The In Between of Beautiful Disaster
by CheeryBroody83
Summary: Four years ago, before their lives took them all in different directions, a group of friends all promised to come back. Some lost their way, friendships are renewed, feelings return and an old promise is kept. Brucas future fic. Some NH and maybe JP
1. Growing Up is Hard to Do

**Summary: **It's been four years since they stood on the Rivercourt and promised to come back to each other. Little by little, the group reunites. Friendships are renewed and old feelings resurface as their lives unfold. Eventually **B/L. N/H **and maybe** J/P.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything your recognize. The inspiration for the title is a Jon McLaughlin song entitled, _Beautiful Disaster_.

**Author's Note:** There will be a lot of little flashback here and there, some will be my own and some from the show. Those of you who are reading my other story, _Things I Don't Say_, know that I update pretty quickly but since I don't have nearly as much of this story planned out as I do with that one, updates will probably come every few days. Hope you enjoy.

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**Chapter 1 - Growing up is hard to do**

Growing up isn't easy. Taking responsibility for your choices and curbing your impulses becomes something you do more and more with each passing year. You learn that what you want isn't always what you get. You learn that what you get isn't always what you need. And you learn to accept it whether you want to or not.

Four years ago, a group of friends parted ways and embarked on the next phase of their lives.

It was a tough adjustment at first. Best friends were no longer a phone call away or a couple streets over. Jobs and classes kept them busy. New friends were made and old ones slowly faded into memories of a world they left behind. It was sad but it was the reality of growing up.

_We'll come back in four years. Back to this spot._

It was a promise they all made but after four years, no one expected everyone to keep it. So it was no surprise when more than half the group ended up missing on that night, exactly four years later. It was no surprise because their lives had taken them all in different directions. Priorities had changed.

But change, it seemed, was not great enough to stop them all from eventually reuniting.

They showed up, though not all at once. But eventually they all made it back to Tree Hill.

Well… almost all of them.

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"For someone so young, you've managed to not only design a successful fashion line, but you also run a business." Blonde brow arched curiously, the woman pursed her red slicked lips and re-crossed her legs. No doubt a move carefully calculated to entice whatever male viewers there were in the audience. "To some it would seem like a pipe dream but you found a way to make it come true at an age when most are still trying to figure out who they are and what they want to be. Yet you seem to know exactly what you want and how to get it." Those watching on TV and in the studio probably didn't notice that the compliment seemed more like an insult. "Care to share with us the secret to your success?"

Smiling her own dimpled smile for the camera, Brooke Davis carefully tucked a wavy strand of auburn hair behind her ear. "There is no secret, really. Just a lot of work and even more luck," she humbly replied.

"And you got your first start at Rogue Vogue three years ago, correct?"

"I did, actually," Brooke agreed amicably. "The competition was fierce to say the least and I managed to meet a lot of great designers that weekend. It was definitely an experience," she said, though her mind wasn't remembering the competition she won. It was remembering the one she had walked away from.

_"No cheerleading for you?"_

_"No, I guess not." The sadness in her voice was audible as she faced a woman that seemed as jaded as everyone else she'd recently met. Men and women who were living in a world that was beyond anything Brooke Davis was used to. A world that scared her because it was real and because it didn't include those that mattered most to her. _

_"Well if you do well in this show, there won't be time for things like that. You'll be the talk of the town."__ It was said so simply and for the first time since arriving, Brooke wondered if maybe she actually had a shot at winning. Yet as much as she wanted that, she wasn't sure if she was ready for it. _

_"It'__s just hard to let it go,__"__ Brooke admitted. _

_"There are designers here who have __been __struggling in the fashion world for years, and yet overnight this could be the start of your career."_

_"And the end of being a kid." _

"Word around town is that you're slated to be one of the guest judges at this year's competition," the overtly sexual talk show host continued. Minus the platinum hair, she reminded Brooke a lot of Rachel, only this woman wasn't nearly as genuine. "Which would place you right alongside your former mentor, Donna Karan."

"I have the utmost respect for Donna. She's an amazing designer and a very savvy business woman," Brooke complimented smoothly. "Working with her again, however briefly, will definitely be another great experience." She had been through enough of those interviews to learn how to dodge anything that she could later be criticized for saying.

"Unfortunately we're almost out of time but before we go, we have one last question from our online question board." Skimming her list of note cards, the blonde woman smiled at the words before turning her attention back to Brooke. "Pauline from New Jersey asks, _have you ever been in love?_"

Normally Brooke never answered personal questions. She preferred to keep interviews based strictly on her clothing label mostly because she currently didn't have much of a personal life to speak of but also because she learned how important it was to guard certain details. The public always wanted answers. Too few ensured their persistence and too many destroyed her privacy. From there it became a balancing act. One that Brooke didn't quite have the hang of yet.

"Have I ever been in love," Brooke murmured to herself. She wasn't surprised that the simple, if not whimsical question sparked another memory. A happier time when it seemed like the future was wide open and filled with hope. All because of a tall, blonde haired boy whose kisses used to make her feel weak in the knees.

_"Well that's too bad because I forgive you."_

_"You can't."__ Tears ran down her face as she stood, unwilling to believe that it could be that simple. _

_"I just did," he said. The look in his eyes was penetrating, showing her the sincerity behind his words.__ And then he smiled. "__So you're just going to have to deal with it.__"__ She loved his smile and in that moment, she felt herself fall in love with him all over again.__"__I'm the guy for you, Brooke Davis and I know I hurt you last time we were together…."_

_"I love you."__ She said it because it was impossible to stand there looking up at him for another moment without telling him what was inside her heart. Something so strong that it had scared and comforted her at once. It was a feeling that no one else had ever been able to coax out of her. Only him. _

_"I love you too.__" His fingers caught the tears that fell from her eyes.__"__Pretty girl."_

"Once," she smiled, almost nostalgically. "A long time ago."

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"Brooke, you have a deadline. A non-negotiable one. Stock holders to meet with and a board to answer to. You can't just take off whenever the hell you feel like it." At twenty two, Brooke Davis was in way over her head. She was a girl that started out making clothes in a small one bedroom apartment back in Tree Hill and ended up a reluctant businesswoman in New York four short years later. When asked, as she often was, she'd never be able to tell you exactly how it happened. In her mind it was all a blur starting with the day she won Rogue Vogue.

"I don't give a rat's ass about the stock holders or the board," she shook her head. "I've hardly had a chance to breathe in the last six months much less anything else. My friend was in the hospital _three weeks ago_ and I had no clue because I didn't have time to check my machine or pick up a newspaper," she said, laughing humorlessly. "God, I was smiling for the cameras while he's trying to pick up the pieces of his life."

Resting her head in her hands, Brooke fought back a wave of guilt as she recalled Haley's worried voice. The news about an unfortunate accident on the court that had been sitting in her voicemail for twenty two days before Brooke finally had a few minutes to listen to it.

"I can't do this anymore, Marie. I have to go before I end up as crazy as everyone else in this business."

The thirty four year old manager could only sigh as she realized she had no chance of convincing Brooke to stay. Not when the young brunette seemed to struggle between falling asleep and bursting into tears. "One week, Brooke. That's the best I can do for you," she declared, hoping that when the seven days were up, Brooke would be ready to recommit herself to her role in the company. "Even then it'll be a stretch and you can believe that the board won't be happy about this."

With her fall line already a success, the investors expected big results from the spring wardrobe she had yet to finalize. Between that and upcoming Christmas sales, Brooke knew she'd never get the time off if she didn't take what little was being offered to her. Marie was right… her board of directors would not be pleased.

"I guess that'll have to do," she agreed quietly.

"I'll make the arrangements." Within two hours, Brooke would have a plane ticket and rental car service available to her when she landed in North Carolina. The nicest hotel she could find would be booked and an elegant dinner would be waiting. "But I'll tell you what, Brooke… don't even think of turning your phone off. If I call you, you better answer or I'll go down there and bring you back, myself," Marie warned sternly.

Some days she was like an overprotective older sister, other days she was just a bitch. That day Brooke couldn't help but think she was the latter.

"You wouldn't last ten minutes out of the city," Brooke stated coolly as her fatigue began to fade away in favor of excitement. In her own way, she was telling her manager not to bother with threats. Brooke Davis didn't take kindly to them and she became fiercely stubborn if someone issued one. "And I'll check my messages but I can't promise anything else."

Her career had somehow morphed into her entire life. Brooke couldn't remember the last time she made it home before eleven on a weekday. She couldn't recall when she'd managed to eat more than a granola bar or a muffin on her way out in the morning. Coffee had become her savior and the downstairs receptionist in the building's lobby knew her better than her doorman or neighbors did.

"Fine." Sighing once again, Maria nodded. "Just… don't forget that it isn't your home anymore. Remember where your priorities lay," she warned carefully.

"How could I forget when everyone always makes it a point to remind me?" Brooke muttered under her breath.

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"Nathan could you please lower that? Nathan? Nathan!?!" Frustration filling her voice, Haley's request was met with nothing but more loud music. "I get that he's hurting right now, I really do. And I know that I just need to give him time but Luke, I don't know how much more of this I can take," she admitted to her best friend, desperately trying to hold back a fresh set of tears.

For a moment, Haley took the opportunity to marvel that she had any tears _left_ to cry. Three weeks had passed since Nathan was injured on the court and since then it had been a nonstop rollercoaster.

Haley couldn't help but think that if it hadn't been for their son, Nathan would have completely given in to the impulse to throw himself a pity party.

"He's scared, Hales." This bit of insight came from Lucas Scott as he pulled his sister-in-law into his comforting embrace. "Think about what it felt like to be on tour with Chris and The Wreckers. Then excluding the anticipation of coming back to Tree Hill for Nathan, think about how it felt to just pack up and leave it all behind," he advised gently. "Suddenly Nathan sees his dream slipping away along with his role as the provider and it terrifies him."

"But it's not slipping away," Haley insisted, her voice muffled by his shirt as she continued to lean against Lucas for support. "It's just temporarily on hold. Why can't he see that? Why can't he understand that it isn't over… that he isn't any different today than he was a month ago?" she questioned, confused and frustrated.

"He will. Just give him time," Lucas gently advised.

"Mommy," a little voice called out.

Just as easily as Haley wrapped her arms around him, she stepped away from Lucas and swiped away her tears as she heard incoming footsteps. The last thing she wanted was for James to see her cry. What with Nathan's mood swings and his stint in the hospital, things had already been confusing enough for the intelligent little four year old. Haley couldn't bear to add to it. "Hey baby. Are you hungry?" she greeted with a smile.

"Can I have a sandwich? Peanut butter," James requested and stared up at his mother with eyes identical to his father's.

Anyone who met James usually commented on how alike he and Nathan looked. Both had the same color eyes and the same dark hair. He was also tall for his age, at least three inches above his days old cousin, Lily. "Say hi to your uncle Lucas first," Haley reminded and moved around the counter towards the pantry.

"Hi, Uncle Luke."

"Hey, buddy." Without thought, Lucas reached down and lifted the boy onto the nearest bar stool. "How'd you like the book I brought by yesterday? Did your mom read it to you last night like she promised?" he asked and sat down beside his nephew. The boy he loved like his own son.

In a way it was a relationship that also made him feel closer to Keith. Now he understood what it had been like for _his_ uncle. Of course that was minus the whole in love with the boy's mother part that often tripped Karen and Keith up.

"Uh huh. Will you take me to get another one today?" James requested innocently.

"Sorry baby, but you're spending the afternoon with your grandma, remember," Haley intervened before Lucas had a chance to respond. "But maybe your uncle can take you some other time." While Nathan spent hours outside with James playing ball and catching lizards, Lucas was always the one who bought him books and took him to stores for readings. Haley called it their bonding ritual. Lucas said it was his rite because he wasn't just an uncle but also a godfather.

While on the other side of the spectrum, James' god_mother_ played a different role.

Hers was less hands on and more elaborate. Usually a wildly expensive gift and a few trendy looking clothes. Something that Nathan never failed to joke about each Christmas and birthday. Courtesy of Brooke Davis, he often said their son was the best dressed at pre-school.

Someone who didn't know her well would say that Brooke was just like her parents. Flashy gifts to make up for not being around. But those who knew her well also knew that Brooke put a lot of thought and heart into the clothes she made. Especially in the outfits put together for those she considered family. And to Brooke… James was family.

"Maybe tomorrow," Lucas agreed as Haley set the sandwich down on the island in front of her son. "Hey, don't I get one too?"


	2. There's No Place Like Home

**A/N: **_Hello everyone, I'm glad you like the story so far. I assure you that Brucas will meet up soon and any little things here and there that may not make some sense will eventually be explained. _

_Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. I hope you continue to enjoy it. Thanks!  
_

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**Chapter 2 - There's No Place Like Home**_  
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_"Okay, putting aside the fact that I do look pretty good considering I've been on the__ plane for like a day and a half…__ you cannot ambush me at the airport with f__lowers and a nicely tanned end of__ summer body considering the way we left things… three __months ago," she rambled on before following Lucas' gaze. Standing there with an amused look on her face was none other than his mother, Karen Roe.__"Okay,__"__ she slowly concluded, drawing the word out to cover her embarrassment. _

_"Actually, I'm just here to __pick up my mom from New Zealand," he says almost apologetically.__"__I didn't think you were coming in till tomorrow."_

_"You__ thought wrong," she informed pointedly and stared out passed the sliding glass doors.__ Seeing her out, she took it. "__Oh look, there's my cab. Quick maybe you can tell me you love me or something."_

Brooke didn't have time to second guess herself once the plane touched down on the tarmac. There was no turning back no matter how nervous she was. So she talked herself off the plane and through the gate behind the group of people she'd flown in from New York with.

That's when the surprise came.

Walking out of the airport, for the first time in as long as Brooke could remember, she felt like she was home.

This place was familiar and soon enough, her nervousness began to ebb away.

Though she assured Marie she'd be available for check ins, Brooke wasn't sure it was an assurance she could make good on. She didn't want to turn her cell phone on to check messages and she didn't want to find the nearest computer to skim through her e-mail for anything noteworthy. For the week that she was away, Brooke just wanted to forget the world she left behind. The world she had been so eager to run away to after that first summer in LA with Peyton.

A lifetime ago, it seemed as she drove down the familiar highways in her rented car.

It was another luxury she had forgotten while she was away. Though it was funny because most people considered chauffeured town cars and stretch limousines a luxury as opposed to having to drive yourself through bumper to bumper traffic in a city that rarely had enough parking. But Brooke missed the calm that came with a short road trip.

_"Are we on schedule, navigation girl?_

_"Well… yeah… except that we promised to switch seats once we hit Pennsylvania," Haley reminded as she sat in back, squeezed between a __pile__ of Brooke's suitcases. _

_"Hmm… so, James-Scott, what're you more excited about?__" Brooke diverted because the last thing she wanted was to get stuck in Haley's position. A place she'd inevitably end up since it was supposed to be Peyton's turn to drive next.__ "__The fashion show or__ the cheerleading competition?"_

_"Uh… s__haring a hotel room with Nathan."_

_"Urg, you are so Brooke's roommate__," Peyton groaned, causing both girls to laugh. _

_"Whatever! Oh, slug bug!_

_"Ow!"__ Peyton cried out. _

Brooke missed a lot of things.

She couldn't remember the last time she had actually _seen_ Haley, Nathan and James. Couldn't recall her last conversation with Peyton. The last time she'd seen Lucas' picture in the sports page or in her neighborhood bookstore. She hadn't even been able to return to Tree Hill for their Rivercourt Reunion because hammering out the details of her fall line had taken up every spare second she had. Not that Brooke had many. And she had no idea if the others managed to make it back because there just didn't seem be enough time to squeeze in a phone call and ask.

If not for her roommate, Solaris or for Rachel's random visits to the city when Brooke seemed to need a friend most, she'd never come up from air.

It was ironic that high school's biggest party girl had turned into a workaholic who no longer drank, partied or had a date in over two years. Unless the people of Tree Hill could see it, they probably wouldn't believe it. Brooke had a difficult time believing it herself sometimes. But that was life. People grew up and changed despite their best efforts not to.

"Welcome home," she murmured to herself while driving passed the city speed limit sign.

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**The Fashion World's New "It" girl talks about clothes, love and growing up in a small town.**

_**How Brooke Davis got her big start in the big apple**_

_"Five years ago I walked away from my first Rogue Vogue Fashion show to attend a high school cheerleading competition instead. When I left New York that day, I had no idea that I'd get another chance at it." Brooke Davis admits and candidly reveals that her cheer squad didn't take home the trophy that day either. "But we had a lot of fun on stage anyway. Our varsity basketball squad was there with us and joined in the dance. Before we knew it, all the other squads were up __and __dancing the hustle or the funky chicken while we all just laughed." _

_She reveals a pair of dimples as she smiles fondly. __I comment on how pretty she is and the business maven actually blushes. "Would you believe I just woke up less than an hour ago?" she asks me but her dress is tailored to fit her perfectly. Not a hair out of place or smudge in her makeup. "Getting ready to launch the fall line has been pretty hectic. My assistants and I basically live in the studio these days but we're proud of the finished product." _

_We chat a bit longer about colors and material swatches for a while before I ask the big question. _Who are you dating?_ Because we all know that a beautiful and successful woman has to have a swarm of men buzzing around. "You know, the truth is that lately I've been so busy, I haven't had time to sleep, much less date," she reveals with a small embarrassed shrug. "But if you know any patient, single men… send them way," Brooke laughs. So I ask one more question before inquiring about her plans for the upcoming spring season. _Have you ever been in love?

_She laughs again before admitting that everyone seems to be asking her that question lately. "I think it would be a shame to go through life without ever falling in love. No matter how long__ or short__ it lasts," she says to me. "So I guess that makes me one of the lucky ones. I'm only twenty two and somehow I've managed to __already __have one great love in my life. Unfortunately not a lot of people get to say the same thing." _

_Brooke Davis, the fashion world's new "it" girl seems to have it all. __Poise, confidence and beauty.__ Not to mention more talent than most of her competitors. _

"Luke! I need help," a little voice declared, drawing his eyes away from the computer screen. With a pout adorning her pretty face, Lily Roe Scott looked up at her brother with blue eyes just like his own. The long dark braid his sister's hair had been styled in had a few escaping strands, evidence of the nap she had just awoken from. "Shoes."

Propping her foot up against his chair, she waited expectantly for him to reach down and tie the laces.

"And where do you think _you're_ going?" he asked playfully as he began to knot the red shoestrings.

"Outside," she shrugged as though the answer should have been obvious enough. So he narrowed his eyes playfully and pretended to think it over. "Luke!" she pouted once more. "Please!" Sticking out her bottom lip, she gave him the puppy dog eyes and Lucas couldn't help but laugh. She learned well, he'd give her that much.

"Okay, jellybean… but just for a little while. Then we have to get you washed up for dinner," he negotiated, laughing again when he realized he was bartering with a four year old.

"M'kay…" she agreed easily enough. Grinning, she shot out of the room as fast her short legs would take her.

As he passed his laptop on his way outside to look after his sister, Lucas pushed the lid closed and decided he'd just have to finish reading the online article later.

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The voice message told Brooke that Naley and James would be staying at the family's old beach house while Nathan recuperated. It had been years since Brooke set foot inside the massive ocean side home but she could drive herself there with her eyes closed after the number of parties Nathan hosted throughout high school.

So with her luggage still sitting in the back of her rental car, Brooke coasted down the road towards her friends.

"Nathan? Nathan!" Haley called out once more as the bell chimes echoed throughout the house. "Damn it," she swore under her breath and walked into the living room with a towel in her hand. At a glance she decided her husband had fallen asleep listening to the deafening music. His eyes were closed and his chest rose and fell evenly. One hand held tight to the remote while the other rested against his stomach.

Rolling her eyes, Haley turned the locks on the door and pulled the heavy glass and wooden panel open. She half expected it to be Deb, coming to pick up something that James left behind. Or even Lucas because he was bored. But she was wrong on both accounts and the person who stood on the front porch was the last one she expected to see. "Brooke?"

"Hey tutorwife," the brunette greeted tentatively.

Letting out a tired sigh, Haley wrapped her arms around her former roommate and whispered, "I'm really glad you're here."

Hugging her back just as tightly, Brooke nodded and said, "I'm so sorry I didn't come sooner, Hales. Work has been crazy and I just got your message last night," she tried to explain. "How's Nathan?"

The look on Haley's face when the two stepped back from their hug could only be described as exasperated. "It's… a long story," she shook her head. "Do you wanna take a walk or something?"

"Yeah, of course," Brooke agreed and linked her arm through Haley's as they started down the boardwalk.

At first their silence was only interrupted by the gentle lapping waves of the ocean. Both women seemed to be lost in thought but it was a comfortable silence. One that came with hundreds of hours spent in each other's company. Whether it was teasing, arguing or laughing together. Brooke and Haley had developed a friendship throughout their time together as roommates and even the miles between them couldn't change that.

"So…." Stepping into the sand, Brooke reached down to pull off her heels and left them on the planks

"So Nathan had the microfracture surgery on his knee. They say that best case scenario, he'll be able to play in four months but it took guys like Webber and Stoudemire more like eight months so…" Haley trailed off pensively. "Chances are that he's going to be out the entire season, at least according to the team's trainer. Or maybe in time for playoffs if the Bobcats make it into the post-season."

Brooke hated the expression of sadness on Haley's face. She wondered how difficult the transition had been but she didn't want to make it worse by asking. So instead, she opted for some good old fashioned optimism. "Nathan's strong, Haley. If anyone can make it back in record time from this, it's your stubborn husband."

"Stubborn is right," Haley agreed tiredly. "Nathan's determined to wallow in self pity and I have no idea how to help him through this. Not that he even _wants_ my help," she added, frustrated. "James is really the only one he's talking to right now. Not even Lucas can get through to him."

"Hmm…" Brooke murmured noncommittally. "So how is the town author doing these days anyway?" she asked, surprised that his name hadn't come up sooner.

"Great, actually," Haley replied, oblivious to the direction Brooke's thoughts had taken. "He's been really great with James. Taking him out of the house to do guy stuff and basically letting me lean completely on him whenever I get really frustrated with Nathan," she shrugged, not surprising Brooke in the least as she described her tall, blonde ex boyfriend.

"So basically the same old Lucas. Always saving someone."

_"__I wish that it was me," she admitted in a moment of weakness.__ Ashamed of what she felt__, she still couldn't help the need she had to tell him. To be honest about it. __"__I know that it's horrible and I know that it's selfish but…I watched you rescue Peyton and you told me you rescued Dan and sometimes I just wish you could rescue me."_

_"From what?"__ he asked and for a moment she thought he was going to get angry. _

_"From all of it.__"_

_"Okay then__," he agreed. His eyes looked into hers and she knew it would all be okay. She knew that they would get through it because they had each other. Brooke would hold on as tightly as she could until the emotional scars Lucas carried began to heal. "__I will. But __only __if you promise to rescue me back."__ In the days since the shooting, she missed the playfulness in his voice. It healed her heart a little knowing that she was the one who brought it back for him. _

_"I promise."_

"When's the last time you guys talked anyway?" Haley queried while tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear.

"The last time I talked to him was the last time I saw him," Brooke replied, remembering the trip she took a couple years before. It was a joint birthday celebration for James and Lily. Back then Lucas was still an assistant coach under Whitey and he was still dating Peyton. Though somewhere along the line, via her friendship with Haley, Brooke learned that neither of those things continued to ring true. He now had a new job and no girlfriend to speak of.

"Are you seriously telling me that it's been two years since you talked to Lucas?" Haley questioned, surprised to say the least. "Am I just imagining things or didn't you mention something a few months ago about some conversation with him?" she asked, her eyes narrowed in thought as she searched her mind for the instance she spoke of.

"Conversation _about_ him. With Karen," the brunette corrected. "She was telling me that Lucas was thinking of leaving his job after graduation for the head coaching spot here in Tree Hill." Though their phone calls were few and far between, Brooke made an honest effort to talk to Karen whenever she got the chance. The woman had taken Brooke in when her own parents left and she had seen firsthand how destroyed Lucas' mother had been after losing Keith.

Brooke also wanted to know Lily as well as she did James. Even though there was no relation or tie to the little girl like there was with Haley and Nathan's son.

"Well he's working on a second book, not that he has much time to write. Coaching, working and being my best friend is pretty much a full time job on its own," Haley admitted, rolling her eyes self deprecating. "You know you should really see him while you're in town," she opined. "I mean the two of you made up after graduation, didn't you? And it'd be nice if my son's godparents actually acted like friends instead of two strangers who just happen to know the same people."

Laughing, Brooke shook her head. "Well I see that motherhood hasn't taken away your ability to be blunt."

Rolling her eyes again, Haley added, "Just talk to him, okay. Building walls never helped you or Lucas and right now, Nathan needs his family. That includes you too, you know?"

"Being blunt and using guilt… you don't do anything half way, do you Hales?" Brooke asked but shrugged her shoulders none the less. "Fine. We'll talk or whatever."

Smiling, Haley nodded. "Thanks."

"No problem."


	3. Familiar Surprises

**A/N:** _Thanks for the great feedback everyone! To answer your question about Nathan, yes it's just one season but the whole situation has him feeling out of sorts. It'll be touched on soon ;) and yep, you gotta lova guilt tripping Haley. She's a mom and I don't know about any one else's but my mom is like a master of guilt so... I hope you all continue to enjoy the story. Again, thanks for all the reviews!!_

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**Chapter 3 - Familiar Surprises **

After leaving Haley back at the beach house with a promise to return later that evening, Brooke drove down to her old apartment complex. The building where she had once lived with both Haley and Peyton during her senior year of high school. It was funny though, that with all the great memories she had of the place, she couldn't think of a single one along the drive. All she remembered was the apprehension she felt every time she walked in during her time with Peyton. The fear of accidentally walking in on her blonde friend with Lucas.

Brooke still couldn't believe the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

Lucas had once been her boyfriend. He'd once slept in her bed and made love to her in that apartment. Then months later he was Peyton's boyfriend. He spent time with his new girlfriend in the same room he'd once been with Brooke in. "Only in Tree Hill," she muttered under her breath as she walked up the familiar steps.

They still creaked in the same places and for some unexplainable reason, it provided Brooke with a small sense of comfort.

She almost smiled but the impulse disappeared when she reached the landing. Suddenly she wasn't so sure that taking Haley's advice was a good idea. Sure they once said they'd be friends but then they spent the rest of the semester looking at one another from a distance. Brooke became part of the outside fringe as he and Peyton began to grow closer.

It wasn't a healthy option to have a friendship back then. Brooke couldn't help but think it was still the case four years later.

So she turned to go. Prepared to walk away and forget she even attempted it. But fate seemed to have another idea in mind as the door opened from the inside, revealing a tall blonde male.

She was as beautiful as ever, he decided as blue eyes settled on hazel. A long main of wavy brown and auburn hair hung past her shoulders and down her back. Despite the unusual warmth in the autumn's air, she was dressed impeccably in a navy blue knee high pencil skirt and a matching jacket. Peeking out from between her lapels, a silky white top was visible. No doubt the whole outfit was one of her creations

Each stood speechless, neither sure of what to say. Lucas almost wondered if he was dreaming. It was too big of a coincidence that she would show up on his doorstep just after he had finished reading an online article about her. A recent interview that he found earlier that day while babysitting his little sister.

"Thank god you finally cut your hair," Brooke blurted out then closed her eyes, embarrassed by the outburst.

Amazingly, Lucas laughed because he couldn't remember a time when Brooke was ever sorry for speaking her mind. And not a polite chuckle either but a real laugh. The kind that he hadn't had since before Nathan's accident. "It's good to see you too, Brooke," he smiled and hesitated for only a second before reaching for her hand. Tugging gently, he pulled her into his embrace and buried one hand in her lustrous brown waves.

She was so surprised at first that she laughed back but wound her arms around his waist none the less. "You smell the same," she declared against his chest and felt it rumble with laughter as he heard her words. Brooke couldn't help smiling. For the first time in months, the tension she carried around like a purse began to leave her body. She really was home.

"Is that a good or bad thing?" Lucas asked. Brooke could hear the smile in his voice long before she pulled back and saw it on his face.

"It's a familiar thing," she said softly.

Back when they dated, the smell of his detergent and cologne mixed together used to linger on her clothes for hours after they saw each other. It clung to her bed sheets when he spent the night and carried itself in her hair throughout the day because of how fond she was of resting her head against his chest.

"It almost feels like you're not really here," he admitted and stuffed his hands inside his pockets as Brooke took a nervous step back.

"Yeah, I know I should have come back to Tree Hill sooner," Brooke stated, misinterpreting his words. "Work just sort of took on a life of its own, you know? I actually had to barter with an employee just to get some time off." Brooke was still trying to figure out why she needed the permission of someone who worked for her but she'd yet to find an answer. "I got to see Haley though. I was on my way back from the beach house when I decided to stop," she continued while debating whether or not to tell Lucas that his sister in law was the reason she came by to see him. "She's the one who told me where you were staying."

"I'm sure she was glad to see you," Lucas said with a small smile adorning his lips. "And so am I… really, but… you kind of caught me on my way out," he said apologetically.

"Right. Sorry. I guess I should have called first," Brooke replied, discouraged as she began to turn away again when he reached out for her hand, effectively halting her.

"It's this meeting with my editor," he clarified even though both knew that they no longer owed each other explanations. "How long are you in town for?"

"A week," she answered and offered him a small smile. "Maybe I'll see you around sometime."

As she stood fidgeting, ready to walk away again, Lucas panicked. He could see her slipping away and back to New York without another word and he felt like he needed to say something. Anything that would ensure that he'd see her again before she left. "How about lunch?" he suggested, impulsively. "Tomorrow at the café? We can catch up."

"I don't know," Brooke said hesitantly. "I definitely want to spend some more time with Hales and I'd like to hang with James. Kind of make sure that he doesn't forget who I am once I'm gone again, you know?" But the expression he wore was genuine and in the deepest corners of her mind, Brooke acknowledged that she'd like to talk to him a little more. "But I guess I could do lunch," she shrugged as though it were no big deal.

"12:15 sound okay with you?"

"I'll be there," Brooke agreed and adjusted the strap of her purse on her shoulder when Lucas finally released the gentle grasp he had on her arm.

Almost timidly, the two walked down the steps together. It was still daytime and the sun was high in the sky but Lucas walked her to her rental car none the less. And when she drove away, he finally walked over to the same red mustang he stole owned, wondering if it was some kind of sign that Brooke showed up when he needed inspiration most.

---------

"These last two chapters are crap," Laney Thompson declared as she tossed the printed pages down on her desk. "I'm almost tempted to ask if you actually wrote your last book or if you just took credit for someone else's work." The short blonde wasn't the type of woman to hold her tongue, something Lucas had figured out right around the time the two stopped dating. To say that she didn't take it well would be an understatement.

"I've just had a lot on my mind lately," he said but didn't delve any further into the issue.

His personal life was no longer any of her business, not that she would have accepted an excuse anyway for his recent poor attempt at writing. "Gee, I wonder what it is… or should I say _who_?" she said bitterly.

"We are _not_ having this conversation again," Lucas informed evenly. "We're here to talk about my book, not our past." He marveled, not for the first time, at the quick change his editor made from one day to the next. Yes, he could understand that she had gotten hurt when their relationship fell apart but he had never given her false hope for a future that just wasn't in the cards. She knew from the start that all he could handle was casual. Laney said she understood but the honest truth was that she really hadn't. She just hoped she could change him. That he would become the man she wanted him to be.

"Yes, well… your book is boring," she retorted icily. "Now we've talked about it."

"Fine," Lucas sighed tiredly and reached for his laptop bag. "I'll talk to your boss about getting a new editor. Then maybe we can put an end to this monotonous circle we keep running in every time I walk into your office." It wasn't a threat, but a last resort. Laney Thompson was the best editor in Charlotte but Lucas would rather deal with the next person in line than listen to her snide comments each visit.

"She won't love you back," Laney called out when his hand reached the doorknob. "I've read your manuscripts, remember? I know what you did to her and I know that she's never completely forgiven you," Laney continued, planting little seeds of doubt in his mind as she realized her chance with Lucas Scott was long gone. "Maybe one day she might but she'll never trust you again. Neither will the other one because let's face it… what girl has any chance of being in your future when you're so hung up on the past?"

Shaking his head, Lucas glanced at the petite blonde over his shoulder. "Then what the hell does that say about you? You're the one who was so desperate to be a part of my world, remember?"

Without waiting for a response, one that would inevitably be angry, he pulled the door open and walked out into the quiet corridor.

----------

After attempting to spend some time alone in her hotel room, Brooke realized what a waste of time it was. She already spent too much time alone in the city. She didn't want to do it in Tree Hill now that she finally had the opportunity to catch up with all her old friends. For starters, except for Haley informing Brooke that Bevin was living just outside of Chapel Hill with Skillz, she had no idea what else the blonde former cheerleader was up to. Plus Brooke had yet to see Karen or Mouth.

She also wanted to stop by the cemetery and leave flowers at Anna Sawyer's grave. Maybe she'd also leave some for Keith while she was there.

So ignoring the light rain shower that had begun a half hour before, Brooke pulled on a pair of skinny jeans and a thick black sweater. Her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail and a pair of black boots completed the outfit as she reached for her purse.

"_But why? I need to know why."_

_"Because you kink your eyebrow when you're tryi__ng to be cute," he said and she felt a wave of disappointment. She wanted something more, something meaningful and not reasons that involved her quirks. But he kept talking and she slowly felt her anger slipping away as the rain continued to fall around them.__"__Because you__ quote__ Camus even though I've never actually seen you read. And because__…__ you miss your parents but you'll never ever admit that.__"_

_It almost made her smile because no one else would have known how she really felt about her parents' absence. _

_"__And because I've given exactly two of these embarrassing speeches in my entire life and they've _both_ been with you. I mean… that's gotta mean something, right?__" he asked and looked down at her with eyes that pierced her heart.__"__And because… we're both gonna get pneumonia but if you need to hear why I love you… I can go on all night." _

_"You did pretty good,__"__ she said and kissed him because she couldn't stand there and _not_ want to feel his lips on hers. _

Running towards her car, Brooke tried to avoid the little puddles that had temporarily taken up residency on the asphalt. Somehow she managed to make it inside before her clothes got completely soaked. But her good mood was short lived as her phone began to ring. The ID revealed Marie as the caller, most likely ready with a rant since Brooke had yet to check in since arriving in Tree Hill earlier that day.

Sighing, she hit the ignore button and turned the phone off.

She'd deal with it in the morning but not on her first day back. Not when she had already decided to go see Haley again since her former roommate assured Brooke that James would be back by dinner time. Plus their afternoon of talking had been nothing but serious conversation and while Brooke understood that Haley had to get certain things off her chest, she figured that Haley also needed time to just relax.

And of course Brooke would be lying if she said she wasn't excited to see James again.

Since Haley asked her to be the godmother, Brooke felt a sense of responsibility that she'd never experienced before. But it wasn't a bad feeling or one that made her uneasy. It made her feel like she was a part of something. A feeling she hadn't had since breaking up with Lucas. Because they had been his friends first and the one person who should have been on her side wasn't. She couldn't be because it was working out the way she wanted it to. Peyton Sawyer was finally getting her chance with Lucas Scott after wanting him for longer than Brooke cared to know.

In some ways that realization hurt more than her breakup did. In other ways… it just made her angry.

Yet she still tried to make her friendship with Peyton work regardless of all the hurt. But the friendship wasn't meant to last and each time she heard Peyton say 'Hoes over bros or buds over studs' all she could think was that Peyton was a liar. She had never put her friendship with Brooke above her own desires to land the boy of their dreams. She could say the words because she already had Lucas and to Brooke, that made her the biggest hypocrite of all.

So she walked away and didn't look back.

She still had Haley and Rachel while Peyton had had Lucas so she figured that would have to be enough. And it was… at least for Brooke.

It was also one of the reasons why it was so important for her to make sure that Haley was okay. The other brunette had gotten her through some tough times. They shared a lot of secrets between them and had a lot of happy memories. After all, Brooke knew that Haley was pregnant before anyone else including Nathan.

Recalling the words Lucas once used, Brooke thought, "_That's gotta mean something, right?"_


	4. Old Habits Die Hard

**A/N:**_ Hi everyone, I'm posting on my way out so for now I'll just say thank you for all your great reviews and I hope you continue to enjoy the story! Thanks! Bye!_

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**Chapter 4 - Old Habits Die Hard**

"So you should totally just get all your stuff from the hotel and come stay here with us for the rest of the week," Haley invited later that night as she and Brooke sat in the kitchen with a tub of ice cream between them. "It'll give you more time with James and it would be nice to have my friend around for a while."

Brooke smiled because she loved the idea but she also didn't want to get in the way. After being forewarned by Haley, she hadn't expected Nathan to be cheerful or even pleasant for that matter. But Brooke couldn't even describe his behavior as civil. A scowl seemed permanently etched onto his face at all times, excluding the moments when his son was in the room. Nathan was just lucky that she didn't offend easily, otherwise she would have had a few choice words for him.

"It's a great offer Hales, but I don't want to intrude or anything," Brooke declined gently, gazing at her friend with a concerned expression adorning her features.

"You wouldn't be," Haley assured and waved away the argument. "Besides, I could use your help tomorrow."

Frowning slightly, Brooke dipped her spoon into the ice cream once more and scooped up some of the cold vanilla and cookie dough. "With what?" she asked, wondering what else Haley had on her plate. It may have only been a few hours but Brooke could already see that her friend was carrying a lot of weight on her shoulders.

"Nanny interviews," she admitted and rolled her eyes at herself. "I know. It sounds horrible but since I just started at THH three weeks ago, I can't exactly take any days off," Haley explained. "Deb's been great about watching him but she has her own job to get back to and Lucas is basically in the same boat as me since the new season just started for the Ravens," she said, reminding Brooke that her ex-boyfriend was now coaching for their old alma matter. "Plus Nathan can't exactly run around the house taking care of James so I really didn't have much of a choice in the matter."

Sighing, Brooke reached out to take Haley's hand in her own. "It's not horrible, Hales. You're just trying to take care of your family and no one can fault your for that, okay?"

"It's just been really hard lately," she admitted and blinked several times to keep the tears at bay. "I want to help Nathan through this but every time I try… he just doesn't want to hear it," Haley said, shaking her head. "I'm getting so frustrated and angry, even. And that's not what I want. It's also the last thing he needs."

"What do _you_ need?" Brooke asked.

"A vacation," Haley laughed.

"Okay," Brooke said seriously. "Tomorrow, I want you to go to a spa or something. My treat. Then do some shopping or reading or whatever you want to do and I'll stay here and take care of the nanny interviews," she volunteered with her mind made up that she was going to do this for her friend whether Haley was okay with it or not.

"No. No way, Brooke. This is _your_ vacation, remember," Haley stated, shaking her head once more. "I know how many hours you work, okay. I'm not going to take away your free time just so I can go to a spa and buy a few dresses or something," she said, unwilling to let the brunette give up her own vacation.

"It's so not even a big deal, tutor-mom," Brooke quickly denied. "James goes to pre-school in the morning, right? So I'll pick him up and we'll do lunch," she said, deciding that Lucas wouldn't mind if she brought their god-son along to the café. "Then I'll bring him back here, sit him down with a book or a barney video or something and then I'll interview nannies. Problem solved," she concluded simply.

"James is a picky eater," Haley protested, determined to find a hole in Brooke's plan.

"So… I'm having lunch with Lucas tomorrow anyway," Brooke shrugged. "I'm sure he knows exactly what James will and won't eat."

Laughing, Haley waved her spoon and Brooke, scolding. "Okay, wait a second here. Lucas? Lunch? When and how did that happen?" she questioned, glad for the opportunity to change the subject and turn it around on her brunette friend.

"_Nothing_ is happening, okay? Trust me," Brooke stated in no uncertain terms. "I went to see him like you suggested but he was on his way out. So he invited me to lunch tomorrow and I agreed. End of story." At least as far as she was concerned it was. After everything they put each other through over the years, the idea that anything more could ever happen again seemed absurd. Especially since Brooke believed that it would never be completely over between him and Peyton. No matter when or how many times they broke up.

"So then tell me you weren't talking about him when you taped that interview on the E! channel three nights ago," Haley said quietly.

The words momentarily threw Brooke off but she gave no outward sign that Haley had surprised her. Instead she shrugged and said, "Tell me something first. Why would it matter one way or the other? Weren't you on the cheer squad for Team Leyton when they got together senior year?"

Then it was Haley's turn to be surprised only she didn't hide it as well as Brooke did. "I wanted Lucas to be happy," she eventually said. "The two of you just kept breaking each other's hearts even though you were still in love. So when he started up with Peyton… I don't know," she shrugged. "I guess I wondered just like he did. Maybe she was the one for him after all. But that was then and just like he does now… I know the truth."

"Which is?"

"It wasn't Peyton," Haley stated bluntly.

"Maybe… maybe not. But that still doesn't mean it's me either." Brooke would never admit to anyone how much it hurt when everyone seemed to cut her out of the picture after the break up. Haley… Karen… they were two people she cared a great deal about and had seemed so supportive of her relationship with Lucas. But then it seemed like overnight they decided he was better off with Peyton. And it hurt. Even four years later it still hurt. "Besides, this is just a vacation. This isn't my home anymore and it hasn't been for a long time now," she added, hoping that it would be the end of the argument.

_No such luck_, she soon realized.

"Yeah, well... blame it on the sappy wife slash mother in me but I happen to think that home is where the heart is," Haley replied. "And you still didn't answer my question. One love yet by my count you've had two major relationships. So which guy were you referring to? Chase… or Lucas?"

"_You don't even have the strength to fight for us, do you?" he asked sadly. One word. Any word. It was all he wanted. Just some sign that he should stop packing. That they had it in them to make it work. But she was silent. A sad expression adorned her beautiful face and he knew then that it was over. "We were perfect for each other." _

_But perfection was overrated, Brooke Davis had come to realize. And the love they shared was a quiet one. Something that was comfortable and easy after all the heartbreak they'd both endured throughout past relationships. "It was all for the wrong reasons though," she said honestly, all the while knowing that her words would do little more than hurt him. "I'm not trying to be mean here. I'm always going to care about you but…"_

_"But you never got over him. Did you?"_

_Sighing, Brooke shook her head, frustrated. "This isn't about Lucas. It's about us and… whatever we had is gone now. There's no spark… no passion," she attempted to explain. "We grew apart." _

_Nodding, Chase continued tossing clothes in his suitcase but Brooke would have been naïve to think it was the end of their discussion._

_"Just answer one thing for me, okay?" he requested and pulled the zip closed, sealing away his belongings. __"You say that we've just grown apart and you say that it has nothing to do with Lucas. Okay, fine… I can accept whatever mistakes we made. But can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love him? Can you tell me that I've been the only one in your heart for the last year and a half?" _

"It doesn't really matter anymore," Brooke said to Haley and scooped up another spoonful of ice cream. "Both relationships ended a long time ago."

----------

After plenty of convincing the night before, Brooke finally got Haley to agree to spend the morning at a spa. Nathan didn't have much to say on the matter but Brooke could see the remorse in his eyes when his wife told him where she was going. That one look alone told Brooke how sorry he was for making things so difficult on Haley. Even if he couldn't find the words to say it out loud to his wife.

Unfortunately for Brooke, while Haley was having a full body massage, _she_ spent a good portion of her morning on the phone with New York. Vogue had asked her to dress their next issue's cover girl and Marie kept insisting that Brooke had chosen the wrong outfits. "She has red hair this month. It almost looks like rust and it's going to clash horribly with the red top you picked," she declared and ranted on about it being fashion suicide.

Shaking her head in obvious frustration, Brooke was tempted to chuck the phone into the nearest garbage can.

"Business is your department, not the clothes and if Vogue has a problem with the wardrobe then one of my assistants will take care of it," she warned sternly. "I guarantee you that they're capable of handling a simple shoot. But if, for whatever reason, they can't… then I'm certain one of _them_ will call me," she added because the whole helpless routine was getting old.

Brooke honestly couldn't figure out why the other woman seemed so dead set against her taking a few days off. Especially since she had been working night and day for over two years, trying to build the company from the ground up. "I'm just trying to help you out, Brooke. There are plenty of hot designers out there that would love the financial backing I managed to bring in to _your_ line. Don't think that you aren't expendable," Marie warned before hanging up, leaving nothing but silence in Brooke's ear.

"You love your job… you love your job… you love your job," Brooke kept telling herself as she pulled up to Tree Hill Pre-School to pick up James.

Like many things in her small hometown, the pre-school looked just as it had almost two decades before when Brooke used to attend. Only the grass was a little greener, the jungle gym was a little newer and there were was a tall wooden fence separating the lawn from the curb.

Heels clicking on the concrete walkway, she hurried up the steps and pulled open one of the brightly painted double doors.

Finger paintings and cartoon like posters littered the walls of the corridor. Brooke searched white blocks but couldn't find one that belonged to James in the sea of pictures beneath his teacher's name. She chalked it up to him being the kid. From what Haley mentioned, his first three weeks in town had been a bit of an adjustment for him. Especially since he was just beginning to settle into the school he attended in Charlotte before the injury.

"Brooke!"

With a grin and a wave, James greeted his godmother as soon as she walked inside the classroom. She noticed that only half the students remained, waiting for their parent or guardian to arrive and sign them out for the day.

"I'm sorry, Miss…?"

"Davis."

"Miss Davis… but in order to pick up a child from the school, you need to be on a list provided by that child's parents. And since neither Mr. nor Mrs. Scott called in this morning to inform anyone about you, I'm afraid that I can't let you take James outside this room," the teacher explained, unapologetic even when Brooke mentioned that she was his godmother.

"Okay…" she said slowly, groaning inwardly once she remembered that the teacher she was dealing with wasn't exactly flexible when it came to the rules. "Well what about Lucas Scott? Is he allowed to pick James up?" she asked suddenly. The realization was a quick one after going through her options and deciding that with Haley at the spa and Nathan laid up, Lucas was really the only other candidate.

"Yes, Mr. Scott _is_ on the list."

"Thanks," Brooke said and winked at James as she dug inside her purse for her cell phone. "Lucas… hey, it's Brooke. I need a favor."

----------

"Give me five minutes," Lucas agreed as he walked across the school's parking lot towards his car.

"Hey coach," he was greeted along the way by students that were eager to head off campus for lunch. A few were guys on the varsity Ravens squad but most were girls that took one of the two Freshman English classes he taught. _It was __strange,_ he couldn't help but think. Lucas hadn't ever really gotten used to the stares and giggles back when he was a student and he still wasn't used to it now that he was a teacher.

It was also something that Haley teased him mercilessly about every time she saw one of his students bat her eye lashes or blush in front of him.

His best friend, on the other hand, had a different kind of attention. The guys on the basketball team tended to flock around her, asking about her husband the NBA rookie. Even though Nathan was sitting on the injured list, it still gave them something to aspire to. They had the possibility of doing something great and it was influenced by knowing that a regular guy from Tree Hill made it to the pros.

So they were attentive whenever Lucas spoke. He wasn't sure though whether it was because Nathan was his brother or because he'd helped coach him through college.

But he never dwelled on the question for long and soon enough he was pulling up behind Brooke's rental.

"The list? It's not like I'm some dirty old skeaze that wants to feed the kids unwrapped candy," she instantly protested when Lucas approached her four minutes later. "James knows me. He called me by name _and_ waved. That should count for something, shouldn't it?" Brooke rambled, mostly because she was nervous and not actually because she was angry about the teacher's refusal to let her take James home.

"Unwrapped candy?" Lucas amusedly asked while leading Brooke back inside.

"Well don't parents always warn kids about stuff like that?" the brunette asked, shrugging. "Don't take unwrapped candy from strangers. Or is that just a Halloween thing?"

Shaking his head with a smile on his lips, Lucas chose to say nothing in response. "Luke!" James greeted just as he had with Brooke.

"Hey buddy," Lucas said and scrawled his name on the clipboard sign out sheet by the door. "Hello Mrs. Donovan," he added politely to the sixty two year old teacher who smiled fondly at him. Despite her strict disposition, Lucas always had a soft spot for the woman who had once been his teacher. She was the reason he first met Skillz and Fergie. Along with one other boy who moved away in the second grade, the four of them had been assigned to a table together on their first day of school.

"Suck up," Brooke coughed with little subtlety, earning herself one of Mrs. Donovan's famous glares.

"Excuse me, young lady?"

"She's getting a cold, right Brooke," Lucas quickly interjected so that Brooke wouldn't. "Come on," he laughed at the sight of her annoyed expression and ushered his two lunch companions outside.

"I remember her, you know," Brooke said in defense once they were out of earshot. "Tim tried to kiss me once on the playground so I pushed him in the sandbox," she begun, oblivious to the disgusted face James made as he listened. "Old lady river was the teacher on duty that day and _she_ didn't believe that he started it because Tim just sat there crying. So she ratted me out to _my_ teacher and _I _got sent to the corner for the rest of the day," Brooke informed, crossing her arms over her chest stubbornly. "I couldn't talk to anyone and they couldn't talk to me."

"Must have been torture for you," Lucas ribbed, earning himself a warning glare.

"Can we go to the café?" James intervened before the two adults had the opportunity to continue their banter. "I wanna show Lily my new rock."

"Actually… that's exactly where we're going," Brooke announced, mentally scolding herself for falling back into old habits with Lucas. "I got dibs on godson," she added quickly and stuck her tongue out at Lucas when the little boy followed her instead of his uncle.

"Glad to know you didn't grow up or anything in the last four years," Lucas called out teasingly and returned the gesture when Brooke shot him another glare over her shoulder.

"Says the boy who still hangs out at the high school," Brooke retorted, rolling her eyes.

"I work there," he laughed.

"That's your story," she said and climbed inside her car, effectively ending the discussion. With a smile on his lips, Lucas followed suit and stayed behind Brooke the entire way to the café.


	5. Words Don't Always Come Easily

**A/N:**_ Hello everyone! Thanks for all the great reviews. As always they are much appreciated. To answer a question, Rachel and everyone else for that matter, will appear here and there. But since this is mainly a Brucas story, the focus will mostly be on the two of them and how they interact with everyone else. _

_I hope you all continue to enjoy it and again, thanks for your encouraging and kind words!!_

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**Chapter 5 - Words Don't Always Come Easily**

James and Brooke were both disappointed when they got to the café and found out that Karen and Lily were nowhere in sight. Belatedly, Lucas remembered something about a dentist appointment for his little sister that would keep them busy until the late afternoon. However Deb _was_ around for lunch and after a quick greeting with Brooke, she decided to keep her grandson at her table for a while.

The brunette could only guess at Deb's reasoning but for Brooke she knew, Haley had had put her mother in law up to it just so that she and Lucas would have no one to talk to but each other. "You know, when you showed up at my apartment yesterday, I had so many things I wanted to say to you," Lucas admitted when the silence began to get uncomfortable. "But now I have no idea where to start," he said honestly, watching as Brooke picked at her plate of fries without actually eating any of them.

"I know the feeling," Brooke said quietly.

"Look…" he began hesitantly. "About that night after the party…"

"Don't worry about it," she quickly interrupted. "You were in a bad place back then and… we talked. There's nothing for you to be sorry about and even if there was… you've already apologized," Brooke reminded gently while hoping he'd leave the subject where it belonged. In the past. "At the time I told you I was okay with it. So trust me now when I say that we don't have to rehash it all again."

He laughed but there was no humor in the sound. "I wouldn't exactly consider it talking, Brooke. It was more like you standing there, taking it all while I vented out every one of my frustrations," Lucas corrected somberly. "It wasn't fair to you. Especially not with all the water beneath our bridge." Blue eyes filled with apology, Brooke could only look at them for a few moments before it became too much. She turned away, staring out the front window at the passing townspeople as they walked up and down the storefronts. "Brooke…"

"Lucas, just please let it go," she requested with a hint of desperation in her voice. "Why don't you tell me about your new book?" Brooke then suggested in what she hoped was an upbeat voice. "I know you said you had a meeting yesterday and Haley mentioned something about it too. So what's the plot like in this one?" she asked, hoping that he'd go along with the subject change. At least while they were in public.

Brooke wasn't sure she could sit there and listen if he wanted to keep bringing up times better left forgotten.

Conceding then, Lucas told himself it wasn't the end of their discussion, just as postponement. "There isn't much of one to speak of right now," he answered truthfully. "My editor hated the last couple chapters I submitted. Apparently I'm losing whatever touch I once had," he explained with a shrug, feigning nonchalance.

But Brooke didn't buy it. She knew how much writing meant to him. And for someone to say that he didn't do it as well as he once did, it had to be a difficult thing for Lucas to hear.

"I doubt that," she said in support.

"As much as I'd like to agree with you, I have to agree with my editor instead," Lucas admitted casually. Even if Laney was bitter about their past, she still had a point when she said his latest pages were garbage. Or so Lucas believed. "My head just hasn't been in it recently. The chapters I wrote were kind of like fillers because I couldn't come up with anything worth reading."

Smiling at the young waitress who refilled their drinks, Brooke waited until she and Lucas were alone again before assuring, "I'm sure you'll figure it out. Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen." It was said naturally. Too naturally for the words to have been thought out.

But while she saw nothing unusual in the sentences she spoke, what _was_ strange to Brooke was the way Lucas looked at her. It was same expression he had junior year while she read John F. Kennedy quotes to find something for her student council campaign speech. Back when they were alone in her room and talking about courage. Just before he said he would believe the words coming from her mouth, even if no one else did.

"What?" she finally asked, trying to hide the nervousness she felt when she saw the familiar glint in his eyes.

"Steinbeck," he said, recognizing the quote.

"Yeah, well… a long time ago this nerdy book worm got me to read a little Steinbeck and I realized it wasn't all that bad," Brooke informed, shrugging as if to say it was no big deal. Though the truth was a little more interesting. Specifically how Solaris teased her constantly because of all the Steinbeck books she left lying around the apartment. Most with scribbled notes in the margin because she liked the words or because she wanted to re-read them later to better understand their meaning.

Her favorite and most often read copy was _The Winter of Our Discontent._

"So if he was so nerdy, why'd you hang out with him?" Lucas queried, realizing that because of all their back and forth, their plates of food had long since grown cold. _So much for lunch,_ he thought.

"Pity mostly," Brooke replied, unintentionally taking them both back in time. Shaking her head at herself, she closed her eyes for a moment. "Sorry, that was a stupid thing to say." Her voice was quiet and raspy, apologetic as she remembered what had happened after first saying the words to Lucas all those years before.

"What's stupid is how awkward this is," Lucas corrected, leaning against the back of his chair as he studied her reaction. "Maybe if we just talked about it…."

"Can we go?" James asked as he appeared suddenly. Eyes looking between the two adults, he waited for either of them to say something before settling his gaze on Brooke. "I'm sleepy," he said, reminding Brooke that she still had nanny interviews to get through before Haley came back from the day spa.

"Sure, let me just…" she trailed and began to dig inside her purse for a few bills.

"It's on me," Lucas said, halting her search. "I invited you, remember," he added when she opened her mouth to protest. Something else that had changed. Brooke loved it when someone did little things for her. It could be as simple as picking wild flowers or picking up the check. Yet she seemed reluctant to let Lucas take care of the tab.

"Thanks," she said and turned down at James with a small smile. "Did you already say bye to your grandma?" Brooke asked, glancing over at the blonde woman sitting on the other side of the café. She was sipping a cup of something, most likely coffee and she looked completely at ease with the world. A far cry from the alcoholic and absentee mother she had been four years before.

"You're really good with him," Lucas said as the trio walked outside. James stayed a few steps ahead of them, glancing everywhere but at his two chaperones.

"You sound surprised," Brooke said.

More words that reminded them of their past. Lucas supposed it was why they had so few conversations after their breakup. Too many memories in the simplest of phrases.

"No, not surprised," he amended. "I just know how hard it can be sometimes when there's distance between you and the people you care about. I mean I may not have been that far away but when basketball season started, sometimes I went months without seeing Lily," he admitted. Then in a quieter voice he added, "I know my nephew better than I know my own sister. I missed all of her firsts but I rarely missed one of his."

In the back of her mind, Brooke wondered where this Lucas had come from.

When they first got back together during their senior year, they had talked about so many different things. More than most people would have guessed. But as life got harder, the time between their conversations began to grow longer and longer. So by the end, they talked a lot but they weren't really saying much of anything. Now in the span of forty five minutes he had begun to catch her up on the four years she missed out on.

Brooke had to ask herself why. Why now? Why not then? But she didn't have any answers and wondered if Lucas actually did either.

"Bye uncle Luke," James said and wrapped his arms as high as they could while Lucas leaned down to meet him halfway.

"See you later, buddy."

As she looked at them, Brooke almost felt like she was intruding. It was obvious how close they were. All anyone had to do was look and they'd see the bond that existed between them. And it made Brooke think of Keith.

She wondered if Lucas ever thought about his relationship with his uncle whenever he was with James. She could imagine that it had to play some part in their closeness, whether Lucas was aware of it or not. "Thanks again for lunch," Brooke added after getting James buckled up in the backseat. "It was good to see you again," she said genuinely.

For an uncertain moment, the two stood in front of each other, both unsure of what they were supposed to do next. It was almost a reenactment of the day before when Lucas walked outside and found her standing a few feet away from his front door. "I know that lunch didn't really go as smoothly as I would have liked, but… well I really would like to see you again before you go," he admitted, almost scared of what her response would be.

She hesitated again, just as she had done the first time he asked.

"I've missed you, Brooke. And I'd really hate it if what happened two years ago destroyed our chances of ever being friends."

Brooke had to look away. When put so bluntly, so undeniably raw… she could hardly say no. The truth of matter being that she missed Lucas too. Missed whatever friendship they had once had. "There's just a lot of weird history between us, you know?" she asked, glancing at the car window and at James. His head rested against the seat, eyes closed as he appeared to fall asleep while they talked.

Sighing, she returned her gaze to the boy she had always loved.

"I have some errands to run for Haley but… I don't know. Why don't you call me sometime?" she suggested and offered him a small smile.

"Sure."

Brooke didn't recognize his expression and wondered about it as she opened the driver side door. He waited, watching as she tossed her purse inside. Then suddenly she turned around, biting her lip for a contemplative moment before adding, "I missed you too, Luke." And then she was gone. Tucked into the safety of her car before his mouth could form a response.

----------

"We'll let you know, thanks," Brooke said, attempting a smile as the short dark haired girl left the room. "Psychopath," she muttered under her breath.

"I guess you're throwing her on top of a growing discard pile, huh?" Nathan asked, almost disinterestedly as he slowly walked into the room with two crutches beneath his arms. It was only the second sentence he'd uttered to her since Brooke first walked in three hours before with his son in tow. "I don't think Tree Hill has any nannies left."

Groaning quietly, he managed to sit down on the couch opposite his old friend and reached for the nearest remote control. "The truth is that I like TV and music just as much as the next person," Brooke began, halting his progress. "But I swear to god Nate, I don't care if this is your house. If you turn that thing on again, I'm gonna reach for your crutches and bang you over the head with them," she warned, decidedly fed up with the loud music he seemed so fond of blasting throughout the house.

"And what Princess Brooke wants…" he trailed off rudely.

"Don't bullshit me about this, Nathan. I'm trying to help your wife out here," Brooke stated and tossed the clipboard of applications down onto the coffee table. For a moment, the room was silent, each contemplating what to say next. "You know… I get that I'm not around much. I only call once in a while, I write about as often and some could or would say I'm a lousy friend," she said, shrugging despite the seriousness of her words. "But I'm here now and even after being away for so long, I can still look at your wife and see that she's drowning in _your_ misery."

He scoffed, shaking his head at her audacity. "You don't know a damn thing about what's going on here, Brooke."

Deciding to take another tack, she leaned back against the plush couch cushions and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Maybe not," Brooke agreed, throwing him off momentarily with her uncontested honesty. "When this week is up, I get to walk away. I return to my life and my work in New York and while I'll worry about you and Haley and James… I won't be around it every day… but they will be," she said with an air of casualness that had Nathan's eyes narrowing in response. "They have to put up with your crabby attitude and the whole woe is my routine you seem to have perfected," she added, unwilling to stop now that she'd begun. Even though Brooke could see how angry it was making her friend. "And the reason they'll put up with it is because they all love you. So quit taking advantage of the fact that they won't leave no matter how hard you push. Just lean on them a little… I swear that between Haley and Lucas, they'll be able to keep standing."

It hit a little too close to home.

Nathan didn't reply because he didn't know what to say. He could acknowledge, though only to himself, that her argument had some merit. But Nathan was also Dan Scott's son and if there was one thing he inherited from his father, it was a stubborn streak that he wouldn't wish on anyone else.

"Are you done?" he finally asked. Pretending that what she said hadn't mattered, Nathan barely waited for her nod before lifting the remote. Sports Center filled the room but it wasn't loud enough make Brooke's ears ring as it had been the night before. Or even earlier that morning. So she sat for a moment, realizing that in his own extremely stubborn way, he was acknowledging whatever point she was trying to make with her argument.

----------

"When I was sixteen, Coach Whitey Durham brought me into this gym and tried to convince me why I should join the team," Lucas began as he led a tall brown haired boy in much the same way his mentor had. "I came from the same place. Had the same kind of friends. Played the same kind of game," he admitted, glancing briefly at the banners on the walls praising players and teams from the past. "I didn't think I needed this place because I had my court outside. But I walked in anyway."

"Not that I don't appreciated the speech and all, but I'd have to be an idiot to play for the Ravens," the boy declared bluntly.

Lucas could remember being just as angry, just as appalled at the idea. He didn't want the Field House anymore than the boy standing beside him did. "I'm not saying it'd be easy or that the guys would welcome you to the team with handshakes and pats on the back," Lucas stated, unoffended by the boy's obvious disinterest. "The truth is that it's probably gonna suck for a while. They'll try to break you and you'll probably consider letting them just to make it stop. But if you want your future to be in basketball, then you'll deal with it. You'll get through it and you'll be a better player because of it."

Shaking his head, the young athlete had to ask, "How hard could it have been for you? _You_ were a legacy," he reminded pointedly.

_"None of us want you on the team. I don't want you. The guys don't want you. My girlfriend sure as hell doesn't want you."_

"No, I was the illegitimate son of someone who hated having me in the same gym he played in," Lucas corrected. Four years made it a little easier to talk about Dan without grimacing. Four years made it a little easier to think about the man he had almost considered his father. But not much easier. "I was the older half brother of the team's captain. A guy who basically hated my guts and also started fights, stole my clothes, kept the ball out of my hands during games, dumped me in a swamp of mud and a long list of other childish pranks because I walked in and took his spot as the team's shooting guard."

It was almost funny to Lucas when he thought about how close they became before high school had ended.

"So what changed?"

"Everybody did," Lucas shrugged. "We all pushed the limits until Whitey pushed back and closed the gym. Basically cancelled basketball," he said, thinking about the night they finally realized that the court didn't matter as long as they kept wanting to play the game. "One night we all went down to the old Rivercourt and played alongside some of my friends there. Five on five with a bunch people parked along the river, watching and laughing. Some cheerleaders sat on the hoods of their cars and rooted for both sides."

In his mind's eye, Lucas could picture Brooke and Peyton sitting on top of the old Mercury convertible with Jenny's baby carrier resting between them. Remembered how Haley joined them, snapping their photograph with a Polaroid camera. Briefly, he wondered which of the three girls had taken that picture home.

"Doesn't sound too realistic," the boy shrugged, bringing Lucas back to the present. "I doubt it'd happen again." He sounded confident but there was just the smallest hint of uncertainty lingering beneath his bravado.

"You'd be surprised," Lucas stated and took one last glace around the gym. "I was."


	6. Moment's You Point To

**A/N: **_Thanks for all the great reviews everyone! The Brucas lunch was definitely awkward but there are things going on that haven't really been touched on yet. You'll get a small glimpse of that here but the real answers are still to come. Hope you continue to enjoy!! Thanks again!_

* * *

**Chapter 6 - Moments you point to**

"It's not that big of a deal, Brooke." Later that evening as the brunette filled her friend in on the happenings of her day, she mentioned how odd it was that Deb showed up out of the blue. The look of guilt on Haley's face told Brooke all she needed to know. Haley James Scott was definitely responsible for the awkward lunch she spent at the café with Lucas while James hung out with his grandmother. "It's not like the two of you weren't going to have lunch on your own anyway," she reminded pointedly.

Shooting the other girl an irritated look, Brooke declared, "That is so _not_ the point."

"Then enlighten me."

Brooke couldn't help noticing how maternal Haley sounded. She could imagine her friend using the same voice on James whenever he tried her patience.

"The point is that I was being impulsive when I agreed to lunch," Brooke admitted candidly. Much as they had done the night before, both women were holed up in the kitchen only this time Brooke was sitting at the counter while Haley cooked dinner for her family. "And there are some things between me and Lucas that I'd prefer to keep buried. Only he doesn't seem to agree," she informed, thinking about his earlier attempts to bring up the infamous party.

"Okay, now I'm lost. What things?" Haley questioned as she lowered her stirring spoon and gave Brooke her full attention.

Opening and closing her mouth, Brooke struggled to say something. The only problem was that she had only ever told one other person the story and that had been because she was too upset to hold it in. "The last time I talked to Lucas… the birthday party two years ago," she said hesitantly. "It was late at night, he was partially drunk and he came by my hotel room," she shrugged, attempting to downplay how strange it had all been. "Long story short, we talked a little… yelled a little… and when the sun came up he walked away and we didn't talk again until yesterday when you convinced me stop by his new apartment."

To say that Haley was confused would be an understatement. Neither friend had ever mentioned anything to her about some verbal showdown that had obviously been a big deal. "Wait, what did you fight about?" she questioned, pinning Brooke with a dubious expression. It wasn't so much that she didn't believe it had been as bad as Brooke implied, it was more that Haley couldn't picture both her friends keeping something so difficult inside for so long. "Brooke?"

But this time Brooke couldn't answer, no matter how much Haley wanted her to.

"The truth is, Hales that I'd rather not talk about it," she said apologetically. "My past with Lucas is colorful at best. You know that. And I'm sure you can also guess how hard it was for me to move on with Chase senior year," Brooke reminded but the truth was that she had no idea if Haley had ever realized how difficult things had been. Unlike their first semester of school, Brooke really only had Rachel to lean on during the second one. The red head had been the one to hear her crying in the middle of the night. Rachel had been the girl who saw past the façade Brooke put on for everyone else.

"Did you? Move on from Lucas, I mean?" Haley asked, resurrecting their conversation from the previous night.

"I didn't sit around my apartment pining for him, if that's what you're wondering," Brooke stated dryly. "But there are things that happened that I never really told anyone. And there are things that happened with Lucas that _he_ never said out loud either. Unfortunately that night in my hotel was all about sharing with each other and not the good kind."

It had been gut wrenching and almost felt like they were breaking up all over again.

"Anyway, enough about my jaded past," Brooke added, waving the topic away. "Your son's evil teacher is obviously not human because she looks exactly like she did when I went to school there."

Haley knew what her friend was doing and because she could see the sadness in Brooke's eyes… she let her.

----------

"_We're going to make it, right?" Peyton asked, unable to hide the apprehension from her voice as she thought about their future. __As they sat together in her room, one sketching random images while the other read, a quiet comfort had enveloped them. One that Peyton was loathsome to break. But so many questions were swirling in her mind and she needed to know if Lucas could see the answers any clearer than she could. __"I mean… we got through one semester with phone calls and e-mails and stuff. We'll get through another one, won't we?"_

_She sounded so unsure of herself, not that Lucas blamed her__ as he glanced up from his book_

_While she was right about getting through a semester apart, he thought about the struggle it had been. The few and far between visits. Five minute phone conversations followed by days without hearing each other's voices. "Of course we will," he said because he knew it was what she needed to hear. Even if he had no idea whether or not he was right. _

_"Of course we will," she repeated, sounding considerably more confident about it. "We will because we've already been through so much and we still made it, didn't we? Psycho wannabe brothers, getting shot in the leg, your HCM… exes." It was a sore subject and one not often touched. So it was a surprise to Lucas when Peyton kept going in that direction. __"We had a lot of roadblocks in our way, didn't we?" she asked but it wasn't a question she meant for him to answer. "But we got around them. So we'll get around this too, right?" _

_The look in her eyes was vulnerable despite the upbeat lilt in her voice and Lucas struggled not to frown at her choice of words. _

_He didn't consider Brooke or Jake for that matter… a roadblock. _

_He wasn't sure about Peyton's feelings towards Jake but Lucas knew that Brooke hadn't __been __a distraction for him. She wasn't this obstacle he had to overcome in order to end up with Peyton. Because for a long time, Brooke Davis had been the only end in his sight. And to hear Peyton refer to her in any other way… Lucas couldn't help but feel like she was trying to cheat him out of an important part of his life. _

_"That's probably __Whitey__," he said when the phone began to ring inside his pocket. _

_Saved by the bell, he thought, wondering if Peyton would keep asking __the same kinds of questions __until she finally got an answer she liked. _

The e-mail had been sitting in his inbox for days but Lucas had been reluctant to open it. The subject line read simply, _Tired_, and he had no idea what she referred to of even if he wanted to know. Especially since any type of communication was a rarity since a few months after their final breakup.

"This is stupid," he muttered to himself and clicked on the e-mail.

Short, simple and straight to the point.

_Lucas,_

_As you know, things here at the label have been pretty crappy. I thought that by now I'd have more of an opportunity to move up to something more interesting or demanding but it seems like I'm permanently stuck in limbo. So after a lot of consideration, I've decided to take a break from the LA music scene. Tree Hill is home and I guess I've never really felt that way about any other town or city. I'll be there in a couple weeks and I don't know how long I'll stay or even what I'll do afterwards but I hope we can get together sometime and hang out. I miss your friendship and hope it's not too late to get it back. _

_Love,_

_Peyton._

"As if life wasn't complicated enough," Lucas said to the empty apartment.

Decidedly confused, he shut the laptop and reached for his keys. He'd yet to change or shower since returning home from practice and decided to take advantage of it. Less than five minutes later he was at the Rivercourt, a place that was as empty and comforting as it had been on so many nights during high school. Back when he'd walk over and shoot baskets until his arms felt numb. It was an exhaustion he always welcomed and one he missed when he realized that his place was at the bench in a tie and not on the court in a jersey.

"Some things never change, huh?" Brooke Davis asked from where she sat on an old picnic table. Her voice was quiet and gentle, almost nostalgic. There had been no other cars in sight and with an overhead bulb burnt out, Lucas hadn't seen her in the shadows when he first drove up. But there she was. Loose cascading waves of hair, jeans and a simple flaming heart black t-shirt. "You still come out here and play against the world?"

Ball in hand, Lucas sat down beside her on the table, wondering how she managed to pop up when he seemed most confused.

"Why were you the only one who ever saw what this place was to me?" he asked, all the while not expecting an answer.

"Because you let me," she whispered, eyes focused on the grass when he reached out to tuck an errant lock hair behind her ear. "But I doubt I'm the only one who understood," Brooke added, suddenly uncomfortable with how close he sat. "I'm probably just the only one who said anything about it out loud." She was positive that Lucas had let Peyton into his Rivercourt world and that her old blonde friend understood the significance of it all.

"You're wrong," Lucas said simply, shrugging.

It frustrated him that she underestimated their relationship and how much it had mattered to him.

He thought about the things Peyton had once said about Brooke and wondered if he was the only one that could acknowledge the truth. "Whether you believe it or not, there are so many things I shared with you that I never allowed anyone else to touch," he admitted, peering out at the court where time and weather had faded the names of so many friends.

_And vice versa_, she silently added. But out loud she asked if coaching a high school team was any different than working with college athletes.

"A little," Lucas said, allowing the subject change. "Plenty of the college players I worked around just didn't have their heart in it. Kind of like they decided they didn't have to try so hard because they already had their free ride." He shrugged again because he knew some would disagree with his opinion. "Even though it gets dirty sometimes, it seems like high school ball players fight harder for their spots. To earn them… to keep them," he mused, remembering how sometimes it was _literally_ dirty.

"_Well, well… the gang's all here," Nathan smirked. "Told you it was gonna get worse. Now see… normally this is when you become part of the team. We have a keg, tell some war stories… but you had to know that wasn't gonna happen, right?" he asked, smug as he stared at his brother's mud stained shirt and restrained expression. "These guys made a choice. To back me. But we're gonna be nice and we're gonna let you walk away. Just quit the team, man. Otherwise it's gonna get ugly." _

"Thinking about your first few weeks with the Ravens?" Brooke asked, correctly figuring out the direction his thoughts had taken.

"A little," he repeated, this time smiling. "Mostly because there's this reluctant kid I'm trying to get on the team only he doesn't think much of the varsity squad." Not that Lucas was willing to give up so easily. After all, if Whitey Durham had taken no for an answer, so many things in his life would have been different. Blander. "As far as the rest of the team sees, he's just some guy from the wrong side of the tracks. The kind that grew up in a single parent family… has a part-time job and whole lot of anger."

"So basically _you_ five years ago," she deduced.

"Basically," Lucas laughed. "I don't know… maybe that's why I want him on the team," he admitted, sharing something with Brooke that he might have only told Whitey. Or Keith, if he was still around. "I see so much of myself in him and when I look back on everything I got to experience… on everything that changed…"

"_How many moments in life can you point to and say, that's when it all changed? You just had one. But don't worry, baby… the popularity __thing's__ not so bad." _

"You just wish for a little of that for him," Brooke quietly concluded, her voice melding with the memory of a girl who stripped in his backseat.

"Yeah. But is that selfish?"

His eyes searched hers for as long as she would let him. He felt himself falling a little as he realized that the perceptiveness she had when it came to his feelings was still there. Brooke still knew who he was inside and not for the first time, he became frustrated thinking about everyone who had underestimated them. Including himself.

"It only selfish if you're trying to live out the glory days through this kid," Brooke finally answered, turning away so that Lucas had no choice but to find another spot to stare at. "But if I know anything at all about you, I can guess that selfish motives have nothing to do with why you're trying so hard," she opined. "Well… aside from the selfish desire to put together the best team but then again… that _is_ your job." She smiled, bellying any hint of severity he might have found in her words. "I should probably get going."

It was as if she suddenly realized she'd begun to let her guard down. All too suddenly her walls came flying up, tucking her away in their safety before Lucas could get too close.

"Okay," he agreed, knowing that nothing he said would stop her. "But at least let me drive you. It's late and dark and…"

"And it's Tree Hill," Brooke added, amused. "My hotel's only a few blocks over and I'm used to walking a later hour on much scarier streets," she reminded. "Goodnight, Lucas."

But as she got further and further away, he found himself wondering something. "Brooke!" he called out. She turned but didn't cease her walking, choosing to take careful steps backwards instead. "Why'd you come out here tonight anyway?"

She smiled again and for the first time that night, he got to see the dimples that always accompanied a wide grin. "Because I made a promise to," she answered, loud enough for him to hear but quiet, so as to not disrupt that calm that always blanketed the riverside park. At least it did for Lucas. "Four years later. Even if I'm a few months late. Night!"

"Goodnight!" _Pretty girl_, he murmured to himself.

----------

Alone in her hotel room, Brooke reached for the cell phone she had left sitting on the nightstand. It was no surprise when she turned it on and saw the alert for three new voice messages and six new texts. It was the last thing she wanted but Brooke had to force herself to remember that the fashion line was the one stable thing in her life. Tree Hill would be another memory. Lucas, Haley… even James. Everything would be hundreds of miles away from another unknown amount of months and weeks. The line, however, would always be there.

Or as long as Brooke continued to work on it.

So she grabbed a pad and pencil from an unpacked bag and began scrawling down the information from the messages.

An upcoming interview. Over the phone if need be. Fabric needed to be ordered, preliminary sketches for another cover shoot had to be reviewed… a meeting with the other Rogue Vogue guest judges. Everyone wanted a piece of her and Brooke began to experience the all too familiar feeling of being stretched entirely too thin.

But while Brooke quickly lost herself in her work, Lucas found himself in his.

As the ball sailed through the chain link net and bounced on the concrete, everything else disappeared. It was just him and the game. Something he played more than a thousand different times. Something that taught him fairness, discipline and brought him friendships and his brother. He'd played more than a hundred games with Nathan. Lucas had even stepped on the court once with every male Scott except his grandfather.

Who he was, what he did, where he went… it was all tied to the game. So were those moments Brooke once talked about. The moments he could point to and say, that's when its changed.


	7. Unexpected Happenings

**A/N: **_Hello everyone! thanks for the great reviews. To answer one of your questions, no I haven't really got into details yet about what happened between Brucas but it's coming soon. I'm glad that everyone's enjoying it so far and I hope you continue too. Thanks again! _

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**Chapter 7 - Unexpected Happenings**

When Brooke finally got to see Lily and Karen, it was when she least expected it.

A phone was attached to her ear and a blackberry in her hands. Solaris was freaking out because she was a day late and swore her period came and went like clockwork. Brooke could sympathize. So in the midst of talking her down and frantically texting an assistant about a cover shoot, she bumped straight into the pair of females. Literally.

Both devices went crashing into the sidewalk, broken into pieces while Brooke resisted the urge to groan.

But the frown she wore turned into a fully fledged smile after seeing who had helped cause the collision. "Karen," she greeted enthusiastically and wasted no time throwing her arms around the older woman. For Brooke, it felt good when the dark haired mother embraced her back just as tightly. Just as pleased to see her.

"I heard you were back in town," Karen said once they had both taken a step back. "Lily, honey… say hi to Brooke," she coached.

"Like from my snow balls?" Lily queried innocently, looking between the two brunettes.

"Snow globes," Karen corrected gently while Brooke smiled, watching as the little blue eyed girl lit up happily.

"Hi Brooke," she said and surprised the brunette by wrapping her arms around Brooke's skirt clad waist. A small hug that was the best greeting she could have received. "Thanks for my snow globes," she added, peering up at her new friend with a wide grin that almost mirrored Keith's smile.

"Oh my god," Brooke gasped quietly before she could stop herself.

"I know," Karen murmured as sadness momentarily filled her eyes.

"Know what, mommy?" Lily questioned, as inquisitive as her cousin James.

"How beautiful you are," Brooke quickly covered and added, "You're also very welcome for the snow globes." Keepsakes of various cities that the young brunette bought whenever she traveled. Yet instead of keeping them on her own shelf for display, she sent them to Lily after each trip.

It had begun after first purchasing one as a gift for the little girl's second birthday. After that it was more of a reminder to Lily that she had one more person in the world who loved her. Even if Brooke was hardly around to watch her grow up. "The silver one's my favorite," Lily informed with a serious expression adorning her young features. "But mommy never lets me shake it," she felt the need to add while Karen stifled a laugh.

"New York at Christmas," Brooke remembered and bent down to scoop up the broken pieces of her electronics. Neither item appeared to be salvageable, though she expected as much.

"Can you fix it?"

"I can always buy new ones."

The phone and blackberry didn't really matter to Brooke anyway. She would call Solaris once she was back at the hotel and e-mail her assistants the new information they needed. What _did_ matter was the chance to spend time with more friends before her life in New York beckoned again. Because Brooke had no doubt that it would beckon soon enough. "We were just on our way to the café to wait for a delivery. Why don't you come inside with us and have some coffee?" Karen suggested, noticing the unkind looks they were getting from people who were trying to get passed them on the sidewalk.

"I'd like that," Brooke agreed without hesitation. "Thanks."

----------

"Somehow I don't think that sending a jersey to his home is gonna make this kid want to join the team," Lucas stated dryly when Whitey advised him to just handle the situation the same way he'd done more than five years before. And the bellow of laughter his words caused the older man had Lucas rolling his eyes, amused.

"Hell, I didn't mean exactly," Whitey declared in his _are you stupid_ voice. "I just meant you should appeal to the side of him that wants to play regardless of who it's for or where it happens."

"Easier said than done," Lucas admitted, sighing tiredly. "I'm not sure why but this kid has got a lot of anger inside of him."

"So did you, in case you'd forgotten," the old coach countered. It was the second time he'd been reminded of his old feelings in less than twenty four hours. "You had your reasons, I'm sure he has his," Whitey assured.

Not for the first time, Lucas wondered what else would have been different if he hadn't joined the Ravens. Or more importantly, would Keith still be alive if he had just stayed at the Rivercourt where he'd been content enough playing against childhood friends? But like every time he asked himself, he couldn't quite figure out the answer. It was hard to pinpoint which moment changed it all though Lucas could guess it was the night of the fire. If he had just let Dan burn with the rest of the dealership… he never would have had the chance to try and get even.

A fact that Lucas had tried living with ever since he learned the truth behind his uncle's death.

"Hey coach…. Sorry," one of his players interrupted. A tall dark haired junior that played center and had the personality of Lucas' old friend, Tim Smith. Or as close to it as anyone else he'd ever met before. It amused Lucas to no end and at the same time, had him fearing for the female population at Tree Hill High. Another Tim walking the halls was definitely something for them to watch out for.

"Practice calls. Talk to you later coach," Lucas ended the conversation and glanced up at the athlete, gesturing for him to take a seat. "What's up, Marshall?"

"It's about that kid that plays down at the park. Travis," he began and glanced at the door as if he expected one of the other players to walk by. "Look, no offense to the other guys but we need a decent point guard who can get the ball into open hands. And word is that he keeps turning you down." Leaning forward, Lucas nodded, silently encouraging him to continue. "Turns out the kid's failing English but can't get a tutor 'cause the center's all booked. So I think if you can hook him up with some help, he'll join the team," Marshall advised in a quiet voice, obviously hoping to keep from being heard by the rest of the team. "For no other reason than to pass, but hey… it's a start, right?"

Nodding, Lucas agreed. "I'll take care of it." He decided that if he couldn't find an available tutor, he'd just spend the extra hours doing it himself. After all, what good was his English degree if he couldn't help a kid that was failing English? "Thanks for the tip, Marshall." Standing, the boy prepared to walk out but instead lingered in the doorway for a minute. He seemed to be trying to work out the right words to say when Lucas beat him to the punch. "What's said in this office, stays here."

"Thanks, coach."

"No problem." He was already searching the school's listing for the extension to the Tutor Center.

----------

"My room," Lily presented proudly as she pushed open the wooden door and led Brooke inside. Various shades of purple made up the comforter, drapes and paint on the wall. Her carpet was pale but soft with each step Brooke took. "See? The snow balls… I mean, globes," the little girl quickly corrected while pointing up at a white bookcase. Lining the shelves were six different spheres of glass, snow and carefully crafted buildings.

The silver one Lily referred to earlier was at the forefront. It was also the largest, Brooke realized as she stared at the silver base and depiction of Rockefeller Center.

"How come I don't see you?" Lily wondered after a quiet moment.

Turning to the little girl, Brooke glanced down at her long braided hair and blue knitted jumper. She smiled fondly, her mind wandering. "Your brother used to wear a lot of blue," she said absent mindedly. "But black was his favorite." Her lips pressed together thinly, unable to push back the memory that came quick and clearly.

_"Lucas… what's your favorite color?" she asked, ignoring the lecture on __E.E. __Cummings.__ The grin she wore was flirtatious, the kind she'd used on plenty of boys over the years. But it was one of the first times she'd directed it at Lucas Scott. A boy who obviously seemed a little uncomfortable with all her attention. _

_"Black,"__ he answered, __puzzled. _

_"Okay… B-L-A-C-K… what's your favorite number?"_

"It's because I live far away." Snapping out of the past, Brooke answered the little girl's question and felt a pang of sorrow as she saw the confusion Lily wore openly. She hadn't meant to startle her with the comment about Lucas. It was just impossible to not think of him when she looked down in blue eyes identical to his.

"Is he your friend," she asked suddenly. "Lucas."

The question, while sounding purely innocent, was definitely a tricky one to answer. Brooke could hardly explain that they had dated twice in high school. That at one point they were hardly on speaking terms. That even though they managed to develop some semblance of a friendship… it was one that hadn't existed in over four years.

"He was once," she finally said. "But now we live really far apart so I don't get to see him anymore."

"James used to live far away," Lily informed and flopped down on her twin sized bed. Black patent leather shoes kicked back and forth as she stared up at Brooke. "But mommy said he was still my friend. Even far away. Maybe you and Luke can be friends still. Like me and James." She seemed so certain. So confident that Brooke's relationship with Lucas could easily be mended. If only things were as simple as they were for four year olds.

"Maybe," she mused and smiled to show Lily that she was alright. "You know, I used to live here," Brooke added, this time smiling a real smile. Not one meant solely for reassurance.

"Really?" Lily perked up. "With mommy?"

"Yup," Brooke agreed and pulled out a miniature chair that sat beneath a low to the ground table. It was the only one not occupied by a stuffed animal. Obviously guests at the tea parties Lily hosted if the set residing on the table's top was any indication. "She let me stay here for a while when I was in school. And I used to wash the dishes and help with dinner," Brooke added as though telling some great story. "I used to help out in the café too."

Down the hall in the kitchen, Karen stood busily seasoning some chicken for dinner. It was Lily's favorite and Karen had promised she'd make it after learning her daughter was named student of the week in her class. "Kind of a lot of food for two people, don't you think?" Lucas queried as he walked in through the backdoor. He wore a hooded sweatshirt and carried a basketball in his hands.

For a moment Karen almost forgot that he wasn't a teenager coming in after a game down at the Rivercourt.

"Especially since one of those people is four," he added. "Mom?" Mystified by her far away expression, he waved a hand in front of her face and saw in her eyes the moment she came back to the present. A question instantly found its way to her mouth, asking him what he had said. "It was just a joke. Are you okay?" Lucas questioned, concern audible in his voice.

"Fine," she smiled and returned her attention to the raw food on her counter. "How was practice?"

"Good," Lucas shrugged and leaned against the refrigerator for a while to watch her work. "One of the guys on the team is failing English and I can't find any of my old Flannery O'Connor compilations. I figured I might have left them here in my room," he explained and risked his hand when he reached out to grab a carrot from the bowl of vegetables his mother set aside.

"If you want to keep that hand, you won't do that again," she warned lightly.

Rolling his eyes out of amusement, Lucas dutifully said, "Yes, mom." With a small grin on his lips, he walked out of the kitchen towards his bedroom. But as he was about to pass his sister's door, he heard a pair of voices talking inside. One definitely belonged to Lily and the other was unmistakably Brooke Davis.

"…do your mommy and daddy live far away still?" she asked after listening to Brooke explain why her parents let her stay with Karen for those weeks in high school

For a moment, she felt like a deer caught in headlights. Brooke had no idea what to say to the little girl who was entirely too young to hear about life's cruelties. To hear it or comprehend it. But she also didn't want to lie either and gave Lily the most honest answer she could. "They had to go away last year."

"Where?" Lily wondered and didn't understand the tears she saw forming in the corners of Brooke's eyes.

Attempting a small smile, Brooke tried to pretend like everything was okay. But from where he stood outside the room, Lucas could hear the sadness in her voice when she spoke. "To heaven."

----------

As she walked through the gate, Peyton half expected Lucas to be waiting for her. When he wasn't, she had to wonder if it was because he hadn't received the second e-mail she sent earlier that morning or because he didn't care to see her. There was no denying that Peyton hoped for the first option.

So with her carryon in one hand and her jacket in the other, she walked through the airport towards baggage claim.

Back in high school, a single bag would have been good enough for a week long trip. Brooke was the one who needed at least three suitcases because of all the shoes and clothes she carted with her. Yet Peyton found herself reaching for three pieces of matching luggage on the carrousel. Each stuffed with clothes, magazines, music and variety of other things. Comfort things. Items she brought along because she had no idea how many days she'd be spending away from LA.

She lived there for years but it was hard to think of it as home.

No one she cared about was in LA. Lucas, Jake, Jenny… Naley… they were all on the east coast. Their lives had kept them away and the distance had never felt bigger than it had been over the previous year. It got to the point that nothing she tried ever managed to chase away the loneliness she felt.

And for plenty of reasons and in plenty of ways, Peyton no longer recognized herself. A fact that scared her more than she was willing to admit.

So she decided to return home. Return to the last place she remembered everything being good. And with her return, she hoped for the same thing she always hoped.

For someone to save her from herself.


	8. The Plot Thickens

**A/N: **_Hello everyone, glad you're still enjoying it!! I only have a quick note for this chapter and it's that the flashbacks you see aren't whole conversations but pieces of much bigger arguments. The rest of the pieces will come in time. Hope you enjoy it and thanks for the amazing reviews!! It always makes me happy to read them ;)  
_

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**Chapter 8 - The Plot Thickens**_  
_

_They stopped yelling long enough for him to look at her. Really look at her. Eyes red rimmed with dried tear tracks down her cheeks__ and hair that was a mess from all the times she'd run her fingers through the long brown strands__. She looked angry and hurt… broken. __He did it to her again and with that realization came a deep seeded shame that took precedence over his own frustration. _

_Suddenly__, before he could think twice about it,__ Luca__s blurted out something that he previously __swore to Peyton he'd never mention__. "I know what she did to you. The night before Nathan and Haley's wedding... I know what she did," he admitted__, sounding almost tortured. She__ couldn't hold back her sob when he asked, "Why didn't you ever tell me?"_

_Her voice was lost. Drowning in tears that never seemed to dry up. _

_"Brooke?"_

_"Does it really matter now?" she managed to ask__, silently praying that he'd say no_

_"Yes."__ Lucas__ saw how much it hurt her and while p__art of him wanted to tell her that the answer__ didn't matter… an even larger part of him knew that it did. _

_"Why?" Brooke questioned, hazel meeting blue as her eyes dared him to give her a reason. _

_He had plenty but his mouth formed the words of the first__ one__ that came to mind. _

_"Because you were the first girl I ever loved," Lucas __uttered, once again speaking before his mind and heart had a chance to catch up with each other__. "I know that most people think it was Peyton and __a long time ago I probably would have agreed__," he shrugged, his voice quiet and almost apologetic.__"T__he truth is that __I __always __cared about her and I__ always__ liked her. I guess I was probably even a bit infatuated with her too but I never realized that I wasn't _actually_ in love with her until I found myself falling in love __with someone else__ I fell in love… with _you._" _

_His palm gently caressed her cheek, just as he had so many times in the past when he was trying to offer her comfort. How many times did she lean closer… did she smile up at him and wait for the __heartfelt kiss he'd place on her lips and they he'd wrap an arm around her waist__? A hundred… a thousand? It shouldn't have been so tempting to want to do it again and it cost __her to listen to the words__… to feel his touch__. A small piece of her heart for each sentence he spoke__ and each second that passed_

_"You were the love of my life and I guess I just want to know why it really ended," Lucas continued with so much emotion in his voice that it became impossible for Brooke to stifle her tears. "I want to know if an unwanted kiss broke us up or if there was something more. Something bigger than what we had between us."_

_The last thing she expected was to hear his voice crack. To see the water swimming in his eyes. And Brooke had no idea if she could give him an answer that would ever explain all the things she felt inside. But because she loved him too… because for once they__ were finally being honest… because __everything __was __out in the open between them… she __took a step back and __dredge__d__ up one o__f her most painful memories. _

_In a voice raspy with fatigue and sadness, she __began to speak. _

_"After she told me that she was in love with you, she had the nerve to ask if I was." It still sounded ridiculous to her ears two years later. Still made her so angry inside. "It was as if she thought no one could possibly love you more than she did. That what the two of you shared was so rare… that she was willing to throw my entire friendship with her back in my face.__ Ten years worth.__" _

_How was the pain still so raw, she wondered. _

_"It was never just about the kiss, Lucas but there were so many things going on with me... things that you were oblivious to you because you were always too busy with something or someone else." Memories of trying to make dresses for her new website while he was off with Peyton, the party at THH after the shooting… countless other similar instances all invaded her mind before she could stop them. "I__ don't even remember when or how it happened but I just kind of__ took a back seat with__ you and __as much as I hated it… I accepted it.__" Too many times she had wondered why she did it but the answer was always the same. __"__ Because I loved you and because I thought that I deserved it for all the mistakes I made in my past. Karmic justice or something like that." _

_"Brooke…" Lucas attempted and clenched his hands in tight fists to keep from reaching out to her__ again_

_"But when everything piled on top of me, I guess the kiss was kind of just the straw that broke the camel's back," she continued as though he hadn't spoke. It was only in the back of her mind that she heard him because every other part of herself was focused on things that broke her heart. "__Because when I stood there and__ liste__ned to you tell me about it… __thought about the things Peyton told me... suddenly time just rewound itself and there I was... catching the two of you kissing just after you'd broken up with me junior year.__"_

_She could see his mouth open, his lips stutter. __ Lucas wanted to say something. T__o refute her words, maybe. But something inside of him must have told him that she needed to finish. He had asked for an explanation and even if it did more damage than good in the end… at least it would have been said. There could be no questions later. _

_"__ And even if that wasn't the way it happened in the library and even if you _did_ love me in spite of it all, I knew that it would never be enough." Tears clouded her vision but she kept talking. _

_Beautiful Goodbye played quietly around them, a seemingly perfect backdrop to their conversation. It was Amanda Marshall and despite the sadness in the song, Brooke loved it. But listening to it with Lucas, she knew she'd never be able to listen to it again without thinking about their confessions. It would forever be tied to him like so many other songs, movies and memories. One more thing to add to a list that never seemed to end. _

_"_I_ would never be enough because you were always leaving my bed to go to her room. I was never first with you unless she let me be. Unless she didn't need you in that moment and when she did... I fell back into second place again." Shaking her head, Brooke stepped back and away from Lucas __when __he tried to get closer. No, her body said. "Peyton had your secrets and she had your shoulder and when I finally accepted it... that's when I stopped missing you."_

_But he couldn't accept that there had been no other choice. "Why didn't you say something? Why didn't you…"_

_"When _didn't_ I say something?" she bit back as the sadness flooding her body began to turn to anger. "God, Lucas… how else could I say it? __There was no way I could have tried harder bu__t you just never understood that I needed you to need me back. Me. Not her," she yelled, no longer concerned with the late hour and the other guests rooming around her. "I needed to be the one you turned to when things got hard. More than anything I just wanted _you_. But I never had you, not completely. There was always this hold she had on your heart that I could never touch. No matter how hard I tried." _

_"No," he shook his head. "My heart was yours, Brooke. It was always yours." _

_"You mean your broken heart," she reminded, just as frustrated. "You were my boyfriend, Lucas. You were supposed to love me__… be honest with me…__ and __yet __you hid a life threatening condition from me for months." _

_For the first time that night, he had no defense. _

_She was right. He had lied to everyone, including Brooke, about his HCM. _

_"Not that I should have ever been surprised," she added in a quieter voice. Defeated. "You kept so much of yourself locked away from me. Even if I __never gave you a reason __to __not __trust me… you still never let me inside." Brooke wasn't sure what she was crying for anymore. The heartbreak she was feeling then… or the knowledge that two years had done nothing to soothe the stings of their breakup? _

When Brooke walked out into the hall with Lily by her side, a noise on her right startled her into looking up. From behind his bedroom door, Lucas appeared and carried with him a small stack of books in one hand. "Luke!" came the enthusiastic greeting of his younger sister. Though they had just seen each other a couple days before, she hurriedly launched herself at him in a happy embrace.

"Hey jellybean," he smiled and swung the little girl up in his arms.

Fear that he had somehow heard her earlier confession began to fade away as Brooke stood back and watched brother and sister interact. "You remember Brooke, right?" Lily questioned, remembering that the brunette told her distance kept her from being friends with Lucas like she once was.

"Could never forget her," Lucas said but his smile was directed at his sister, rather than at his ex-girlfriend.

"She's my friend," Lily informed proudly.

"She's a good friend to have," the blonde said and Brooke had to look away because there were too many memories swirling around in her head. Being back in his home with him standing there beside her… it was almost too much after the emotional rollercoaster she'd been on after talking about her parents' untimely death. Even if there were only a few details and it was Lily that she gave them to. "Why don't you go find mom and see if she needs any help in the kitchen," Lucas suggested, making it sound more like an adventure than a chore.

Brooke had to give him credit for one thing. He certainly had a way with the children in his life.

"Okay," she agreed easily enough and ran down the hall, footsteps echoing around them.

"If this wasn't your house, I'd wonder if seeing you again was really a coincidence," Brooke said but her voice was light, teasing.

"Some might call it fate," Lucas replied, smiling down at her like he had done countless times before. "Were you staying for dinner?" he asked, deciding that if she had plans to stay, he would too. All the while he thought about her words to his sister. Honest and simple. Lucas guessed that it was the first time she'd said it out loud. And he wondered why.

"How could I refuse when Lily was named student of the week in her class?" Brooke stated and looked down the hall to the kitchen where mother and daughter were chatting happily. "She's as beautiful as your mom but her smile belongs solely to Keith. I bet you love to see her smile," she mused thoughtfully and watched several emotions play across his face before he nodded mutely. "I'll tell you another thing… that little girl absolutely adores you," Brooke added kindly.

"The feeling's mutual," Lucas quietly said. "How about you set the table and I'll finish up the salad my mom started?" he suggested, remembering another time they did something similar.

Assumptions that he had feelings for Peyton had caused her declaration to Karen that they could easily live under the same roof together because they were just friends. She didn't realize that the girl Lucas wanted to be with wasn't her blonde haired best friend, but actually her.

"I suppose I could manage that," Brooke agreed, thinking that it was strange how they had fallen into an old, familiar form of friendship. It was a little tense and so uncertain. Much like those first few weeks after Lucas returned from Charleston, determined to win back the friendships of the two girls he dated and eventually hurt.

Brooke almost wanted to dig her heels in. With an upcoming flight scheduled at the end of three days, she wasn't so sure it was a smart thing to get close to Lucas Scott again. Because as much as she wanted to deny it to anyone who asked, a part of her heart would always belong to him. And that was a dangerous place for it to be.

"Come on."

----------

"_What are you doing here?" he asked while running a tired hand over his eyes. The faint scent of alcohol still lingered on his tongue but the freeing feeling it had provided him with earlier that night had long since faded away. Now all that remained was a slight throbbing in his head and an exhaustion that had spread throughout his entire body. _

_"I tried calling but your phone was off," Peyton answered, feeling like an intruder in his bedroom for the first time. "Where were you?" _

_Lucas knew his answer would only provoke another fight but he wasn't willing to lie about it either. Lies were what made the mess he currently found himself in and he wasn't going to add to it. "I went to see Brooke," he admitted, unmoved when her eyes widened slightly in surprise. _

_"Why?" was her immediate __question._

_"Because you broke her heart," Lucas stated simply. "We both did, except I never knew that. I knew my sins but you kept yours from me and…" he trailed off because he could see the hurt his words caused Peyton. It almost made him want to stop but just as quickly an image of Brooke flashed in his mind. She was so sad. Crying. Only now he realized all the reasons behind the expressions of sadness she couldn't quite hide anymore. "You lied to me, Peyton. __Even when I was always honest with you about my feelings… you lied to me." _

_Shaking her head, Peyton felt a tear slip down her cheek. "It wasn't a lie, Lucas. I thought that she told you and when I realized that she didn't… I figured there was no point. It wouldn't change anything," she defended while frustrated hands pushed at the limp curls that had fallen from a messy ponytail. _

_"Maybe not for her… but it would have for me," Lucas declared, punchy with fatigue and in no mood to argue. "And not just the argument you had with Brooke… but the other secrets you kept. Things that _do_ make a difference, even now," he stated and felt his frustration deepen at the sight of more tears. _

The picture he found pressed between two pages in an old book was one he'd long since forgotten about. Smiling faces looked up at him. Three friends who, as it turned out, were never really friends at all. It was impossible, even if they didn't realize it at the time. Because feelings always had a nasty way of getting between people.

Peyton kept Lucas from committing to Brooke and when she decided she wanted him… the two had cheated on a girl that hadn't deserved the betrayal. Then the love he had for Brooke had somehow brought Peyton to the conclusion that he was still the one she wanted. Brooke and Jake aside. And though she hadn't gone after Lucas herself, she forced Brooke's hand. She changed things that should have never changed and in the end, none of the friendships had survived.

Yet through it all, Lucas had to acknowledge the role he played in the demise.

His uncertainties and inability to chose had initially caused problems. Then later it was the blind spot he had for a girl that seemed to need him more than his girlfriend did.

"What's that?" Lily asked when she spied her brother flipping through a book's pages. "Is it for school?" The questioned managed to garner the attention of the other two brunettes in the room as they stared up from their various tasks.

"Just some short stories," Lucas answered and returned the photograph to its place before any noticed it. "They're for one of the guys on the team," he explained and began to tell his sister about the boys he coached. She was undeniably excited over the prospect of going to games and watching him in action. Though she'd seen him on TV a couple of times at the bench with Whitey, she really didn't understand much of the game. Now that he was back in Tree Hill, Lily wanted Lucas to teach her everything there was to know about basketball. Naturally Lucas was happy to oblige.

"James always watches games on TV," Lily continued. And in the midst of their discussion along with Karen bringing various food dishes to the table, a knock on the door cut through their noise.

"I'll get it," Brooke volunteered since she was closest to the door.

The light that usually lit up the porch was burnt out so there was no shadow to hint at the person's identity. And when Brooke's hand turned the knob, she found none other than Peyton Sawyer standing on the other side.

"And the plot thickens," Brooke muttered under her breath when her former best friend seemed too stunned to speak.


	9. Doesn't Get Easier With Time

**A/N: **_Thanks everyone for the great reviews! I know you have some questions and some will be answered within the next couple of chapters and others will take a little longer to uncover but I hope you continue to enjoy the story. Some might not like a little of the Peyton conversations but I am absolutely, without a doubt 110 percent **anti**-leyton. So don't worry, it'll all work out. Thanks again for the reviews!_

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**Chapter 9 - Doesn't Get Easier With Time  
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"_So what are you and Chase going to do about the distance?" Peyton queried as she sat on Brooke's bed, watching her friend unpack one item of clothing after another. Her own luggage still remained untouched, sitting beside the door in the room she'd be occupying down the hall. It wasn't nearly as lavish as Brooke's but then again, it was only a guest bedroom. _

_"I'm not sure," Brooke admitted quietly. "He's been ready to go to USC since way before we even met. And even with my parents here, California just isn't the place for me. Plus, if I'm ever gonna have a shot at a career in fashion… I need to be__ in__ New York," __she explained. __"At least to start out." __But try as she might, she couldn't keep the sadness out of her voice. _

_While Peyton heard it, she never noticed the fear that also coated Brooke's words. _

_"Yeah, I know what you mean," the blonde said. Her mind was already thousands of miles away. Back in Tree Hill with the boy she left behind. "Lucas has that whole state school, coaching thing set. And I have no idea where I'll end up," she admitted. "I guess I just need to remember how much we love each other. That we can get through the distance, you know?" _

_Several responses crossed Brooke's mind but she settled on the most honest one. The response she would have given without hesitation if the guy had been anyone else but Lucas. "Love can get you through a lot of things Peyton but it isn't always enough. Being on tour almost broke Nathan and Haley and it had more to do than just his insecurities about Chris," she reminded, thinking back to all the anger and bitterness that had consumed Nathan while his wife was away. "You can love someone with your whole heart but if it isn't meant to be… then no amount of wishing will make it work." _

_Confused, Peyton closed her eyes and shook her head. It was as if she was shaking away the fog her mind was in. "Wait… are you trying to tell me that I shouldn't worry about me and Lucas because in the long run it won't work anyway?" she questioned but where Brooke expected anger, there was only more confusion. And a little bit of hurt. _

_Sighing, she set down the dress she was about to hang up and instead looked her best friend in the eyes. "I'm saying that love isn't perfect," she corrected gently. "You love each other and that's great. So if you two are meant to be together, no matter how difficult it is at times, you'll get through. Because people who are meant to be together always find their way in the end." _

_Brooke didn't mention that she had first said those words to Lucas two years before. And though she talked about Karen and Keith, when she believed the two were meant to be together, in the end their love wasn't enough. Hate was too strong of an emotion. Now once again Karen was a single mother trying to raise a child_

_And__ the man she loved __now __rested somewhere in the heavens__, undoubtedly watching from his place above_

_Brooke wasn't so sure she believed the words anymore. But she kept telling herself she did. Holding on to a beautiful ideal made it easier at times to get through the lonely moments. _

_"Okay, who are you and what have you done with my shopaholic best friend?" Peyton asked, hoping to lighten the mood a little. But her words had the opposite effect and Brooke had to fake a smile. Because even after all they had been through, Peyton still couldn't see the changes inside Brooke. She would always be the D student that had a good heart buried beneath shallow tendencies. _

The polite thing to do was invite Peyton inside, so that was what they did. But the blonde seemed nervous when she was realized she was interrupting what appeared to be a family dinner. Apologies on her lips, she offered to leave and come back later. No one knew what to say at first but it had been Brooke that told her to stay.

The reunion of three would happen one way or another, she believed. It was inevitable.

So Peyton sat down at the table throughout dinner and attempted to hide the uncertainties she obviously felt. Uncertainties that quickly turned into feelings of inadequacies.

In the past she had had so much success with Jenny. She had loved and adored the little girl and the feeling, it seemed, had always been mutual. But when Peyton tried to stir up conversation with Lily about school and her friends, the little girl's immediate response had been to shy away.

Karen had been mystified by her daughter's behavior and Peyton looked as though she was trying hard to feel hurt by it.

Of course she was always polite. Karen had raised her daughter to always be polite, but Lily didn't remember Peyton and seemed a little frustrated that the blonde continued to bring up things that Lily had no recollection of. Moments in time that occurred when she was no more than a couple years old.

So when dinner was through and the plates had been cleared, Brooke feigned a headache. Naturally Lucas had offered to drive her home when she insisted on calling a cab but Brooke gently turned him down. It just didn't seem like a smart idea. Especially since Peyton no longer appeared to be in any hurry to leave. Though she smiled awkwardly as she said goodnight, the blonde was obviously anxious to sit down and talk to Lucas.

Not that Brooke was in any way surprised.

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"I was thinking that maybe you could recommend someone to take a look at my car," Peyton said, wringing her hands together nervously. They were behind closed doors but unlike so many times in the past, she felt uncomfortable and off balance. "It's basically been sitting in the garage at home and I'd love to get it running again," she explained, hoping he'd volunteer for the job as he had five years ago when she made the same request for her dad's old car.

"You should call Deb. I'm sure she'd send someone over from the body shop to take a look at it," Lucas said quietly.

After Dan was tried and sentenced, it came as a shock to everyone that he left control of the dealership to Karen, along with the title to the body shop he'd once purchased from Keith. But she wanted no part of anything Dan had touched and signed everything over to Deb. It was a good way to keep herself out of trouble. The business would give her a reason to feel tired and proud at the end of the night. Something that Deb truly needed after her stints in rehab and the loneliness she felt once Haley, Nathan and James moved away for college.

Deb promised to do a good job because she also had another responsibility that mattered a great deal to her. Becoming godmother to little Lily Roe Scott. And with that title along with being a grandmother came the desire to be a better role model than she had been in the previous years.

"Right… yeah, of course. I'll just... you know, call Deb." Pushing past disappointment, Peyton looked around the room that seemed so bare.

The bed remained along with most of the furniture but the posters that had once graced his wall were now gone. Pictures were noticeably absent as well as the majority of books that had once lined his shelves. It was also so empty… so different. "Peyton, what are you doing here?" Lucas finally asked.

She was surprised it had taken him so long.

"Didn't you get the e-mail I sent?"

"Yeah, you mentioned something about a visit," Lucas replied, thinking of the letter that he'd been so loathsome to open. "But I thought that wasn't for a couple more weeks," he added, confused when he saw her slight smile.

Time had changed her appearance. Long hours of work had probably also contributed.

The blonde hair that had gone through various lengths of straight and curly was now cut short and sleek. A cap of light hair that was pin straight and so unlike the unruly mass it had been when they first began all those years before. Her eyes were still as green and closed off as they had ever been but now dark circles tinted the skin beneath them. Lucas could read the tiredness on her face and wondered if she had been crying because of the hints of red he saw around the green depths.

"Change of plans," Peyton said. "I e-mailed you this morning but I guess you never got it."

It was a small thing but she was glad to know he hadn't received the second letter. It at least proved that he didn't show up at the airport because he'd been unaware as opposed to unconcerned. "It's been a long day," Lucas replied and dug his hands in the pockets of his windpants.

Sighing, Peyton toyed with the hem of her leather jacket for a few moments before asking, "Is it at all possible to try and remember the friendship we once had?"

"It wasn't really much of a friendship, if you think about it," Lucas said without hesitation. He could see the sadness she carried around, weighing down her shoulders, but unlike all his previous actions, this time he stayed put. There was no impulse to rush forward and comfort her as he had done so many other times. "Friendships are supposed to include honesty and there wasn't a whole lot of that in ours, was there?"

"Lucas, I was always honest with you," Peyton quickly defended. "Sometimes more honest than I should have been," she added, thinking of the night she told him her true feelings.

"One bit of truth hardly matters when its sitting on top of a bunch of other omissions."

"Are you trying to say that it didn't matter when I first told you I loved you?" she demanded, looking at him with unseeing eyes. Peyton could hardly believe that the man standing before her had once been the same boy who had loved and taken care of her. She searched but it was almost impossible to find traces of that boy.

"I'm saying that I'm tired of having the same conversation because the end is always the same," Lucas said tiredly. "I promised Lily I'd read to her before I left and I have another long day tomorrow. So you should probably go," he advised quietly. There were no intentions to hurt her or make things worse but Lucas couldn't stand around playing the same games. They were old and had long since grown weary of them.

"Fine," Peyton sighed, defeat mixed with hints of anger. "But before I go I just need to know one thing," she added and Lucas knew her question before she even asked it.

"When you ask the same questions, you'll always get the same answers," he said simply and watched her shoulders slump. Quietly, she closed the outside door behind her and left Lucas to his musings. He wondered if there would ever be a resolution to the merry go round that never seemed to stop. Even knowing where he wanted it to land, he had no idea if it ever would.

----------

"I told you, you'd be fine," Brooke stated as she leaned back in bed and listened to her roommate's excited rant. "It was probably just stress or something."

"Either way it's a relief," Solaris stated with a sigh. "Truth is… if it had been more, I have no idea who the father could have been." She sounded almost embarrassed by the confession and not for the first time, Brooke was reminded of her own past. Of the girl she used to be. Drunken nights, plenty of boys and not many memories to accompany it all.

"Honestly, I don't understand why you won't just settle down with that editor guy you like so much," Brooke admitted, all the while already knowing the answer.

No matter how good the guy was, Solaris had a difficult time with trust.

Too many men wanted a piece of her for various reasons and it made it difficult to pinpoint the one who deserved her attention. Brooke thought her friend had found that guy when she began dating an editor at W but Solaris wasn't as certain. "Because I'm only twenty and there's no way in the world I've already met the guy I'm meant for. It doesn't happen when you're this young, Brooke. Not for girls like me." Cynical as it was, Brooke could hardly blame Solaris for her viewpoint.

Not everyone was Naley. Not everyone found their true love at age sixteen. And of those who did… few got to keep it.

"You never know," Brooke offered and chatted with her roommate for a few more minutes before Solaris got another call that she absolutely had to take. A photographer twho she had dated off and on since she was seventeen. Personally Brooke thought he was a scumbag but Solaris was content enough so she kept her mouth shut.

Alone in a quiet room, she contemplated finding something suitable on cable to watch. Or maybe walking down the local video store to rent a new release. There were plenty of them that Brooke hadn't seen since she had little time in the city for things as simple and pleasant as going to the movie theater to catch the latest blockbuster. Not to mention the overflowing TIVO box back at the apartment that was saving all the newest episodes of all her favorite shows.

Though the task of deciding which moving to rent was put on hold when Haley called. "I tried your cell but it went straight to voicemail," she informed while Brooke glanced at the trashcan that housed the broken pieces of her phone.

"Long story. What's up?" she asked in what she hoped was a cheerful voice.

"Call me selfish but I kind of wanted to know if you'd come over again," Haley said, cajolingly.

"Is everything alright?" Brooke was quick to ask.

"Yeah, fine… same as usual," Haley responded. "But you'll be leaving in a few days and with your schedule, who knows when you'll be back so… I guess I just wanted to hang out a little more," the young mother admitted. "I have ice cream," she added, hoping to tempt her friend's sweet tooth.

"Sold," Brooke easily agreed.

Searching the room for her discarded keys, the last thing she expected was a knock on her door.

Few people even knew where she was staying. The small circle including, Haley, Karen and Lucas. Yet Brooke doubted it was any of the three, especially not Haley. So it was with mild trepidation that she pulled open the door and found Peyton Sawyer standing on the other side for the second time that night.

"This night just keeps getting interesting," Brooke said lightly and held the door open wide, silently inviting the blonde in.

"I know I'm probably the last person you expected to see here," Peyton acknowledged, offering a small smile.

"Which makes us even, I guess," Brooke replied, then elaborated because of the blonde's confused expression. "I'm sure I was the last person you expected to find when you went to see Lucas." She did it first. She said his name and brought him into the conversation to avoid beating around the bush later. Because Brooke had no doubt that their mutual ex was part of, it not the whole reason why Peyton decided to swing by her hotel room.

"I didn't know that the two of you still kept in touch," Peyton said, baiting. And because she was eager to get the conversation over and done with so she could go see Haley, Brooke took the in she was given. Then afterwards it was an effort to not roll her eyes when she noticed the small hint of relief in Peyton's green gaze. She was obviously happy to learn that Brooke and Lucas had not talked in over two years before her return visit to Tree Hill. But what she said next did come as a small surprise to the brunette who had assumed something entirely different. "He and I don't really talk that much either," Peyton admitted while glancing around at the neat little hotel room.

It wasn't stylish or chic but homey and comforting instead. The walls were painted with soft muted colors and the lighting was low and relaxing. It was reminiscent of a little bed and breakfast with vases of fresh flowers and the old fashioned four poster bed.

"Staying friends with an ex is rarely easy," Brooke acknowledged after a moment's pause.

"That's the truth," Peyton said, thinking of the broken friendships with both Lucas and Jake. Neither had been salvageable when all was said and done. They'd all gone their separate ways and for a while, Peyton believed it was for the best. But with time passed, she was no longer as certain as she'd once been. Especially because of the loneliness that never seemed to completely go away. "Particularly when the ex is Lucas Scott, right." It was an attempted joke but Brooke hardly found it funny.

"Listen, Peyton… we haven't exactly spoken in a few years, not that I blame you because it was just as much me as it was you," the brunette stated, deciding to end it before it began. "So I can only guess that the reason you're here talking to me now is because of Lucas. But the thing is that I have nothing to do with whether you get back together or stay apart and I'd prefer it if you continued to leave me out of it." Surprise registered on Peyton's face but she said nothing to interrupt. "So if you don't mind… I have other things to do tonight than play back and forth with you because you don't know how else to ask about him."

In the past Brooke Davis had given plenty of people reasons to underestimate her. She rarely showed her serious side and even then, some were content to continue casting her in the role she had previously played. It was comfortable to believe that she would always be the girl who made mistakes. The one who never had the moral high ground.

But Brooke had grown up a lot since then and she no longer accepted the typecast.

She was strong and not at all eager to get sucked back into the triangle from hell. "Brooke…" the blonde began uncertainly. "It isn't just about Lucas. It's about the friendship we used to have."

Closing her eyes, Brooke felt a wave of anger flood her senses. But when she spoke, there was nothing but calmness in her voice. "If that was true, then you wouldn't have waited until you saw me with Lucas and his family. You would have called or e-mailed… you would have found some way to contact me. So please don't try to pretend that this visit is more than actually is."

"Brooke, I don't even know if Lucas and I have a shot again but I swear to you that he isn't the reason why I'm here," Peyton assured, eyes pleading with her former best friend. "I lost my way in Los Angeles. I'm not proud of the things I did or the person I became which is why I decided to come back here. I needed the stability to get myself back on track and I really hope that somehow we can mend our broken friendship."

She seemed sincere but Brooke wasn't sure she could give in. Not after all the lying and heartbreak the blonde had contributed to.

"The thing is, Peyton… I'm not so sure we ever had a friendship," Brooke said quietly. "Or if we did it probably wasn't much of one if it could be broken so easily." It wasn't meant to hurt but the brunette couldn't lie for the sake of making things easy. "So like I said… I have someone else to see tonight. A friend that didn't think friendships only lasted until a great guy came along."

"Low blow," Peyton stated.

"Fitting… isn't it?"


	10. Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

**A/N:** _Hello everyone! As always, I'm glad you're enjoying this fic. Some, possibly a little uncomfortable leyton conversation, but nothing too horrible. There a few more flashbacks and a few more answers. Hope you continue to enjoy! Thanks again!_

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**Chapter 10 - Breaking Up Is Hard To Do**

Ringing the bell would have undoubtedly woken James, so Brooke knocked on the front door and waited for one of her friends to open it. But when a few seconds turned into a couple of minutes with no response, she walked around to the back of the beach house. The sliding glass doors were unlocked, a surprise considering how strict Haley was about it. So Brooke slipped inside and instantly heard the married couple arguing somewhere down the hall.

But rather than interrupt their dispute, she headed towards the stairs and hurried up each step. Brooke was glad to realize that their angered sounds didn't drift upwards, ensuring that James was probably blissfully unaware of their argument. Yet she checked up on him none the less, remembering countless times she'd been in his position.

Countless times she snuck out at night or placed headphones on her ears to drown out the voices.

But James was too young to do that or understand it.

Brooke couldn't help the overwhelming desire she felt to protect him. It was instinctive even though her mind told her that Nathan and Haley were nothing like her own parents. They loved each other and were just going through a rough patch. They'd work it out, Brooke was certain. But it still wouldn't hurt to check on her godson, she silently told herself.

Bright colors greeted her from behind closed doors when she walked into his room. Blue, red and yellow made up a rug near his bed. Books lined shelves, toys lay in various places. A SpongeBob nightlight lit the space near his pillow, casting a soft yellow glow over his serene features.

_What a beautiful boy_, she thought. So smart and loving. Curious and eager to learn all the world's secrets.

Brooke could imagine that James was like Lucas had been as a child.

It was easy to see why they were so close.

Not for the first time, Brooke wished she had taken more trips down to North Carolina to see her friends. She supposed there had been time here and there, in between this or that. But visiting Naley and James meant having to see Lucas. Something that Brooke could have handled at first but definitely not after their blowout two years before. By then it was too hard to see him. She was too scared that he'd want to continue the discussion that they left open ended when he walked out of her hotel room.

Scared was a strange feeling to have for Lucas Scott. He was her first love. The boy she cheered the loudest for on the basketball court. The one who made her feel safe and cherished when his arms were wrapped around her. Lucas was the boy she could talk to or just sleep beside. He was everything. But so much had changed that it was almost impossible to pick the point where it had all deteriorated.

Brooke supposed it started during the summer after graduation. Specifically during her trip to LA with Peyton.

Day by day she begun to realize that the girl she had once loved like a sister was no longer as important to her as she had been. Brooke didn't feel like she could be completely open and honest with the blonde. Almost as if she was scared to let Peyton in on too much of her life because she thought the blonde would try to take it all like she had done with Lucas. Like she had taken Brooke's friendship with Haley because it seemed to be a package deal that came along with dating the tutor girl's best friend.

So Brooke asked herself how it was possible to maintain a friendship with someone she no longer trusted.

The answer was… she couldn't. And with that knowledge, she slowly began to distance herself from Peyton. They each did their own thing while in Los Angeles together and at the end of summer, the conversation they had cemented their fate. It was over. They'd go their separate ways with the knowledge that broken friendships couldn't be mended unless the desire behind it was genuine. Not because they were nostalgic or lonely.

So she moved to New York and struggled to get by until that first Rogue Vogue Competition. There she found Solaris again and made a true friend.

They became roommates shortly after and had been living together ever since.

"Hello?"

The little boy's voice, sleep roughened and confused, pulled Brooke out of her musings. Turning to face the little boy again, she noticed his eyes were open but even in the relative darkness she could see the fog of sleep inside the depths. "Hey," she greeted quietly. "I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" Brooke asked and instantly realized that it hadn't been her, but his parents that had awoken the slumbering child.

Voices drifted up the stairs, followed by a door being slammed.

"It's okay," James said, shrugging a little as he sat up in bed. "It happens." But Brooke realized he wasn't taking about waking up. She guessed he was referring to the arguing that had just come to a climactic end.

"So what do you do when you can't sleep?" Brooke queried, hoping to take his mind off the sounds they just heard.

"Uncle Luke reads to me. Daddy taught me team names. I say them sometimes to get sleepy," James answered and covered a yawn with his hand. "Mommy tells stories but I know them all already."

Smiling, Brooke replied, "I'm sure you do."

Footsteps hurrying up the steps alerted Brooke that one of her friends was on their way up.

"I'll be right back," she assured James and slipped out of his bedroom as Haley appeared on the landing. The other woman's eyes widened and she just barely stifled a scream as she realized it was Brooke, and not some intruder. "Sorry," the brunette quickly apologized and made sure the door was closed firmly behind her. "I knocked but no one answered and when I heard you and Nathan… I just came to check on James," she explained, noticing the water gathering in the corners of her friend's eyes. "Hales?"

"It's nothing," the young mother quickly waved away the concern. "Just more of the same old stuff."

But it didn't look like nothing to Brooke. In fact it definitely looked like something. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, remembering a similar instance where she had listened to the married couple fight. Back then she and Lucas had been holed up inside her bedroom with their ears pressed to the door while Nathan and Haley argued over birth control.

Without her even realizing it, too many of her memories in Tree Hill were tied to Lucas Eugene Scott. An odd thing considering that she had only known him for two years before graduation.

"Not much to say," Haley replied and plopped down on the top step. "Like I said, basically the same old stuff," she added while Brooke followed suit and joined her on the carpeted landing. "He's starting physical therapy soon and I think it makes him nervous. Only he can't admit that so instead he acts like a total jackass and swaps his nervousness with anger," Haley summarized with a shrug.

"The whole… I don't need to ask for directions syndrome," Brooke acknowledged lightly.

"God, I hate that syndrome," Haley rolled her eyes. "Swearing that a real man doesn't get lost and doesn't ever ask for help." She felt Brooke bump her shoulder playfully and couldn't help but smile. "I know that one day my baby will grow up into a man but I'm thankful that he at least has an even temperament. Unlike his hot head father."

Brooke understood that Haley was just feeling angry and therefore gave her friend the opportunity to bash without intervening on Nathan's behalf.

"I just wish he wasn't so stubborn," she concluded quietly.

With her eyes trained downward, Brooke couldn't help focusing on the wedding rings Haley wore on her left hand.

"_Love is not love which alters when alteration finds. When life gets hard and things change, true love remains the same. I look at Nathan and Haley and somehow I feel safer. I don't know if I can explain that but… they give me hope. And I'm afraid to say it out loud because maybe if life finds out, it would try to beat it out of them and that would be a shame. Because we all can use a little hope sometimes. That feeling that everything is going to be okay and that there's gonna be someone there to help us make sure of that. So here's to Nathan and Haley. Here's to hope and here's to a love that will not alter."_

"But if he wasn't so stubborn," Brooke began in a soft, far away voice. "Then he wouldn't have fought so hard for you when Dan and Deb were pressuring him to end the marriage. He wouldn't have stepped up to be a father even though he was scared. He wouldn't have dove into the water to help save Cooper and Rachel," she gently reminded and with watery eyes she said, "Nathan loves you so fiercely, Hales. He always has. He always will."

Just as she had been on the day of the wedding, Brooke couldn't help but feel a little jealous. She certainly didn't begrudge her friends their happiness and understood that it wasn't all sunshine and roses but she still longed for someone special of her own. Someone who would fight for her when life got hard and who would stand beside her throughout the little successes and moments of happiness. Someone she could share her life with.

She wanted a love that wouldn't alter.

"I know," Haley whispered. "I know."

----------

_Shaking his head, he looked at the sketches that still lined her walls. Images that were both sad and real. Hours or work spent depicting events in her life. But one in particular caught his attention. It had been so long since he had seen it that it was almost a surprise at first. "People always leave," he murmured under his breath, aware that she was watching his every move. _

_"I guess you can add your name to the bottom of the list," Peyton stated bitterly. _

_"You're not the only one losing here, Peyton," he stated with hints of anger beneath his words. "You act like I'm doing something horrible to you. Like I'm just abandoning you for no reason," Lucas said, staring at the blonde haired girl before him as though she was a stranger. In many ways… too many to count… she was. _

_"Aren't you?" Peyton bit back. _

"_No," he shook his head. "You know that things haven't been right between us for a long time now," Lucas reminded with a small pang of regret in his chest. "Somewhere along the line, everything just got so messed up. And maybe if we were meant to be… we'd be able to work through it somehow." His hands found safety in his pockets as his eyes focused on hers. "I love you, Peyton. I honestly do but… it's just not enough anymore. Maybe it never was." _

_Tears slipped from the corners of her eyes and she wrapped her arms tightly around herself. Devoid of makeup with her hair pulled up haphazardly, she looked so young. Almost innocent as she stood, feeling as though her whole world was falling down around her. "How can you say that?" she questioned. __"After everything we went through to be together… how can you pretend that it doesn't matter?" _

_It had never been his intention to hurt her but Lucas knew that it was the only way to make her see his reasons. "When you build a house __of __cards on unsteady ground… it'll always crumble," he began quietly. "Being together has always been at someone else's expense. Both Brooke and Jake can attest to that. And the truth is that a part of me has always felt like I need to be there to protect you. Like I needed to find some way to bring the sadness out of your eyes." _

_"Don't," Peyton__ warne__d strongly. "Don't you dare stand there and say there's never been anything between us but your hero complex." _

_"That's not what I'm saying," Lucas agreed. "You've always meant something to me. I've always wanted to be in your life in one way or the other but __nothing has been the same since that first summer apart. And over the last two years I've started to realize__ that our relationship just isn't strong enough to bend without breaking." He tried to explain, all the while knowing that it wasn't making a difference as far as Peyton was concerned. "We've grown apart. Our lives are moving in two different directions." _

_"So then we'll figure something out. I can… maybe I can move back here for a while," Peyton suggested but it was met with a less than enthusiastic response.__ It also made her feel sick to her stomach. She listened to her voice speaking the words and wondered when she had just changed so drastically. __Peyton never believed she'd be the girl so desperate to hold onto a guy that she'd offer to uproot her whole life for him. _

_Yet there she stood. Doing just that. _

_"So then what? You're just gonna leave?" she asked quietly. _

_"Keith left me and my mom and my sister… in case you forgot," Lucas stated as frustration began to get the best of him. "Not that he wanted to or had any choice in the matter. Like your mom and Ellie," he reminded. "Before they moved to California, Brooke's parents left her all the time. Deb left Nathan constantly to go on her business trips. Haley's parents left to travel the country after she ended up with Nathan, even though she was __still in high school__ at the time," he continued, thinking of the lack of parental supervision when it came to Tree Hill teens. "Rachel's parents always left her alone. Even Nikki left Jenny for a little while." _

_Looking back, Lucas realized that b__esides himself and his friends at the Rivercourt, only __Bevin actually had parents that were around on a regular basis while growing up._

_"People do leave and sometimes its forever… but sometimes it's not," Lucas continued quietly. Guilt welled up inside of him because he realized that she wasn't ready for it to be over. He had been thinking about it for so long already that his mind was set. He knew it was the right thing to do. But for Peyton… it was coming out of left field and for that, he was sorry. "I still want to know you, Peyton. I still want to be a part of your life."_

_"Just not as my boyfriend," she finished for him. A voice no louder than a whisper as she spoke the words. _

_"It just doesn't feel right anymore," Lucas admitted regretfully. "I love you, Peyton but… I just can't do this. Not... not anymore." _

_She wondered what kind of response was appropriate in the kind of situation she found herself in. She wondered if she should just say okay because she knew that one of the worst things in the world was to chase after someone who didn't want you back. And she wondered if instead of accepting it, she should fight for him. Fight for what she knew in her heart was meant to be. _

_But looking at Lucas, she knew that he no longer believed they had anything worth fighting for. And that hurt more than Peyton could have ever imagined. _

From where she lay on her bed, in a room that she never quite felt comfortable in… Peyton stared at the sketch taped to the closet door. Beneath the black paint were words that had once been written by a brown haired girl. Someone that had been a best friend and a sister throughout ten years of trials and tribulations. And the words she wrote were names of boys. A division between mine and hers.

"_He's on the door Peyton. He's on the damn door, under me!" _

But Peyton hadn't respected those boundaries and in the process, she lost the brown haired girl.

The big joke was that she had thrown it all away for a shot with a boy. Lucas Scott. The one she was so certain was meant to be hers. Only Lucas hadn't felt the same way about her. Instead he had ended things and didn't look back no matter how many times Peyton _did_.

Though she supposed it was what she deserved. After all, she had broken Jake's heart in the worst possible way.

"_You said I love you… Lucas."_

Peyton couldn't even imagine that hurt she inflicted on him with those four simple words. If it had ever been Brooke's name Lucas uttered, it would have torn her heart apart. But Jake wasn't angry and if anything, that made Peyton feel guiltier. A part of her wanted him to yell, to punish her but that just wasn't his nature. Instead he had encouraged her to follow her heart even though she had just broken his.

So she walked away and took a chance at finding the love she was meant for. And she used some of the best examples she knew.

Growing up, Peyton had always believed that Larry and Anna Sawyer were in love. The sweet kind of love where they did little things for each other and never walked out the door without a kiss goodbye. She could see that kind of love in Nathan and Haley from the very beginning. Despite all the hurdles they had to jump in order to make it in the end.

Peyton thought that she and Lucas would have that kind but it was never quite the same.

Love was supposed to be happy. It wasn't supposed to cause pain and she supposed Lucas had been right… from the very beginning, their love had always come at the expense of someone else. But Peyton didn't know if that meant their love was selfish… or if _they_ were. She supposed maybe a little bit of both.

----------

After slamming the door behind him, Nathan realized that he couldn't really go anywhere. With his right leg still sore and wrapped, there was no way he'd be able to drive. Hobbling along down on the sand didn't seem like a brilliant idea either. So he made it down the front walk on crutches and just stared up at the star speckled sky.

More than a million bursts of light to cut through the darkness.

But Nathan would have never stopped to notice it before Haley. She was the one who wished on stars.

_Dancing where the stars go blue._

In college they rented an apartment that had a balcony facing a wide stretch of green grass. It was the tail end of a park and lined with trees. At night, when James was asleep or out with Lucas, they used to go out on the balcony and sit for hours. Haley put some music on the stereo and they'd talk about everything under the moon.

She even got him to dance with her a time or two. Her eyes would close and she'd rest her head against his chest. Then she'd tell him how the beat of his heart made her feel safe and how it lulled her to sleep at night. Sometimes she'd laugh afterwards and say that if any of their friends could hear the words from her mouth, they'd surely call her cheesy. But she also didn't care and neither did Nathan.

Now he could hardly remember the sound of her laugh. She rarely smiled and never at him though Nathan could hardly blame her. He knew that it wasn't her fault he was hurting.

Nathan never blamed her but as far as he could tell, the only reason that made even a modicum of sense had been the one Brooke gave him. He knew he could push Haley and she'd never falter. She would let his frustrations pile up on her shoulders and she would hold them because she loved him.

Nathan knew it was selfish and unfair to his wife. He just had no idea how to make the anger go away. The feeling of failure that coursed throughout his body while Dan's voice and words echoed in his head.

Years of declarations that he wasn't good enough. A life of never living up to the impossibly high expectations that had been set for him.

It didn't matter that Dan was locked away or that his opinion was no longer relevant. Because at night when he dreamed and heard the words in his mind's vision… he was right back in the same place he had been in before Haley. Standing in the driveway with a ball in his hand while desperately trying not to believe the berating tones his father spewed.

He may have been out of sight, but Dan Scott was never completely out of mind.


	11. Interrupted Answers

**A/N: **_Hello everyone! Um... I don't have much to say about the chapter, just thanks to everyone for reviewing the previous one. To the Naley fans out there who were a little saddened by the last chapter, don't worry... they'll work it out and as for Dan... well what's a Tree Hill fic without a little Dan drama. Hope you keep enjoying. Thanks again!_

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**Chapter 11 - Interrupted Answers**

"_I was just as scared as you were, Brooke," he said with honesty in his voice and uncertainty in his stance. "I made so many mistakes with you that I woke up every morning wondering if it would be the day you walked away from me." His eyes burnt with intensity, daring her to see the truth in their depths. "And I wouldn't have blamed you for it." _

_Shaking her head, Brooke felt a myriad of emotions swirl inside her. Hazel eyes focused on the closed drapes, hiding the outside world and everything that made sense. "Which is why we never belonged together," she finally said. "Between the two of us we had so many insecurities. Too many to have a relationship that could ever last." But she choked on the words because a small piece of __her __heart was begging him to come closer. To tell her that she was wrong about their love, even if nothing could change the mistakes he made now that he was with Peyton. _

_"It could have lasted if we had let it," Lucas corrected and took a step closer until his knees hit the side of her bed. It was the one thing separating them and he didn't dare walk around it because he could see Brooke needed the barrier. "But you could never completely trust me and I didn't give you enough reasons to think differently," he admitted__ with such remorse that Brooke had no choice but to believe him__ "But I swear, I never cheated on you. The kiss never meant anything to me because you were always the one in my heart.__"_

_"Except that doesn't really change anything now," Brooke quietly added. _

_"It could make you stop pushing me away," Lucas cried out, frustrated. _

_"Why?" she demanded. "What good would it do either of us? Why would you ever think that I'd put myself in a position to be hated by your girlfriend like…" she trailed off, realizing that finishing her statement would probably do more harm than good. _

_"Like Peyton did, right?" Lucas asked anyway._

_"We all made choices and now we all have to live with the consequences," Brooke stated, feigning nonchalance. "You don't get a do over two years later because you realize you feel a little bit guilty, Lucas. You don't get to ease your conscience by playing nice with me now." Anger and bitterness coated her words__. She only believed half of what she said and the rest was fueled by the hurt she'd been holding inside for so long. _

_Peyton had been her punching bag throughout the worst of it but for reasons unknown to Brooke, she never really lashed out at Lucas. Maybe because he hadn't technically done anything wrong, unlike the first time they dated. She knew he hadn't meant to hurt her and hadn't realized that always putting her second was doing just that. Hurting her. _

_"Like hell it's about guilt," he lashed back. _

_"I don't even see why we keep going around in circles. Nothing is going to change," Brooke said bitingly. _

_"_Everything_ has already changed," Lucas said in a soft voice. The anger he held seemed to fade away and for a moment, Brooke was left baffled by the sudden change. He looked broken and so utterly sad that it was almost impossible to understand the way he blew hot and cold. _

_"H-how?"_

"Do you ever wonder where we'd be if you hadn't joined the basketball team?" Haley asked as she and Lucas sat in his office, a sandwich in each of their hands. "I wouldn't have had to tutor Nathan to keep him away from you. We wouldn't have fallen in love, wouldn't have had James. Definitely no music tour and dare I say… no Chris Keller," she continued when Lucas didn't immediately say anything. "And you… you wouldn't have had Brooke stripping in the backseat of your car. Peyton probably would have stayed with Nathan, thus… no Bermuda triangle of love," Haley said with no small amount of amusement. "But where would we be?"

It seemed everyone was feeling nostalgic what with all the recent changes in their lives.

"You probably would have gone to Stanford like you always wanted," Lucas contributed after a thoughtful pause. "I would have gone to a state school like I did," he shrugged. "Not much of a change for me, I guess." Though he knew it was an understatement, plain and simple.

"Have you ever wondered whether or not you would've met Peyton or Brooke at some point in life? Even without basketball."

He wondered but didn't have much of an answer.

"Maybe," Lucas said, noncommittally. "I've been to both Los Angeles and New York since graduation. It's possible that I might have met one of them in some random instance," he shrugged, thinking about the book tour and coaching games that led him to both places. For a moment, he forgot that without the Ravens basketball team, he probably would have never talked to Whitey. Would have never been offered the coaching position in the first place. He also might not have even written the book in an alternate world.

"But you're assuming that Brooke and Peyton followed the same paths they followed this time around," Haley corrected. "Maybe without you in her life, Brooke continued being the party girl that got wasted every weekend and slept with random guys. Maybe she got pregnant. Maybe she moved to California at the end of junior year because there was no Lucas Scott to offer her a place to stay."

Haley seemed to really get into the idea and began throwing more possibilities at him.

"No thud magazine for Peyton so maybe she gave up on art completely. Plus without your encouragement, she might not have given Ellie a chance."

"You're asking questions that have no answers," Lucas said, decidedly uncomfortable with the direction their musings had taken. "Anything could have happened. Anything could _still_ happen," he stated but the narrowed eyed look his best friend gave him told Lucas that she wasn't quite ready to drop the subject yet.

"And would this anything could happen spiel have something to do with Brooke being back in town?"

"The million dollar question," Lucas muttered under his breath.

"And the answer is…."

"You know how I feel about her, Hales." But it wasn't much of an answer as far as his best friend was concerned. "If I could make things right with her, I would. You know that I would. But I honestly don't know if there's anything I could ever do or say that would make her trust me again. Not after how badly I screwed up things."

"Maybe if you came clean with her about what happened between you and Peyton," the sandy blonde suggested. "If she knew…"

Shaking his head, Lucas stated, "I can't. And gaining her trust because of it would be meaningless. It would just be circumstance,"

Sighing, Haley nodded once in understanding. "So then what are you gonna do?" she asked. "I mean… are you really going to let her leave town again, for who knows how long, without at least working something out?" Haley questioned while peering over at him with an expectant look adorning her features.

"_Tell me that was a goodbye kiss," she said with confusion swimming in twin pools of hazel. _

_ "I wanna be with you Brooke," he admitted. _

_ "What?" _

_"I'm sorry," Lucas said, knowing it was the worst possible time to spring it on her. But when faced with three months apart, he couldn't let Brooke leave without first telling her the truth. __ He had to take a chance and when the words were said, he could only hope that she felt the same way. __"I know we're friends. That's just how I feel."_

"Blurting out my feelings on her way out the door didn't really work all that well for me the first time," Lucas explained to Haley. "I think if I tried it again, I'd probably scare her away for good."

"Or it might bring her back forever," Haley gently countered.

"Not when she has no reason to believe that this time will be any different than the others," Lucas reminded. "Especially now that Peyton's back in town," he said but when Haley didn't seem the least bit surprised, he realized that she had either already seen the blonde or Brooke had mentioned it. "Did you know she came by my mom's house last night?"

"Yeah… I heard something about it," Haley acknowledged, considering whether or not it was her place to mention that Peyton had also stopped in to see Brooke. "I'm guessing that the two of you sat down together and talked or something," she added, knowing that despite the clean break they made, there would always be unresolved issues when it came to Lucas and the women he loved. Or at least until he put an end to it once and for all.

"She says she wants to be friends," he admitted, nodding his head.

"And?"

"And I basically told her that I couldn't be friends with someone I couldn't trust. Because honestly, Hales… I don't think I can ever look at her the same way again," Lucas concluded quietly. Their lunches had long since been forgotten as they talked, each focused more on their conversation at hand than the soggy cafeteria made sandwiches. "It's not even anger anymore it's… worse. At least to me."

"You mean the indifference," she guessed correctly. "They do say it's the real opposite of love."

"Hey coach… hey, Mrs. Scott."

"Marshall…"

"What are you doing here? Don't you have lunch this period?" Lucas asked as he consulted his watch, revealing twenty more minutes until the start of the next class.

"Me and some of the guys wanted to shoot around for a while. Is that cool?" the boy requested while glancing at Haley from the corner of his eye. He was the type that would pass off his curiosity as an interest towards an NBA player's wife. But Lucas could tell that the young athlete obviously had a crush on his best friend.

"Sure. Just make sure you close the equipment closet when you're done," Lucas permitted while Haley remained oblivious to the boy's attention.

"Thanks coach," Marshall said. "Bye Mrs. Scott."

"He's a nice boy," Haley said once she and Lucas were alone again.

Her best friend, however, barely stifled a laugh while Haley looked on, utterly baffled by his response.

----------

With Haley at school and a strong desire to avoid Peyton, a trip to visit Bevin and Skillz sounded like a good idea to Brooke. So with nothing more than her keys and purse in hand, she pulled open the hotel room door and found Peyton. Her hand was up, poised to knock. The short strands of hair were tucked neatly behind her ears and she looked pretty in a simple pair of jeans. Much like the Peyton of the past, a black t-shirt adorned her thin frame, bearing the name of some band Brooke had never heard of before. But she looked far from rested.

"Twice in twelve hours," Brooke said in greeting. She briefly considered the oddity of the visit. It was funny, she thought, but since returning to Tree Hill it seemed like her former friends were coming out of the wood work. "I guess there's no point in asking you to leave," she added and held the door open for the blonde's entry.

"Thanks," Peyton said quietly as she tucked her hands in her pockets and walked inside. Wasting no time, she began to speak before the door had even closed behind her. "Hey… I was thinking and um… okay I know that we didn't exactly leave things in a good place the last few times we talked."

"Understatement," Brooke cut in.

"We've fought," Peyton continued as though Brooke hadn't interrupted. "With words and fists. We've yelled and screamed and said a whole lot of nasty things to each other," she reminisced, though the memories weren't exactly pleasant ones. "So no one would blame either of us for never speaking again. But I think that the friendship we once had is still there. It might be cracked in a few places but I don't think it's broken and I want the chance to help mend it."

"And where was this strong desire four years ago when you were still with Lucas?" Brooke couldn't help but ask.

Truth be told, she was tired of rehashing the same old issues. Between Peyton and Lucas… Brooke had had her fill of angst. If it wasn't for Haley, Nathan and James… she was sure that she'd already be on a plane back to New York. "It was buried beneath insecurity," Peyton admitted and her honesty had Brooke listening even when she would have preferred not to. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't use to worry about you and Lucas deciding you still wanted to be together. Because I did… more than I can admit without embarrassing myself. And looking back on it all… Lucas was too big a part of our friendship in the end."

Brooke could agree, at least on her final statement. Their feelings for the older Scott brother dictated the friendship they did and didn't have. Which was a shame really because throughout all their drama with each other, at the time they each still remained close to the one boy who caused it. "I wish it was as simple as just going back to our friendship. Pretending that all the other stuff never existed," Brooke said remorsefully. "But you know as well as I do that there's no way to forget it."

"I'm not saying forget," Peyton shook her head. "I just want us to accept it and then move on."

Sighing, Brooke studied the blonde curiously. From the black leather jacket and jeans to stylish cut of her hair. But her green eyes were tired, revealing an obvious lack of sleep. She also looked so defeated with slumped shoulders and an uncertainty about her that had become the norm during the early days of their senior year.

"I have accepted it, Peyton. I just… I'm just over it," Brooke said candidly. "You, Lucas… the dreaded triangle from hell," she stated while something inside screamed that she was a liar. The part that knew without a doubt that she would never completely be over Lucas. Because a girl never forgot the first boy she loved. She always held a small piece of him in her heart because he was the one first showed her the amazing new emotion. "My life is already complicated enough as it is."

This time it was Peyton who sighed and refused to meet Brooke's eyes for several moments before saying, "Fine. I understand that and I'm not gonna plead for a friendship." But there was still sadness lingering on her face. "I wish things were different, Brooke. I really do. And I thought I'd try but if you aren't willing to, then… I won't waste any more of my time." It was said bitingly and for a moment Brooke was reminded of the days following her second breakup with Lucas. Back when Peyton decided their friendship wasn't worth more than her crush on their mutual love.

"Well then there isn't much more to say, is there?"

"Guess not," Peyton shook her head and walked out just as quickly as she'd walked in.

"_This_ is why I never come to Tree Hill," Brooke said to herself and leaned against the door tiredly.

----------

"_The truth is that I don't really like to think about college. Because that means high school is over. After graduation everyone will probably go play basketball or sing or start record labels and I'll have to start over. Alone. I'm sure I'll be fine. By like I said… I don't like to think about it."_

"Well the reviews are in and fashion week can officially go down in the books as a success," Solaris gushed happily. "Marie is still walking around like a total bitch though," she added and Brooke could imagine her friend rolling her eyes. "And you'll never guess the best part which I practically had to beg for the right to tell you."

"What?" Brooke asked quizzically as she walked through the door into Karen's café. It was already late in the day and all she wanted was a strong cup of coffee to keep her going after a long drive out to see Bevin. An old friend that provided a stress free afternoon of laughing and catching up. Something she'd yet to have since returning to Tree Hill.

"Advance notice," Solaris declared enthusiastically. "Golden Globes and People's Choice awards… all five women from Desperate Housewives. Plus Katherine Heigl and Sandra Oh from Grey's Anatomy," she revealed, causing Brooke to stop and gape with her mouth open.

"I love those shows," she said though she'd yet to catch up on all the current episodes.

"I know," Solaris stated. "Plus… get ready for it… Reese Witherspoon for the Oscars."

Eyes widening, Brooke couldn't help the rush of excitement she felt when she heard about all the stars that wanted her to dress them. "But that's not until at least February," she pointed out while thinking how ironic it was. Reese Witherspoon once played the character of a big fashion designer from a little town in the south. Now Brooke was living that same part.

"Well she's a shoe in for best actress… she probably wants everything set and perfect months in advance," Solaris guessed, decidedly unconcerned with the detail of time. "But you know this means you'll have to haul ass back to the city. In Style and Elle both want to interview you and Harper's Bazaar wants you to dress their model for the Christmas issue."

"Yeah…" Brooke trailed off as she realized her vacation had officially come to a close. The outside world beckoned and it wasn't known for its patience. "Have Marie take care of it and call me with the details later, okay? Please?" she requested, suddenly sorry that she'd stopped into a Sprint Store earlier that morning to get a replacement phone.

"No problem," Solaris said and left Brooke after a few more words.

"You just went from zero to eighty and back down in the span of a few seconds," Karen observed from behind the counter.

The younger brunette laughed and nodded in agreement. "I just got some really good news about the line but… it also means that I have to cut my trip short," she admitted, unable to explain how completely comfortable she felt sitting there with her ex-boyfriend's mother. Words just seemed to pour out from her mouth. Explaining how she was beginning to feel overwhelmed by how quickly everything was happening, despite the excitement of it all.

"So what _do_ you want, Brooke?"

Shrugging, she toyed with the little stirring straw sitting in a cup of cooling coffee. "Am I a total cliché? The girl who has everything she wants but nothing she needs."

"Well it's been my experience that money doesn't buy happiness," Karen replied quietly. Keith and Dan were proof of that. One with more money than he could count and no one who could stand being near him. Then the other with only enough to feel comfortable financially and a lot of love and laughter to get him through the days and nights. The same rang true between herself and Deb. Money didn't buy the blonde's happiness whereas Karen had the coveted emotion in spades. "I'm not wrong, am I? That _is_ what you feel you need, right?"

"Hey mom," Lucas greeted before Brooke could respond.

Neither woman had even heard the bell above the door ring when he walked through.

"Brooke…."

"I'm going to the back to get some more coffee filters," Karen declared and left the two alone to talk.

"We were just talking," she said, gesturing towards the back where his mother had disappeared to. "I'm leaving tomorrow so…" she trailed off, mentally reminding herself to check in with Haley before the night was over. Brooke was just happy that she had hardly unpacked since arriving earlier in the week.

"I thought you'd be here until Sunday," Lucas said while sitting down on the stool beside the brunette.

Straight from practice, he was dressed as Brooke had seen him the day before. Clad in a hooded sweatshirt, wind pants and well worn running shoes. "Unavoidable work stuff," she said by way of explanation. "And I know it's been forever since I talked to Haley and I know she always has you but… well just steer her in my direction every now and again if it seems like she needs a little girl talk. Okay?"

"Yeah… of course," he agreed easily but there was a look of distraction on his face. One that cleared as suddenly as it was noticed. "Have dinner with me tonight." Impulsive and almost a little bit desperate, Lucas couldn't stop playing Haley's earlier words in his head. _Was he really going to let her walk away again without working something out?_

The history between them was colorful… a little jaded in some places. A little brighter in others. And he missed her more than he had ever admitted out loud.

It wasn't overnight. It wasn't something he just woke up one morning and realized. Instead it was something that grew with time. A lingering feeling that became something more. Though when he was honest with himself, Lucas knew that he never completely got over Brooke Davis. Sure, he'd moved on and he had other relationships… other flings. But a part of him always held on to a small part of her. Until one day he could no longer deny that the feelings he'd once been able to express so openly were still at the forefront of his heart and mind.

But because of the mistakes he made, he was resigned to the fact that they could never be the couple they once were. Their chance had come and gone the truth was that despite his hesitance, he accepted it. But with Brooke back in Tree Hill, Lucas couldn't help but feel like it was destiny. Like it was meant to be. And he was taking a chance.

He was standing at the free throw line with his eyes closed and a ball in his hand.

"Please."

"Got em," Karen informed as she walked up to the pair with the filters in hand. "What?" she asked when they looked up at her. All the while she was completely unaware of what she had just interrupted.


	12. Still Horrifying

**A/N:** _First and foremost, thanks for all the great reviews. This chapter is basically just the first part and will be continued in the next chapter. Hope you enjoy and thanks again for your kind words. _

* * *

**Chapter 12 - Still Horrifying**

"I'm the stupidest person in the world," Brooke groaned into the phone as she rummaged through her suitcase for something to wear. "Seriously… a real special kind of stupid. There's no other way to explain why in the hell I agreed to go on a date with my ex boyfriend," she added, self deprecating. "Urg! What am I gonna wear?"

Laughing, Solaris couldn't keep the amusement out of her voice. "You definitely have to let me meet him someday," she said. "Lucas Scott must be something else if he got you to break your no dating streak of six hundred plus days." Words that only further incensed Brooke as she realized she was being irrational about the whole thing. It wasn't necessarily a date. It was just dinner, she told herself.

"I wasn't even going to say yes," she felt the need to inform. "But his mom walked up to us and she said something and then he said something. Next thing I know… he says he'll pick me up at eight." If asked, Brooke would plead temporary insanity. Because she had to believe she was at least a little bit crazy to agree to dinner with Lucas. One that would not include any buffers like his mom or sister. She was dreading it so much that Brooke was even tempted to call up Haley and beg her for a night with James. "This is gonna be a disaster, isn't it?" she asked her friend helplessly.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with the confident fashion designer I know and love?" Solaris questioned lightly.

Sighing, Brooke sat down on her clothes littered bed. "I guess it's just something about being back here. It brings out the worst in me,"

"Bullshit," Solaris declared, swearing uncharacteristically. "Don't even try to pretend I haven't caught you walking around the apartment with that ratty old sweatshirt," she reminded and Brooke couldn't help but cringe in remembrance. "There's a reason why you always put it on whenever you're stuck and searching for inspiration to finish a design."

"It's comfortable," she reasoned but the unladylike snort Solaris emitted was proof enough that her friend wasn't biting.

"You're still in love with him Brooke," she said quietly. "Whether you want to deny it to me or anyone else… at least admit it to yourself."

But she already had.

"Of course there are moments when I feel like I'm still in love with him," Brooke agreed in the same soft voice her friend used. "But he tore my heart into pieces twice. Then when I managed to pick them up long enough to find another great guy… I realized how truly twisted I was. Because I figured out that all the things I loved about Chase were the parts of him that reminded me of Lucas." It had taken almost two years and by then there was no chance of either getting out without a little heartbreak. It was what she felt most guilty about because Chase had never deserved to be hurt that way. "But he was the first the boy that ever mattered. And yeah… I'm still a little bit in love with Lucas."

"Okay," Solaris replied slowly. "So what are you gonna do about it?" she asked.

"Nothing." It was said without hesitation. A definitive answer that Brooke wasn't willing to negotiate on.

"Then stop holding on to him."

_Easier said than done_, her mind screamed. "Trust me, I'm working on it," Brooke replied and glanced down at her watch. "Thanks for the pep talk, coach but I have to get going. Lucas will be here soon and I still haven't changed my clothes yet," she explained, surveying the disaster that was her hotel room. "But I'll talk to you later, okay. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye."

Snapping the phone shut, there was nothing else to do but stand up and find something suitable to wear. Casual, he said but gave no specific details about where they were going. So Brooke decided to play it safe. She certainly didn't want to give him the impression that she rooted through her clothes trying to find an outfit.

Grabbing a pair of low rise jeans and a soft white oversized cowl neck sweater, she began to strip. Twenty minutes felt like hardly enough time until she reminded herself that it was just dinner with Lucas and not a power lunch in New York. So she kept her makeup minimal and swept her hair up into a messy twist before pulling on a pair of high heeled boots. All the while she considered interrupting the dinner half way through with the suggestion of going to see Haley. Mostly because Brooke wasn't sure if she'd get the chance before her flight but partly in case things began to feel awkward.

"What the hell am I doing?" she muttered to herself but there was no time to talk herself out of it before she heard a knock at the door.

Sweaty palms were wiped on the legs of her jeans. Brooke's eyes closed as she took a deep breath, wondering if she was about to make a huge mistake.

----------

"I can't even remember the last time I ate here," Brooke said as a waiter handed them their menus. Seated out on the boardwalk with the river as a backdrop and twinkle lights strung up above them, it was only too easy to get lost in the romance of the little outdoor café. "You know Haley and Nathan ended their first date here," she added, remembering the little scavenger hunt she set up to make amends for the trouble she caused during a drunken rant.

"I remember something about that," Lucas answered, thinking of the engagement party thrown in Nathan and Haley's honor. Specifically the array of skits depicting various points in their relationship. The most memorable for him being one he acted out with the generous brunette he sat across from. "Do you remember the sleepover scene we acted out for them?" he asked, grinning when Brooke rolled her eyes at him pointedly. "What?"

"Figures you'd bring up the one scene involving lacy black lingerie," Brooke laughed.

"You know, I think that was some of my best work," he joked while Brooke kinked her eyebrow in response.

"Personally I enjoyed hearing you admit to being a porn freak," she retorted, bringing up the second scene they were in together.

"Or you admitting that you "Haley" yourself from time to time," Lucas couldn't help adding while his words sparked another round of laughter. "You know they watch the tape of that night every year on their anniversary?" he admitted, wondering if Brooke knew how much all her hard work had meant to them. How much it _still_ meant to them.

"No," she shook her head. "I had no idea."

The easy going camaraderie slowly began to fade away once the waiter came by the table to take their orders.

"So how's your mini-me doing?" Brooke queried once they were alone again. Each with a glass of sweet tea and not much else between them. "Were you able to explain to him how much the Ravens have to offer?" she asked, remembering the boy Lucas spoke of that night at the Rivercourt.

"Not quite," Lucas admitted. "And his name is Travis," he added dryly.

"Like the music you like so much," Brooke stated.

"Not so much anymore… believe it or not," Lucas said, leaving out that there were a lot o things he'd given up after his breakup with Peyton. Between them they had plenty of shared interests and the bands they once listened to together became music that he no longer cared to listen to. They became bad memories instead of nostalgic ones that he could look back on with fondness. "Some of the guys I used to coach got me into bands like Linkin Park and Saliva. Thankfully I was able to avoid Nathan's taste in music though," he joked, certain that since her arrival Brooke had probably been subjected to Nathan's loud stereo antics.

"No small favor, I'm sure," she smiled softly.

"So tell me more about your line and why you were so excited about it this afternoon," Lucas suggested.

Sighing, Brooke thought of all the work that waited for her back in New York. "I had just gotten through Fashion Week right before I came back here. After a few interviews I left without even really waiting to see what the press thought about the line," she explained, wondering and not for the first time, when it began to feel so monotonous. "But then Solaris called today and told me that the reviews were in… I was officially a hit." She smiled but the lingering excitement he had seen earlier that day was now noticeably absent.

"So why don't you seem happier?" he couldn't help asking.

"Because as rewarding as it feels sometimes… on most days it's more of a chore," Brooke found herself admitting. "Now I have this whole business to consider every time I think about trying something a little daring with my designs. I have to worry about whether or not the investors and the board will approve before I'm even allowed to take a few days off. It' just…"

"Not what you hoped it would be?" he asked gently.

"Not really, no."

"But it's your label on the product," Lucas said. "Clothes Over Bro's would be nothing without Brooke Davis."

"And it would also be nothing without all the money they feed into label every year," Brooke explained, considering Marie's earlier words about hundreds of girls out there waiting for the opportunity Brooke had. "So for now, at least… I'm kind of at their mercy which makes everything so much more stressful." Her candid words were a surprise to Lucas who had never gotten an inkling that she was dissatisfied in any of the interviews he read. But looking back on his past with her, Brooke was never really the kind of girl that shoved her problems in your face if she could handle them herself.

_Brooke Davis… brilliant and beautiful and brave. In two years she'd grown more than anyone I have ever known._

"It doesn't matter," she waved it away a moment later. "I have a great home, a great job… a great roommate. There are worse tragedies than long hours."

Lucas opened his mouth to ask why she did that. Why she took it back any time she admitted that something was wrong in her world. But he didn't ask because the answer came to him as quickly as the question did. "No bigger tragedy than unhappiness," he murmured quietly.

_I just really needed my boyfriend. _

Brooke Davis was independent but not because she wanted to be, but because she _had_ to be. Too many times she gave her everything to the people she cared most about. And too many times those same people had nothing to give back to her. Lucas could admit that he was one of the guiltiest when it came to that particular sin. He left her at the worst times because it always felt like she was the one who needed him less. It wasn't until it was too late to change things that he realized she was actually the one who needed him the most.

_I am not pushing you away Lucas. I am holding on for dear life, but I need you to need back. Okay, why wouldn't you tell me about the kiss and why didn't you call me when you were away? And why won't you ever __just__ let me __**all the way in**_

"I never said I was unhappy?" she asked, brow quirked inquiringly.

"You haven't said you're not," Lucas replied simply.

"Thank you," Brooke said with a small smile as the waiter set her plate down. In keeping with the casual theme of the evening, she chose the grilled chicken while Lucas decided on a plate of spaghetti. "This smells incredible," she said in an effort to change the subject. Talking about fashion was all well and good but Brooke certainly didn't want to discuss the status of her happiness.

"Please don't tell me that's who I think it is," Lucas cringed and closed his eyes while Brooke laughed.

"The one and only," she confirmed as a voice and lyrics drifted to her ears. "I actually saw him about a year ago," she added, then quickly corrected herself when she realized how it sounded. "At a benefit, I mean. He was in New York for a couple shows and ended up there with one of my models," Brooke explained, leaving out the fact that the model had been her roommate. Or how Chris Keller made a joke the next morning about sleeping with every girl in the room. "I still can't believe that out of all the buses that could have passed us… the one that stopped was his."

"He had guts, I'll give him that," Lucas replied considering that two out of the three males on board had once hated him.

"He isn't actually that bad," Brooke shrugged, thinking about the night she spent with him in Honey Grove.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I mean… I know he's pretty cocky and definitely says the wrong things at the wrong times but… he's that person for a reason." Just like she had once been. It was a mask they both wore because for whatever reasons, they were scared to show the person beneath it all. "I think Haley saw it too. That's why they were actually able to become friends on the tour. And why they worked so well together while she was recording Halo." Brooke even suspected that Nathan had also glimpsed the true Chris. It was one of the reasons why he stopped being so afraid that Haley would pick the musician instead.

"Anything's possible, I guess." But talk of Chris Keller made Lucas remember the night he walked in on him and Brooke.

The smug smile the other boy wore.

"Yeah," Brooke quietly agreed. And immediately following came more silence. An uncomfortable feeling that accompanied the desire to not say the wrong thing. Suddenly she couldn't sit there monitoring her words. "Okay, look… I'm leaving tomorrow. I have no idea when I'll be back," she stated bluntly because she began to realize just how ridiculous the tension was. "And I know that basically everything in our past is a land mine but so what? We're adults now. We should just… talk. Without worrying about offending the other person or hurting anyone's feelings. Right?"

"_I am who I am… no excuses," _she once said.Blunt and strong. There was the girl he knew and fell in love with.

"Right," Lucas agreed and grinned to show her he meant it.

"Good… then we might as well get rid of the elephant at the table," Brooke stated but the confused expression that took over Lucas' features told her that he had no idea what she meant. "Peyton," she clarified, unapologetic. "When we first went to lunch, you said that you wished we could still be friends. And truthfully… I don't know if we'll ever get to that point but I'm tired of avoiding you." Tired of holding on to heartache, she silently added. "So let's talk about it."

"Which part?" Lucas asked once he got his wits back from the surprise of her statement.

"The breakup," she stated plainly. "What happened between the two of you anyway? What's with all the taboo around this elusive split that even Haley won't bring it up?" Brooke asked, wondering why her friend was willing to talk about all things Lucas except for his split with Peyton. Why it seemed to be a subject no one would touch even after all the time that had passed. "Luke?" And for a moment, she swore he wasn't going to answer. He was quiet with an uncertain expression on his face. But then he surprised her.

"Do you honestly want to know?"

"It's been four years since we were together," Brooke shrugged. "We're past the point of it being horrifying and now it's just distinctly awkward. I can do awkward."

But even as Lucas prepared to answer, he knew that he couldn't give her all the details.

It wasn't that he had anything to hide but he was serious when told Haley that he didn't want to use the breakup to gain Brooke's trust. It would have to be something she decided on without being knocked into it by sympathy or any other emotion the story might make her feel. So he opened his mouth to speak but Brooke beat him to the punch.

"I mean… I know that you were a little confused and angry on the night you came to see me but… I don't know. I guess in the back of mind I always figured you'd work it out," she admitted while wondering if it was still a possibility. After all, Peyton was back in town and she figured it wouldn't be long before Lucas was standing on her doorstep again. "Weren't you supposed to be perfect for each other or something," Brooke asked but it wasn't meant as a dig and she hoped he didn't take it that way.

"Perfection is overrated, Brooke," he replied quietly, momentarily forgetting about the dinner they had just been served. "I mean, yeah… we had a lot of things in common and I really cared for her but we had this quiet love. Kind of how I feel for Haley except I was actually attracted to Peyton," Lucas said and realized that he was fumbling with words he wanted and didn't want to say.

"I'm sure Nathan will appreciate that you aren't attracted to Haley," Brooke teased, breaking up the seriousness of the moment for just a few seconds.

"Right," Lucas smiled back.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. Keep going."

Nodding, he considered what he was trying to say before finally settling on a strong dose of the truth. "Like I said, it was quiet. And it just seemed like two weeks into our relationship and we were already like some old married couple," he admitted and the way he said it left no question that it wasn't necessarily a good thing. "There was no passion, no fire… no spark. I tried to convince myself that I didn't need it and that love alone was enough but it wasn't," he shook his head. "In the end she wasn't enough and neither was I. I couldn't save her anymore," Lucas declared quietly. "She had to save herself."

They had both risked their relationships with Brooke for the chance to see where love would take them. The fact that they weren't meant to be hurt more than if they had stayed together.

"The thing I said about it being awkward… I've changed my mind. It's still horrifying," Brooke softly admitted.


	13. Deja Vu

**A/N:**_ Okay, here is the second part of the date and a little bit of what comes after. I'm a little nervous about it and I really hope it isn't a disappointment. Thanks for all the reviews and to those reading my other fic, I'm working on an update for it now. Hopefully it'll be out by tomorrow, Sunday at the latest. _

_Again... thanks everyone!!!!_

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**Chapter 13 - Deja Vu**

After leaving the café, Lucas continued the date across the river where the street lamps were lit and the air was cool. "What are we doing out here, Luke?" Brooke asked and looked around the empty space. A court where they had spent countless hours together. Whether it was watching him play a game with old friends or shooting the ball by himself to perfect a certain shot. Sitting on the old picnic table, she became a part of his memories. Learned his stories.

_"I just never told you what this place is to me. It'__s not just a court," but that wasn't where his eyes were. __Not on the game in play or the slab of concrete with two posts and metal baskets attached. Instead his blue eyes looked __down at the beautiful brunette who smiled up at him.__"__It's where I come from, it's where I __belong." Plain and simple.__"__It's__ my world."_

_"So do I get to be a part of this world?"_

_"__This biggest part,__"__ he promised. _

"Do you remember the night we stayed up together after that guy drugged Peyton's drink?" Lucas asked suddenly. It was junior year, just after the start of the season and another one of those moments that changed everything.

"Kind of hard to forget," Brooke replied, not missing a beat. But she still looked at him with uncertainty, wondering where he was going with it all.

"After that night you came here to watch me play," he continued with his eyes focused on the river. The lights and moon reflected on the water, bouncing the bright beams up towards the river's edge. "It wasn't about flirting or making an impression. You just stopped by and sat down with Mouth while me and the guys played," Lucas reminded though he didn't need to. Brooke remembered it all as clearly as he said the words. "Even then you somehow realized what this place meant to me."

_Basketball has always been__a huge part of who I am. And I've been thinking a lot about it but unless someone can tell me why this game matters right now… I don't think I can play._

"I tried giving it up a few times," Lucas admitted, looking back on all the almost life changing moments. "The game, I mean. After Keith died and I couldn't step back on the court without seeing his ghost in the stands. After I realized that I was risking my life trying to play with HCM." Brooke remembered both those instances. "But something just kept drawing me back to it. Even when there were plenty of reasons to stay away."

"For love of the game, right?" she asked. "I mean I know that's a baseball movie and all but it's true, isn't it? When you love something the way you loved the game… reasons don't really matter much in the end."

_People who are meant to be together always find their way in the end._

The truth was that he couldn't have possibly said it better than she did just then. "Right," Lucas agreed and looked down at the grass growing beneath them. "The greatest things we're given are rarely rational. That's why reason doesn't stand a chance against them," he said, no longer just talking about the game. "Over the years I've thought about it a lot. Even more now since you've been back," he admitted. With downcast eyes, he missed the confusion his words sparked in her gaze. "Because I tried giving it up a few times," Lucas admitted once more. "After Chris Keller. After that party at Rachel's… the banquet we went to together. But something just kept drawing me back, even when there were plenty of reasons to stay away."

"Luke…" she said, uncertainly.

"I tried giving it up… the memories, the feelings… you." He finally met her eyes just as hers closed and the first tear fell.

"Please don't," Brooke began. An attempted to protest but no other words would follow no matter how hard she tried to get them out.

But he wouldn't let her look away when she tried to avert her gaze and instead gently cupped her face between his palms. "Two years ago I said I still loved you. And I know you thought it was a combination of anger and half a bottle of Vodka, but I promise you it wasn't. Because two years later… I still feel the same way." Her tears continued to fall in a steady stream. She desperately needed to look away but his blue gaze held hers, making it impossible to see anything else.

"No," Brooke said, her voice no louder than a whisper. "You can't do this to me, Lucas. Not again. Not when I'm hours away from leaving," she declared but there was no strength in her words. "It's not fair," she quietly cried. "I told you then… I-I told you."

_"We're just going in circles, Luke. Nothing's ever gonna get solved," Brooke said tiredly as the sun began to rise above the buildings. Its soft rays streamed in through the glass windows, casting a light around the dimly lit room. "There shouldn't be anything _left_ to solve. You're with Peyton. End of story." _

_But after everything they had been through that night, Lucas couldn't honestly say that anything was that cut and dried. "If it was so simple, I wouldn't still have feelings for you," he said, daring her to deny that she felt something similar. "I wouldn't be here now. None of last night's revelations would mean anything… but I am here. And they _do_ mean something." _

_"Maybe… but it doesn't change anything," Brooke declared. "__W__h__ether__ you break up tomorrow or live together for the next fifty years. It has nothing to do with me and what you__'re__ feel__ing now__ is just __remnants of __a beautiful history. They're memories and what ifs. But you can't build a life on what ifs, Lucas. You can't build them on uncertainty and insecurity."_

_"Some might say that the only reason Peyton and I ever got together in the first place was because of too many what ifs," Lucas quietly murmured._

"That day I left for California, you told me that you kept Peyton's box because it reminded you of what had happened," Brooke said as she wiggled out of his grasp and put some much needed distance between them. "You said you swore to yourself that if you got a second chance, you'd never let me go… but you _did_ let me go. Even before we had broken up, you let me go every time you left to be with Peyton. And that night when I came to you… you couldn't think up a single thing to say that might stop me." It was one in a series of heartbreaks. "Words are your life, Lucas but you had none for me. You let go. Again."

"I was scared," he admitted with no hesitation. "I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. All I knew was that I was losing you and I could feel my heart breaking and I had absolutely no idea how to make it stop," Lucas told but when she shook her head he knew it wasn't enough.

"Why now, Lucas?" Brooke whispered in a voice that had grown raspy with her tears. "Why should any of this even matter when you only do it on my way out town?"

"I didn't mean to," he said honestly. "I wanted to take you to dinner. I wanted to talk and maybe try to get back some semblance of a friendship with you," Lucas explained. His hands found their way back to his pockets again as he stood, silently imploring her to believe him. "But when we came out here I started to think about the night you brought me those beautiful letters and the night after we finally got back together."

"You mean the day you left my bed to go be with Peyton," Brooke corrected and because she was right, Lucas didn't try to contradict her. Or to explain his reasons.

"I won't ever tell you that she didn't matter to me, because she did," he continued while the light reflected the tears drying against her skin. He could see her sadness slowly get replaced by indifference. "She was there. I never had to wonder if she'd walk away from me because I knew she wouldn't. And it was a comfort. It made it easy to depend on her."

"What went on between you and Peyton has absolutely nothing to do with me," Brooke intervened tonelessly.

"But it was never about trust, Brooke," he added as though she hadn't spoken. "I've always known you were someone I could trust. I don't know how I would have gotten through Keith's death if it wasn't for you and your strength. You always let me lean on you. Always held me up. But in spite of everything, the plain truth is that I was scared because I knew you were too," Lucas continued, searching to put words to the feelings he felt inside. "And everything with Peyton just seemed so much easier. We had all the same tastes in music and art and books. I could sit there with her and not talk for hours."

"Look, I really don't…"

"But it's not what I wanted," he interrupted quickly. "I wanted the girl whose voice I could listen to for hours at a time. I wanted the back and forth banter and the questions about all the little things I enjoyed. I wanted new tastes and new interests… I wanted difficult. Because nothing in this world that is worth fighting for is ever easy."

"Only you didn't want it enough when you had it," Brooke concluded quietly.

"I've always wanted it, Brooke. I just taught myself to live without it," Lucas gently corrected.

"Then you'll be fine when I fly out tomorrow," she declared while silently holding on by a thread. Praying for a reprieve of any kind, her eyes scanned the court and once again landed on the faded names painted onto the court. She wondered once more if everyone else had made it and realized she should have asked Haley. Now it was too late. There was no way she could see her friend without the other woman knowing she spent the latter half of her evening crying.

"I know you have no reason to put your faith in me again. I know that I hurt you and that I broke your heart that day at Nathan and Haley's wedding," Lucas said but Brooke didn't hear the rest of his apology. Her mind was stuck on the words about a broken heart and how he had caused it. Because for the first time, she realized that Lucas finally understood what she felt at the reception. Standing in front of him with tears in her eyes and questions on her lips. It wasn't anger. It never had been. She wasn't mad. It was sadness and a little bit of devastation.

She was crushed as she abruptly realized that the boy she loved with her whole heart just didn't know her back.

"Lucas, it's not that you don't matter to me, because you do. You always have," she began gently. Suddenly she had no anger or indifference left. Just the a weary feeling that made her want to close her eyes and fall asleep until everything had worked itself out. "But even if we could forget our crazy history, our lives are in two different places. I'm New York and you're Tree Hill. No negotiations."

"I just want a chance."

"You had one. In fact, you had two."

"I'm sorry," he said but he wasn't sure what he was apologizing for. Breaking her heart twice. Springing these new revelations on her hours before she was set to leave. Making her feel confused again. Maybe a little of all three reasons. Or maybe for those three reason and everything else.

"I'm sorry too," she murmured. "I know I wasn't perfect and that I made my share of mistakes. Which, in the end, is only another reason why we wouldn't work out. Neither of us knows how to be together without hurting the other in the process."

But he'd be lying if he said he didn't want the opportunity to try.

"I'm always going to love you. You know that, right?"

"I do… but I wish I didn't."

----------

While Brooke regretted that she'd been unable to find her friends a nanny, Haley was disappointed to learn that Brooke was leaving a few days early. For the short time she was there, the two former roommates had become close again. Their late night conversations over ice cream were reminiscent of the days they spent living together in the old apartment.

Though they had started off as casual friends, by the time Brooke moved out, she felt as close to Haley as she did to Peyton.

The tutor girl who had once believed Brooke was nothing more than cheer slut was suddenly like a best friend. She was someone to confide in. Someone to trust. And it was almost strange that Peyton had once been the girl Haley preferred but after giving birth to her son, Brooke was the one she asked to be a god-mother. The one asked to be maid of honor at her wedding to Nathan.

"I'm really going to miss you, Tigger," Haley said as she hugged Brooke goodbye.

"I'll be back," the brunette assured as she held on just as tightly.

"Promise?"

Peering over Haley's shoulder at Nathan and the little boy that sat beside him on the couch, Brooke felt another wave of sadness. "I promise," she said and plastered a smile on her face as she dropped her arms. "And one of these days you should come to New York. I'll give you the grand tour and everything," she offered, winking conspiratorially. "Which really means I'll take you to all the best stores," Brooke mock whispered and grinned at Nathan when he rolled his eyes.

"Deal," Haley agreed and crossed her arms over her chest while Brooke walked over to the two males.

"Bye Brooke," James said and stood to give her a small hug. She leaned down, wrapping her arms around him as best as she could. Tears that threatened to spill were held back and replaced by a half smile.

"Next time I visit I'll tell you some new stories," she promised, remembering his declaration two nights before. Though she'd have to come up with a few kid friendly ones because she doubted Haley and Nathan wanted her corrupting their son with tales of weekend parties and all too revealing games of, "I Never."

"Cool," he replied happily and ran out of the room while calling out that he needed to use the bathroom.

"What kind of stories?" Nathan questioned suspiciously as he pulled himself up into an unsteady standing position.

"Oh, I don't know… maybe about how much his daddy likes video cameras," Brooke teased and Nathan narrowed his eyes sternly. "Sorry, Hales," she quickly added to the other woman. Thankfully four plus years had dulled her friend's ire over the whole situation. After all... Haley and Nathan weren't dating at the time. They didn't even know each other back then.

"Way to kill a sentimental moment, Brooke," the long haired friend declared dryly.

The brunette grinned and wrapped her arms around Nathan in a friendly hug. One that could almost be called sisterly. "Be good to each other," she whispered in his ear. "I love you. Both of you," she added to Haley and took a step back. "And I know that you talk more to machine than you do to me but I always listen to the messages and I'll try harder to stay in touch. As long you guys don't give up on me."

"Promise," Haley said and pulled Brooke into one more hug before joining her husband's side. Brooke noticed but didn't call attention to the way Haley slipped her hand in Nathan's.

However small the gesture was, it was at least a start.

----------

From the moment Brooke got back to New York, she sunk back into her work as though she had never been gone. To start, she was shuttled to the fashion house for a scheduled interview with someone from Elle Magazine. Then it was straight to the drawing board to begin designing the wardrobe for an upcoming cover shoot.

In between fabric samples and discarded ideas, she stopped long enough to attend a small staff party. A celebration of sorts for the rave reviews they received after fashion week.

The party was also the first time Brooke had seen Solaris since flying back into town.

"If I wasn't so busy myself, I'd be a little offended," her friend teased while they stood together sipping glasses of champagne. "Although I'm probably not the only one," Solaris added, relaying about a half dozen messages sitting on their machine at home. "I guess you made quite an impression on your friends back in Tree Hill," she surmised.

"I promised I'd be better with the whole keeping in touch thing," Brooke explained. "It's just been so crazy around here."

But she supposed it wasn't a good enough excuse. When you cared about someone, you made the effort regardless of how busy you were. "I'm sure they understand," Solaris replied sympathetically. "They know you're in the big leagues here. But this isn't about the phone messages. You got some package in the mail today," she informed. "I would have opened it but then Mrs. Crawford came pounding on the door because she said my music was too loud. Then before I knew it, we'd been fighting for ten minutes and I was late to work so…"

"Maybe it's that new bolt of material I ordered," Brooke guessed, thinking about the sketches she had tucked away in her desk at the apartment. "Christmas is coming up in a couple months and I have some new ideas for James," she explained, all the while wondering if she should design a dress for Lily.

"Hmmm…. Maybe," Solaris said noncommittally. "I see something I like," she added, eyeing Brooke's chief accountant.

"Then by all means… go play," she shooed while rolling her eyes.

Thankfully Marie kept her distance and everyone else seemed to forget Brooke was there as they mingled and drank. It gave her the perfect opportunity to slip out unnoticed for some much needed rest.

Forgoing the town car that usually drove her home, Brooke hailed a cab and leaned back against the old battered seats. She couldn't help remembering her first attempt at Rogue Vogue and the cab driver that sat giving her advice. Back then she had been so uncertain. So afraid to make the wrong choice because it either meant the end of childhood or the end of a career that had just barely gotten started.

Yet Brooke wouldn't take her decision back if she had it to do again.

Her squad might not have won the classic but they had fun trying. And it was a good memory to hold onto whenever she missed her friends.

"Keep the change," she said to the driver as he pulled up to her building and accepted the twenty she handed him.

Grasping her portfolio in one hand and her purse in the other, she made her way inside and away from the rapidly dropping temperature. As always, the doorman tipped his hat as he held open the door. "Evening Miss Davis," he greeted with a smile. Old and probably a little senile, he still seemed to remember each of the building's occupants by name and apartment number.

"Hi, Max," she smiled back. "Hello Mrs. Crawford," Brooke added to the older lady who glared on her way to the elevators. "Old bat," she muttered under her breath.

Upstairs she found the box Solaris had signed for but it was obviously too small to contain a bolt of material. And though there was no return address, the post mark was from Tree Hill. Something her roommate had to have noticed. But instead of opening it, Brooke walked over to the machine and hit play, guessing that if it was Haley, there'd be a message to accompany the mail.

Listening, she began to pull at the tape holding two sides closed. "Hey, Brooke… it's Hales. Just wanted to let you know that Nathan went to his first physical therapy session today. So far so good, I guess. Call me when you get the chance and I'll tell you more about it. Bye."

But even before the next message began, Brooke knew that the package hadn't been sent by her former roommate.

A folded sheet of paper sat on top of at least a hundred different envelopes. On the outside were the words… _I'm not giving up._ The scrawled handwriting was all too familiar. But even knowing who wrote it, Brooke still wasn't prepared for the rest of the words that had been written on the inside of the page.

_Brooke,_

_There are 232 letters in here and they're all addressed to you. I've been writing them since we broke up. One a week but I never sent them because things were already so complicated between us. Then I started dating Peyton and you moved on with Chase… so I just kept writing them and putting them away in a box I kept in my closet. For so long I've been afraid to say any of these things out loud. Afraid of the way you make me feel because nothing else in my life has ever felt the same as the love I have in my heart__ for you. And I know it might not__ matter now after how much I hurt you but I just thought you should know. This is how I spent my last four years… wanting you. I wa__s just too scared to admit it._

_-Luke-_


	14. The Same Mistakes

**A/N: **_ Hi everyone, I want to say thank you all for your reviews. I have to warn you that this chapter is a little on the depressing side but hopefully the next one will seem a little lighter. I'm not sure what else to say but as always, thanks for your amazing words. It makes it less nerve wracking every time I post a new chapter. ;)  
_

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**Chapter 14 - The Same Mistakes **_  
_

_"__Brooke, I love those letters. The girl in them is so open and honest.__"_

When Solaris came home later that night, she found Brooke sitting on the couch in the dark. A box rested by her side, open but untouched. A few tissues littered the coffee table beside a half filled goblet of red wine and a stack of old mail. "After junior year, right before I was supposed to leave for a summer in California, Lucas admitted to having feelings for me," she said quietly and realizing that her friend needed to get it out, Solaris didn't mention that she already knew as much. "I was scared to admit I felt the same way because he really hurt me before with Peyton. Only I couldn't tell him that, so instead I wrote him a letter. One a day for every day that summer."

The raspy tone in her voice was magnified as she attempted to hold back a fresh batch of tears. And when she moved to swipe at her eyes, Solaris noticed the sweatshirt her roommate wore. The same gray hoodie that would have read 'Keith Scott Body Shop' in faded blue paint if Brooke had turned around.

"You remember when I told you I slept with Chris Keller?" she asked but didn't wait for a response. "The night it happened, Luke walked in afterwards and saw us together," Brooke explained. "He and I weren't exclusive and technically I hadn't done anything wrong but he was hurt. Justifiably hurt. I thought I had lost him forever because of my fear and insecurity."

"_I don't know why I did it, okay. I um…I mean yeah, I was drinking and yeah I was jealous that you were with Rachel but I think… it was really just because I __was __really afraid to get close to you again."_

"So one night I realized that if it was going to be over… then he should at least know everything," Brooke continued softly. Silent tears had begun to fall again, absorbed by the soft gray material they landed on. "I showed up on his doorstep with the box of letters and an explanation." _There are 82 letters in here… and they're all addressed to you._ "He forgave me that night and said he loved me."

"So what's in _this _box?" Solaris asked gently as she glanced at the one sitting beside her friend.

"Letters," she said simply. "One a week since we broke up four years ago."

Shocked by the revelation, Solaris had no idea what to say that would stop the water flow of tears Brooke had begun to shed. She didn't know Lucas well enough and guessed that even if she did, there wasn't much anyone could say that would make things any easier for Brooke. So she did the only thing she could. The one thing a friend could always do.

"Come here," Solaris gently coaxed. Enveloping her friend in a comforting hug, she let Brooke cry in her arms.

----------

"What's wrong with you?" Karen Roe questioned as her son sat at the café's counter, toying with a French fry on his plate. "And didn't I teach you to stop playing with your food when you were five? Or should I get Lily to give you a lesson in dining etiquette?" she asked, amusedly smiling when Lucas looked up and promptly rolled his eyes.

"Sorry," he apologized none the less.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Well… are you going to tell me what has you so distracted?" Karen persisted while filling up a cup of coffee for herself. The mid-day lunch rush had finally cleared out, allowing her a few peaceful moments to stand and talk to her son. "And don't tell me it's nothing. You'd only be insulting my intelligence," she quickly added when Lucas opened his mouth to respond. "It's obviously something."

Seeing no way out, Lucas sighed and admitted, "I have the worst timing in the world."

"Uh oh," Karen muttered and leaned against the counter. "Care to elaborate?"

"Well…" he hedged with apparent reluctance. "The night Brooke and I went to dinner, I sort of admitted that I still had feelings for her," Lucas confessed while his mother winced and shook her head. "I know… I know. It was the worst time to say it but I just… I don't know. I couldn't help it. I wanted her to know." _Look, I know it wasn't fair how I told you I wanted to be with you when you're __cab's__ parked just outside. I just saw you slipping away and I guess I panicked._

Nodding, Karen asked, "Well, how did she take it?"

Lucas could only guess. "I think that a part of her didn't believe me. And the rest of her did but was too scared to admit it," he surmised. "Not that I blame her considering I just blurted it out less than twelve hours before she left town." And not for the first time, he silently added. "For some unexplainable reason I keep making the same mistakes with her. I know I shouldn't have said it the way I did, but it _was_ the truth. It's how I still feel," Lucas said, silently imploring his mother to believe his words.

"I know it is," the older brunette assured. "But you _did_ date Peyton for two years. So it can't necessarily be easy for Brooke to accept that there aren't still any lingering feelings towards her," Karen reasoned with the gentleness of a concerned mother rather than the indignation of a woman. "Because as far as she's seen… things between you and Peyton never really end."

"But we've been apart for as long as we were together. Longer even," Lucas protested quietly. "If there was ever a time or a chance for me and Peyton to get back together, it would have happened two years ago. But that wasn't what I wanted. It still isn't," he admitted, thinking of the blonde haired girl that had stopped by his coaching office earlier that morning. An invitation accompanied her, asking him to have lunch so they could talk and catch up. But Lucas had turned her down again and though he felt remorse for the hurt he knew she felt… he couldn't bring himself to say yes.

The part of himself that once trusted her, no longer existed. She told too many tales, held back too many truths.

Lucas no longer knew who she was and the selfish part of his brain wanted it to stay that way.

"Then the best advice I can give you is to just wait," Karen said, smiling sympathetically at her son. "Give Brooke a chance to believe you. And if it's meant to be…" she trailed off.

_People who are meant to be together always find their way in the end._

"Time…" he repeated. Easier said than done.

----------

After the night she received the letters, Brooke stuffed the box in the back of her closet and didn't touch it for nearly a week. She kept telling herself that no good could come from reading them. It would be like opening up all her old wounds. Reminding her of the pain she felt during the breakup and the subsequent weeks that followed.

Back then it felt like the ground was collapsing beneath her.

She didn't just lose her boyfriend but all the people who mattered most because their ties to Lucas were stronger than their ties to her. And the life she had been leading suddenly became an extremely lonely one with really no one but Rachel and Mouth for company.

So she missed out on that chapter in Lucas' life because of pain and pride. She had been angry and too hurt to try and get close despite their promise to remain friends.

Looking back, Brooke couldn't help but feel some regret for the time she had lost.

It also didn't help that her roommate asked about the box every morning. The unsaid advice and the disapproving glances. A subtle push to read the words he spent so many hours writing. Even though Solaris had never met Lucas, she knew what he once meant to Brooke. What he still might mean to her if only she gave him the chance.

Then one morning she said, "In my entire life, I've never been in love. Not that heart pounding, awe inspiring kind that makes you feel like everything is better because of it, type of love. And maybe it hurt you, and maybe it will again… but at least you know you can still feel," Solaris reminded with a seriousness she rarely liked to show. "Don't let yourself go numb, Brooke. Not when you have someone begging to make you feel alive."

_There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire… the other is to gain it._

As hard as it was to give in, to find her way through a maelstrom of emotions... she managed to do it six days after the box arrived. Reaching for the first envelope, she found the usual _Please do not burn_ scrawled and underlined on the back flap. The same words he always wrote because of the infamous letter she and Peyton had once burned.

Reading through the first, Brooke couldn't help but remember how difficult that first week had been. Then there was a second letter which followed the first's footsteps and brought all that pain screeching back to the surface. Words that didn't heal and words that deepened the scars on her heart. But she felt and that was something she couldn't claim before. Not while she buried herself in work and stayed home every night while the people around her lived. While they dated and fell in love, she remained numb to everything inside of her.

But she wasn't numb anymore. Even if the emotion that broke the ice was pain.

So she kept reading until she found a letter that made her smile a little in the end. That finally reassured her that she made the right decision when she chose to read her ex-boyfriend's innermost thoughts.

_Brooke,_

_So I missed a week but technically I don't think I can be blamed for it since I spent that week in the hospital. You saw me every day I was in there but we didn't have a lot of time to talk. So now that I'm out, I have __a lot__ to tell you. Though, first I guess I should clear the air and let you know that I finally told Peyton I love her. Now don't get me wrong, it felt good to say and a part of me thought it needed to be said. That I needed to wake up and say the words, but… I don't know…. I guess I sort of expected everything to be different afterwards. Suddenly perfect or something. Then when it wasn't… I __hid that expectation and __waited.__ I waited to feel different but__ it's officially been nine days today and __everything is still the same__. Any suggestions__ why_

_Maybe I was just naïve to think that all relationships are supposed to feel the same. Like the night you and I finally found our way back to each other… I remember feeling this flutter in my stomach when you said you loved me. This undeniable desire to say it back. Because I couldn't stand there with you and not tell you how I felt. I couldn't stand to see the tears in your eyes and know that I was the reason they were there. Even now I hate that I ever hurt you__, Pretty Girl_

_But back to the subject at hand… my time asleep. Would you believe me if I told you I dreamt of Keith? It was almost like a Tree Hill version of It's a Wonderful Life with Keith as my guide. He showed me what life would have been like if I hadn't existed. I guess looking back on it __now,__ it seems pretty arrogant of me to believe all the changes I saw. Like you as a goth girl. That's right… I said it… goth. Dark makeup, black clothes and an attitude to go with it. Can you imagine? The fashion conscious Brooke Davis sporting a look so unlike the clothes she designs._

_It was good to see Keith again, though. I miss him so much, Brooke. And every day that passes, I think about the baby my mom's carrying. About how she'll never get the chance to know her father. It seems so unfair that I had seventeen years with him and she'll never even get an hour. I wish things could be different. Maybe in a perfect world……_

_Do you remember the night he came back? God, how you hated me for quoting your letters out loud. And after you left me at the gym with Keith, we went for coffee and sat on the steps of the fountain to talk. I told him about the letters you wrote and he told me it was a step up from tattoos. I guess that was one he was never going to forget. But while we sat there, he also finally admitted to me that he was still in love with my mom. Not that I ever really doubted it. I always knew they were meant for each other but they let so many things get in the way. Fear, I guess. You were right though… about finding their way in the end. I know my mom's at least glad for the memories she has of him now that he's gone… but some days I wonder if it's enough to get__ her__ through the next eighteen years without his help. _

_Before I go, there's something __else __I want to say to you, Brooke. I know that we've been apart for a while now and we both agreed to move forward in different directions but… well I need you to know something. I need you to know that you still mean something to me. That these letters aren't just some sort of journal. They're my way of letting __you __in even though I know you wished I could have been more open while we were together. The truth is that I'm not really sure why I wasn't. Maybe I was just afraid of dragging you down with me. _

_Just know that I love you, Brooke. You're in my heart and you hold a place that no one else will ever touch__ or fill__. I promise you that. Goodnight. _

_-Luke-_

"It's not gonna get any easier from this letter on, is it Luke?" she muttered to herself and folded the letter back into place. A sigh found its way past her lips as her hand hovered near the next envelope. Brooke was tempted to stop for the night. To crawl into bed and fall asleep because she knew the next day would be busy enough. But she didn't. She couldn't, and instead she reached for the next letter.

Maybe it would end up being a mistake, but it was hers to make.

----------

"_If it hadn't been for all that bad stuff in the end, do you think you and Peyton could have made it?" Haley queried as she and Lucas sat side by side, passing a bottle between them. "Was she meant to be the one for you, Luke?" she asked, studying him curiously while he rolled the bottle between his palms. The clear liquid sloshed back and forth, nearly spilling over the top but Lucas didn't notice. His half way muddled mind was focused elsewhere. _

_On the girl he had given up for the last time._

_"Before we talked, back when I just watched her… I used to think she was so beautiful. __But I liked her because I thought she was different… __misunderstood. Just like me, in a way. In a lot of ways, actually," Lucas admitted while blurry eyes stared at blue door leading outside. "Everyone knows how alike we were. Same tastes in everything. But we were damaged too__. Deep inside__," he confessed and for a moment, he seemed completely sober. "We never would have made it. We would have pulled each other down until we were too miserable to ever get back up." _

_Though Nathan was the father and husband, their friends still considered Lucas the stronger one. Maybe because he had been the one to grow __up in a single parent family. Or because Keith's death had hit him harder. Maybe it was the HCM he dealt with or __because he hadn't made the same __kind of __mistakes Nathan did. _

_But Lucas knew different. _

_He knew that Nathan was the stronger brother because he was able to change for the better. He was able to look at the perso__n he was objectively and decide__ that he didn't like the reflection__ of himself_

_Nathan became a better person for __the girl he loved __while Lucas lost himself in the girl he was with. _

_So he voiced it out loud, if for no other reason than because he wouldn't remember it the next morning. __"I keep losing my way with her," he murmured thoughtfully while Haley leaned back against the couch cushions and considered his words. __"I get so far off course when we're together. Maybe because I get so busy trying to help her find her own way that I lose mine in the journey," Lucas mused, then shrugged and __handed __Haley the bottle. _

_"So why'd you stay with her for so long?" she wondered out loud and took a long drink of the fiery liquid. It was hot going down her throat but she welcomed the heat. Outside a storm raged on and the iced grounds began to get lost beneath the falling snow.__ Christmas was upon them but the yuletide cheer was clearly absent inside the little apartment Lucas rented. _

_"Because I __was supposed to,__"__ he stated simply. As though it should have been an obvious answer. _

_"What does that mean?" Haley queried and offered Lucas another drink. _

_"We were perfect for each other," Lucas shrugged. "The same person inside two different bodies," he offered though even in her fog, Haley sensed Lucas didn't really believe the words he said. "But then I realized I didn't like myself anymore. And if we were the same… then how could I like her either?" _

_Nodding, Haley watched her friend toss back the bottle and couldn'__t help adding__ "When I asked… you could have just said no." _

_Laughing at __her own__ wit, it wasn't long before Lucas joined in. Together, supporting the other, they laughed until they couldn't remember what the punch line had been._

As Lucas and Haley left Tree Hill High together for lunch, Haley couldn't help but think of the call she'd received the night before. Though it had been unexpected, it hadn't been unwelcome in the least. "Do you remember that horrible Christmas we spent together at your old campus apartment?" she asked suddenly as the hazy memory of one particular night began to resurface.

"Junior year," Lucas acknowledged. "That freak snow storm that kept us shut in for two days."

"With no power on the first one," Haley groaned, shaking her head.

"I was still just moving in at the time," he remembered. "So we didn't have much besides a few bottles of booze, a couple blankets and two candles to keep warm," he added though his own memory was a bit fuzzy with the rest of the details.

"I was so pissed at Nathan," Haley admitted shamelessly. "He was all warm and cozy with James here in Tree Hill and I was stuck with you," she said though her tone was lighthearted and teasing. The smile she wore was amused while Lucas glanced at her with mock hurt on his features.

"So the truth has finally come out, huh Hales?"

She rolled her eyes at the childish lilt in his voice and couldn't help mentioning. "Speaking of the holidays… Brooke is coming home for Christmas this year. Only a week and a half but… it's better than nothing, right?" she asked, hoping to procure a bit of information from her lifelong best friend. Since admitting what he said on the eve of Brooke's departure, he'd yet to say anything else on the subject. Specifically whether or not he'd heard from the brunette in question since she flew back home.

"Right," he agreed, giving nothing away.

"Right," she repeated, sighing. It was one word but for Haley, it was enough to know he wasn't ready to say anything else.


	15. Trust Me

**A/N:** _I'm posting on my way out today so I'll just say thanks for all the great reviews and I hope you continue to enjoy!!! Thanks!_

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**Chapter 15 - Trust Me**

It had been nearly two weeks since Peyton returned to Tree Hill and in those thirteen days, she made little to no progress. Lucas rebuffed her offers to talk or have lunch and Brooke, who was long gone, had basically done the same. The only one who welcomed her company was Nathan and Haley. Though the latter seemed a bit more leery about it than her husband was.

In a way, it was as if the roles of senior year had been reversed.

This time around Peyton was the one coming back to Tree Hill, expecting to be welcomed back while Haley was the one who held some anger and resentment. Only Peyton didn't quite understand the other woman's ire. She could only guess that it had something to do with Lucas and in truth, she shouldn't have been surprised by it either. After all, she was fine with Brooke being stuck on the outside because of a breakup. But now that she was the one looking in… it suddenly didn't seem so fair.

"So tell me the real reason why you decided to come back to Tree Hill," Nathan requested one morning as he and Peyton sat on his couch, watching _The Price is Right._ With not much else to do while she was on vacation, Peyton had offered to drive him to physical therapy. She figured it would help the nanny who was supposed to pick up James around the same time the therapy sessions began each day.

Though Haley was satisfied enough with her, something about the young red head rubbed Peyton the wrong way. At twenty seven, she was beautiful and got along well with James. But she was also a big flirt.

Peyton heard Haley mention something once to Nathan about the nanny hitting on Lucas every time he came to the house. That in itself was enough to have Peyton rolling her eyes, but it wasn't what bothered her. Not necessarily. No, what she didn't like was the way the nanny also flirted with Nathan when she thought no one else was listening. It was blatant, and that was putting it nicely. And though Nathan always brushed it off and never encouraged the behavior, it angered Peyton that the woman would disrespect Haley that way in her own home.

Not that Peyton ever mentioned it out loud. She could see the rift between her two friends and didn't want to be the reason it grew.

"I told you why," Peyton said without taking her eyes off the television.

"No, you told me why you left your job," Nathan corrected before yelling at the screen that the guy's bid was too high. "You could have just stayed in California and gotten a different one, but you didn't. You came back to Tree Hill instead," he explained, glancing briefly at the blonde beside him. "Was it because of Lucas?"

Sighing, Peyton was tempted to scream out her frustration. "No, it wasn't because of Lucas," she stated. "Honestly," she added after catching sight of Nathan's disbelieving expression. "I just really lost my way while I was there," Peyton shrugged, thinking of her many mistakes. "And the truth is that Tree Hill is really the last place I remember being happy. So now I'm just trying to find a piece of that again," she admitted, all the while knowing that so far she had gone about it the wrong way.

"So then what's with calling him every day?" Nathan asked, sounding nonchalant. The only problem was that Peyton knew him well enough to know he was just trying to hide his curiosity behind indifference.

"He told you about that huh?" she replied.

"Might have mentioned it," Nathan shrugged, unconcerned.

"I made the most mistakes with him," Peyton admitted, pausing to consider why she was so determined to speak to Lucas. "I guess I just figure that if I can makes things right with him, then I'll be able to fix things with everyone else," she attempted to explain though Nathan still didn't quite understand.

"Who else do you want to make up with?" he queried. While acknowledging that his wife wasn't exactly Peyton's biggest fan, the two still got along well enough. Karen didn't seem to be holding a grudge on her son's behalf either which left no one else that he could think of. "And wait… what do you mean about making things right? As in getting back together?" he asked.

"Trust me, I'm not that delusional," Peyton stated dryly. "As much as I'd love another chance together, I know it's not possible. Lucas moved on long before we broke up. Whether he thinks I know it or not," she informed bluntly. "I just really miss his friendship. I miss being able to talk to him about everything." She shrugged uncertainly, thinking about her first night back and how Lucas claimed they'd never really been friends. It hurt, to say the least but Peyton didn't blame him for it either. She gave him plenty of reasons over the years to doubt her. She couldn't pretend to be innocent now that he did. "And I'd like to fix things with Brooke and Jake, too."

"Brooke, I get but… what's there to fix with Jake?" Nathan wondered cluelessly.

Shrugging once more, Peyton knew there was no way to explain what happened with Jake without getting into a very drawn out discussion. "Let's just say it's a long story. One where Princess Peyton is more like the Wicked Witch of the West and there are no happy endings."

"Sounds pretty bad."

"Trust me," Peyton said. "It was."

----------

"What are you doing?" Lucas wondered when he walked into his mother's kitchen and found her swearing over some material. There were bundles of orange and green littered over the table and balled up patterns scattered around her chair. "Please don't tell me you're… never mind," he trailed off when Karen swore loudly and lifted the injured finger to her lips.

"Lily's dance class has a recital on the night before Halloween," the brunette informed. "And of course… they're all supposed to be dressed as pumpkins," she explained before glancing down at the material with a look of dread on her face.

"Having a boy isn't looking so bad now, is it?" Lucas teased while remembering a joke they once shared after she broke up with Andy. About how her first child was so rotten, she wasn't sure if she ever wanted another. "Why don't you just take it to a seamstress or something?"

"Trust me, I tried," Karen assured as she stood up and went to the counter to pour herself a cup of coffee. "But Lily forgot to give me the information flyer so I only just found out about it three days ago. And between eight different dance classes and Halloween coming up, none of the seamstresses in town were willing to add on one more costume," she shrugged and noticeably kept her distance from the material laden table.

"You could always ask Haley?" Lucas suggested.

"I thought she couldn't sew that well."

"She can't," Lucas acknowledged. "But the home economics teacher at school, Miss Parker, has a crush on her," he explained while Karen's expression went from curious to unamused. "I'm sure if Hales asks… Miss Parker will help," he guessed and raised his hands innocently when his mother glared. "You think I'm joking but I'm totally serious. Call Haley if you don't believe me."

"Never mind that. I'll manage on my own," Karen informed dryly.

"Suit yourself," her son laughed and reached inside his pocket for the ringing cell phone. "Hello?" he answered.

"May I speak with a Mr. Lucas Scott, please?" a quiet female voice requested. Her words were almost lost in the muffled commotion he heard behind her.

"This is Lucas."

She sighed, lending the impression that she was relieved to have reached him. Another detail to frown about as he listened, trying to figure out who the woman was. "Mr. Scott, my name is Abigail Winsor. I'm a nurse at Central Prison Hospital here in Raleigh and I'm calling in regards to your father's condition. Inmate Dan Scott."

----------

"I hate Mondays," Brooke declared as she walked into the apartment and found Solaris lounging in front of the television. "Damn it, I missed Heroes again, didn't I?" she asked tiredly while discarding her portfolio and purse. Like a sack of bricks, she dropped down on the couch. Her four inch heels were the first to go, followed by the suit jacket she still wore. "Did you TiVo it?"

"What am I… an amateur?" Solaris teased and rolled her eyes. "I'll get some snacks if you want to catch up but first you should really check the machine," she advised, causing a feeling of dread to settle in the pit of Brooke's stomach.

"Please don't tell me someone else is hurt," Brooke said with audible concern in her voice.

Opening and closing her mouth, Solaris searched for the words to reassure her friend before saying, "Just check the machine."

Nodding almost imperceptibly, Brooke reached out to the phone base with a shaky hand and hit the play button. "Three new messages. One saved message," the electronic voice announced. One by one she listened to the words before getting to the saved message. "Received at 5:25 PM."

_"I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now, Brooke but… I didn't know who else to call. It's about Dan. And normally I'd sort it all out by just writing it to you in a letter. But now that you have my box, it just seemed like this was a better option. So__ please__ just give me a call when you get the chance. Bye_."

"Who's Dan?" Solaris queried as she leaned against the kitchen doorway with her arms crossed over her chest.

"The guy who had some sperm with a sense of direction during his mom's high school days," Brooke stated blandly. She refused to refer to him as Lucas' father. Not after all the years he spent ignoring his oldest son and certainly not after he pulled the trigger. In a single second he managed to take away the one man who mattered most to Karen and Lucas. No remorse.

It took a special kind of evil to kill in cold blood. Dan Scott had done it without hesitation.

"Go ahead and watch Heroes if you want. I'm gonna be in my room for a little while."

With her cell phone in hand, Brooke retreated down the hall and closed the door behind her. She knew that the letters she had been reading were responsible for her reaction. Specifically the impulse to call and make sure Lucas was okay. And because of them, the years they spent apart didn't seem so long anymore. Brooke almost felt like she was re-living all the days with Lucas all over again. Only this time she got to see everything that she hadn't noticed the first time around.

It was also a very dangerous feeling and she knew it well.

But putting aside the concern she felt about getting too close… Brooke curled up on her bed and stared down at his name in her phone book. It wasn't about him, she told herself. It wasn't to hear his voice or so that he could hear hers. The call was to check on a friend who once again found himself in a difficult place because of a man he didn't choose to have in his life.

So before she could talk herself out of it, she dialed the number and counted the rings. "I'm glad you called," he greeted quietly. _She_ was glad to hear no anger in his voice.

Though she wouldn't mention it, the last letter Brooke read had been one Lucas wrote after talking to Abby. He had come home to find his Dan kissing Karen and lost his temper. Anger had been at the forefront, closely followed by frustration that no one seemed to believe him. Brooke couldn't imagine how difficult it had been and felt genuine remorse that he ever had to carry such a secret.

"Why don't you tell me about your day?" she suggested in the same quiet voice he spoke in.

He knew she was just trying to buy him some time. Giving him the chance to talk about Dan when he was ready and not a second before. But Lucas had been going over it again and again in his mind since first receiving the call from the hospital. Nearly four hours later he was tired of thinking and just needed some advice. Needed someone besides empty space to listen. "I got a call from a hospital in Raleigh," Lucas admitted, vividly recalling the conversation word for word. "Dan had a heart attack this morning. He's stable… but he's still unconscious."

"Because of his HCM?" Brooke questioned, wondering if whatever happened to Dan could also happen to Lucas. Or technically, if it could happen again since he'd already been in the hospital once before because of his heart condition.

"I don't know."

Back in Tree Hill, Lucas walked up the stairs to his apartment. After receiving the call, he shut himself away in his old bedroom back at Karen's. There he talked to the nurse and listened to what little information she had. But with the lab backed up and several tests results to go over, he had no idea what had been the cause of Dan's illness. Nor had he received a second call since with any form of update.

"And honestly, I don't even care if he lives or dies," Lucas confessed without a hint of uncertainty. "I just need to know what happened because…"

"Because of your own condition," Brooke said so that he wouldn't have to say the words himself.

"Yeah," he quietly agreed.

"So where do I fit into all of this?" she couldn't help asking, because it seemed to Brooke that Lucas had a perfect grasp on his feelings. He obviously wasn't worried about Dan, not that Brooke could fault him for his lack of emotion. Though she supposed that even if Lucas did care, it was probably useless to worry. The devil didn't just keel over and die. The devil would live long enough to torture anyone unfortunate enough to get too close.

"You fit because you've been helping me sort things out in my head for the last four years. Even if you never knew it and I never said the words out loud," Lucas admitted as he flipped the light switch on his way inside the apartment. His keys clanked warningly against a glass bowl when he tossed them down on the kitchen counter. And for the first time since learning about Dan's condition, he was able to sit down and just let the tension roll off his shoulders. "Brooke, each letter wasn't just written in a day. Some days I'd only write one sentence and then the next I'd end up with a paragraph. It was what I was feeling and thinking… things that I wished I could have said to you."

"So why didn't you?" Brooke asked in a voice so soft, Lucas almost didn't catch the words.

"Because I was scared."

"Of?"

"Of hurting you anymore than I already had," Lucas said while Brooke closed her eyes and hugged a pillow to her body. "I kept a lot of things to myself for a long time because I thought that was the only way to deal with them. And I made a lot of mistakes that way. But by the time I finally understood it… it was too late," he explained. Words just flowed from his mouth without his mind filtering them first. He figured it was the best way. Talking from the heart might get him in trouble but at least it was honest. "But writing it all down to you was kind of a comfort. Because I knew that someday… you'd read them. Or at least you'd have the chance to."

"I have been," she murmured tentatively. "Reading them, I mean."

"I know," Lucas said just as quietly.

Brooke didn't ask how. He knew her well enough to know that curiosity was one of her biggest vices. As strong as she was, she'd want to know what was inside the letters. Especially since he'd taken the time to write so many of them throughout the years. "I guess you're not gonna tell Nate or your mom about it," Brooke stated, thinking that Lucas wouldn't want Nathan to focus on anything other than his family and recovering from his injury. As for Karen… she would be even less interested to know than Lucas was. She'd only be angry that he was called at all.

"Or Hales," he added, knowing that if he did, it would be unfair to then ask her to keep it from Nathan.

"Well for what it's worth, I think it's the right choice," Brooke said, surprising Lucas in the process. He supposed he figured she'd want him to be honest because keeping secrets had always gotten him into trouble in the past.

"You do?"

"Sure," she softly answered. "I mean, don't get me wrong. You'll have to tell them eventually," Brooke amended. "I just think you should wait until you have all the information. Then you can tell them in your own time and they can decide whether or not they want to know everything."

Lucas nodded, though she couldn't see it. "I just thought it would end after he was locked up," he admitted, silently acknowledging how naïve that assumption had been. "He used to write us letters, you know? Me and Nathan. Sometimes he'd address one to James or Lily. And that's when I had to tell my mom about it," he explained, remembering the anger he saw reflected on her face. It was an expression he had never before seen and hoped to never see again. "Then after we filed a complaint, the letters stopped and he moved on to trying phone calls."

Silently, Brooke listened as Lucas told stories of other gestures Dan had attempted throughout his incarceration. And she began to wonder if the heart attack was really a natural occurrence or the next in a long list of stunts. "Do you wonder if maybe he stopped taking his medication on purpose," she posed after going back and forth with it in her mind. Brooke certainly didn't want to rock the boat but she couldn't deny how possible the scheme seemed. Especially for Dan Scott.

"First thing I thought of," Lucas agreed.

"Well I know it doesn't help, but I really am sorry that you still have deal with all of this, Luke."

"It _does_ help," he interrupted before Brooke could say anything else. "Trust me. It does."


	16. Tears and Rain

**A/N: **_Hello everyone. As always, thanks for the great reviews! To answer a question about alerts, I haven't been getting them recently either and I've had some problem uploading chapters. Some may or may not like this chapter depending on what you think of how fast or slow it's moving but in my opinion, it had to be done in the end. Those who enjoy, hope you continue to feel that way. Thanks!!!_

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**Chapter 16 - Tears and Rain**

"_You know, I thought that after everything we went through with Ian on prom night… you and I finally had our friendship back on track," Peyton said, puzzled by the recent turn of events. "I just don't understand," she admitted while she sat on Brooke's bed, watching her pack. It was almost surreal that they'd been in the exact same spot three months before. Only then they were about to start an amazing summer as friends, not ending one with nothing left between them.__ "What changed?" _

_Sighing, Brooke toyed with the sleeve of a shirt, eyes downcast as she tried to figure out the right response. _

_Hurting Peyton wasn't something she wanted to do. Because in spite of everything, she still cared a great deal about the curly haired blonde. In ten years they had been through almost everything together. Now it was over and Brooke couldn't help but feel a little sad about it. _

_"I changed," she answered quietly. The clothes were forgotten as Brooke stepped away from her packing and stood near her closet door. "__I don't mean to sound like a bitch because I promise it isn't my intention. But I've realized that I've been giving you too much credit," Brooke stated bluntly. And she didn't stop when she saw Peyton's eyes narrow in confusion. "For a long time, I blamed you for what happened between me and Lucas. I thought that you were the reason it had to end but now I know that I was wrong. Because you kissed him and nothing changed for us. He still walked out of the library and loved me the same way. Just as fiercely." _

_As she listened to the words, Peyton grew increasingly uncomfortable by them. "Brooke, I don't want to know about…" _

_"You asked a question," she interrupted. "I'm giving you your answer." _

_"I'm not sure I still want to hear it," Peyton said softly. _

_Nodding, Brooke wrapped her arms around herself and said, "But the thing is, P Sawyer… I still need to say it." In her mind there was no other way to explain the decision she had come to. So when Peyton didn't protest, Brooke took a moment to continue where she left off. "After the engagement party, when you told me how you felt… I thought that we were headed back to that same place. I thought I was going to get hurt all over again and __jumped into self defense mode because __I didn't want to take the chance that it would happen all over again," she explained, remembering all too vividly the pain caused by Peyton's words. "But we could have gotten past it. Lucas and I… we could have still made it if only I would have given us a chance to."_

_"Brooke, what are you trying to say here?" Peyton questioned. "Because it's starting to sound like you're trying to rub my face in what you used to have with him," she said, frowning __at the thought. _

_"What I'm trying to say is that you couldn't have broken us up Peyton. Only Lucas and I could have done that," Brooke continued. "And the part you played was really just a part that showed me we already had flaws in our relationship," she attempted to explain. "Just like our friendship now. Lucas isn't the reason why we can't be friends. He's just the boy that showed me there wasn't much of a friendship left to have." _

_When she thought about it, Brooke wondered how long their friendship had been fragile before they first started tearing it apart. _

_"If I mattered so much to you, there's no way in the world you would have cheated with Lucas behind my back," Brooke stated in no uncertain terms. "The night he was in that accident, you were ready to just walk out the door and go to him. Never mind that I was his girlfriend and standing right there with you." Even a year later, it still made Brooke angry when she thought back on that whole episode. __"And yeah we made it back to some semblance of what we once were but it was never quite the same. Even when I was with Felix and you were with Jake." _

_Shaking her head in protest, Peyton said, "Brooke, we were friends. You were there for me when I lost him. I was there with you after your parents lost all their money," she reminded. "Please don't tell me you don't remember everything else in between Lucas," Peyton stated but when she looked at Brooke, she saw no change on the brunette's face. _

_"I remember, Peyton. I honestly do," Brooke said. "And I'm so sorry for screwing up with you. For that night with Nathan and those horrible comments I made about your moms," she added and for a moment, Peyton thought it was going to be okay. "But as much as I remember the best parts of our friendship, I can't get past the not so good parts. Like how you've always underestimated me." _

_Horrified, Peyton quickly declared, "I have _never_ underestimated you. Ever." _

_"Maybe not my abilities but you can't deny ever unde__re__stimating my feelings," Brooke replied __as tears began to form in the corners of her eyes. "You thought that your feelings for Lucas were stronger and more important than mine. So you snuck around. And when he and I finally made it back to each other… once again you decided that my feelings for him just didn't measure up to yours. So you said you loved him and then you questioned whether or not I did." The anger her memories brought helped to keep her tears at bay as Brooke said all the things she'd been longing to say all summer long. "And I'll tell you something now, Peyton… I did love him. Fiercely and unconditionally. I loved him with my entire heart. When he looked at me, I forgot anything else existed. And the honest truth is that I'm always going to love him, whether you do too or not." _

_Water leaked from Peyton's eyes as she listened to her friend's heartfelt declaration. In some ways it saddened her more than she could explain and in others, it sca__red her. Because as well as Brooke__ hid any emotion for Lucas outside of friendship, she was still in love with him. She was able to have a relationship with Chase. Was able to let him see her heart, all the while it still longed to be with Lucas. And it scared Peyton to think Lucas might still feel the same way__ about Brooke_

_"So you finally have your answer. Now you know what you wanted to get in between," Brooke concluded softly._

_As much as she wanted to say something to somehow make it better, no sound came from Peyton's mouth. She had no words. Because just as she once told Brooke she was trying to be honest about her feelings, now the brunette was returning the favor. _

_"This isn't what I wished for," Peyton eventually managed. _

_"You've said that once before," Brooke replied evenly. "That you didn't wish for all of this, you wished for Jake," she reminded. "It's funny how you wished for one love and ended up with the other. You wanted Jake but got Lucas. And yet Lucas was the only one I __ever truly __wished for… and he got you. Funny how life works out sometimes huh?"_

_"Brooke…" _

_"I won't tell him," she interrupted, guessing that was where __Peyton's thoughts had gone. "I've already made too many mistakes in my life. Too many to count, and I've done things I can't take back. So there's no way I would ever hurt the both of you by telling him all of this," Brooke promised, unknowingly making Peyton feel even guiltier than she already did. _

With thoughts of the past fresh in her mind, Brooke stared down at the plane ticket that had been messengered over to her office. An invitation of sorts to spend the Christmas holidays skiing with some friends in the business. Specifically a photographer that had been trying to get a date with her since she first walked into his studio five months before. Brooke had been turning him down ever since but he was nothing if not relentless.

"Could my life be any stranger?" she muttered to herself after stuffing the ticket in the bottom of her desk drawer.

_What I wanted…. I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to say there is no one else that you could ever be with and that you'd rather be alone than without me. I wanted the Lucas Scott from the beach that night telling the world that he was the one for me._

When she wanted one to fight for her, he didn't. Now that she was fine on her own, there were two men trying to win her affections. And the both of them were about as different as night and day. Blonde, blue eyed and athletically built while the other was dark haired and a little too muscular for Brooke's taste. Yet she wasn't sure she could trust either. Each for different reasons that had nothing to do with the other.

Shaking her head, Brooke reached for the number and dialed the studio.

She may have missed plenty of holidays in the past but she made a promise to Haley. And she wasn't about to break it regardless of whatever weirdness there was with Lucas.

"Hello, beautiful," a smooth voice greeted after Brooke talked to his assistant. "Tell me you called to accept my invitation," he said while Brooke imagined the self satisfied smirk he was probably wearing. To call him overconfident would be a large understatement. And it seemed that turning him down only made him try twice as hard. Brooke supposed it would be a dream come true if he was the right guy. Unfortunately he wasn't the right guy for _her._

"Sorry, Michael but I'm going back to my hometown for the holidays," Brooke apologized, detached and straight to the point. "I'll have the ticket sent back to your studio by the end of the day," she promised. "Maybe you can give it to someone else."

"Now why would I want to do that when you're the one I want to spend time with?" he queried innocently.

"Because you're wasting your time," Brooke said with honest simplicity.

"Funny… I don't see it that way," Michael stated nonchalantly.

"Well I do. Thanks… but no thanks," Brooke stated and returned the phone to its cradle before he could utter another argument. Off handedly, she decided it was too bad Rachel didn't live in New York. She was positive that Michael and her red headed friend would hit it off perfectly. Especially since neither of them were a fan of romantic entanglements. It was all about fun. Or at least it had been for Rachel since Mouth decided they didn't fit as a couple.

After things didn't work out with Shelly, he and Rachel finally had the relationship he wanted all along. But Rachel was bruised on the inside and scared of letting Mouth get too close. She was afraid that as wonderful as he was, letting him inside would give him the power to hurt her. So she kept her distance and in the end, he just couldn't handle it.

Her fear was recognized and she lost him anyway.

_I don't know why it's so easy for me to get naked one way and not the other._

Brooke understood Rachel's motives better than anyone because she harbored those same fears. But in spite of her own insecurities, Brooke had always known that Mouth was different. If Rachel had been able to give him her heart, he would have guarded it. He would have loved her even more for it. Brooke only wished that Rachel could have seen that before it was too late.

Then again, Brooke supposed it was always easier to see the love other people had for each other, than the love someone had for you.

----------

_"When Sherlock Holmes falls off the cliff, he pulls Professor Moriarty down with him. You see… he sacrificed himself to bring down the bad guy. That's the point, I think Doyle was trying to make."_

Lucas toyed with cell phone in his hands for several moments before finally hitting the talk button. There was only one message to hear and the voice he heard said Dan had still yet to wake up. That he was stable, the nurse stressed. Lucas supposed she believed that he, and the rest of his family, were probably concerned for Dan's health. Little did she know that even if he'd told them all, none would care if he lived or died.

Sighing, he left the phone on his desk and reached for the whistle and clipboard stowed away in his top drawer.

The world continued to turn in spite of life's dilemmas. And currently a high school basketball team needed his attention more than his criminal father did. Unfortunately when Lucas walked into the gym and looked up at the far wall, it seemed that Dan's memory was determined to haunt him wherever he went.

Non threatening but mocking, none the less… a jersey hung up high, baring the number 33 just as Dan Scott once had during his glory days at Tree Hill High.

"Suicides, ten reps… baseline to baseline," Lucas called out and left the team's manager to watch the players sprint while he walked back into his office. "Hey, this is Coach Scott. Can you please send someone in the morning to remove something from the wall?" he requested of the head janitor. "Thanks."

It wouldn't be up there for much longer. Soon enough the jersey, just like Dan, would be locked away.

----------

When she got home after another grueling day at the fashion house, Brooke hit the play button on her answering machine and found another message from Lucas. The fourth message in four nights. And Brooke was beginning to wonder whether or not she was getting a little too close to Lucas with each one.

Every statement was like reading a new letter. Only they weren't nearly as difficult to hear as it was to read the printed words.

"_So tonight we beat Bear Creek. Sixty to fifty three. Is it weird that to me, it's just as satisfying to beat them now that I'm coaching as it was when I was playing? How'__d the photo__ shoot go? And Solaris, if you're listening… no, I don't have any good looking, single friends. Sorry. Night Brooke."_

Laughing, Brooke hit the save button and walked through the empty apartment into the kitchen. She also wasn't entirely certain her roommate had been kidding when she asked Lucas to find her a date. Though with Solaris, anything was possible. Especially since she was worried about being bored down in Tree Hill.

Naturally it had taken plenty of cajoling on Brooke's part but she finally convinced her roommate to spend a few days in North Carolina before Christmas. From there, Solaris would jet off to join the rest of their friends on the ski slopes while Brooke stayed behind for a traditional Tree Hill Christmas. Because as it turned out, traditionally Brooke usually spent in the holiday in town alone since her parents were always on one trip or another. And she suspected it would be the same when she went back because all her friends had their own families to spend the day with.

Still… she couldn't deny how excited she was to see Lily and James again. Plus it would be nice to have a few quiet days away from the hustle and bustle of the fashion world.

"Your boy toy is so not even funny," Solaris declared an hour later after listening to the message.

"He's not my boy toy," Brooke interrupted.

"Well, whatever he is…" Solaris said, waving her friend's comment away. "Twenty two, single and gorgeous… or so you say… and a guy like that doesn't have _one_ friend for me to play with while I'm done there?" she declared, sounding almost appalled. "He loses cool points for that, in my opinion." Then because she was genuinely concerned for her friend, she added, "So what's the deal with all the phone calls anyway? Not that I don't enjoy listening to the messages he leaves every night."

Shrugging, Brooke set down the sketchpad she'd been looking through and reached for a throw pillow to hug. "He's going through some stuff back home."

"But he's not calling anyone in Tree Hill for help," Solaris pointed out. "He's calling you."

Nodding, acknowledging the truth of the statement, Brooke replied, "We have a history. You know that." But it wasn't a simple one. "And Lucas went through something a few years back that nearly tore his world apart. I was there with him, night and day until he finally started to heal. But then a few months later, something else happened and it tore him down all over again," she said, thinking of Keith's death and the anger that came with learning Dan was responsible for it. "So I guess he just feels comfortable with me because I've seen him at his worst… and I don't scare easily. Someone pushes me, I push right back."

_Except when it comes to matters of the heart,_ she thought. That's where she walked away when pushed.

"Just be careful, Brooke. Let him know where he stands with you so doesn't push too hard," Solaris cautioned. "But if you're gonna love him… them love him."

"No one said anything about love," Brooke reminded.

"You didn't have to," Solaris replied as she crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the door. "I heard it in his voice when I played back the message. And now I see it on your face when you talk about him," she informed. "It's there, Brooke. Question is… what are you gonna do about it?"

----------

Later that night while Brooke sat at her desk, going over the last of her sketches, she thought about Lucas and his letters. The words that he wrote to her… the sentiment behind them all. And she thought about the calls he made and the messages he left on her machine. It was an effort. All of it was. But the problem was in not knowing whether or not it was too late.

Brooke wanted to say it was over. She wanted to be able to tell him that her feelings were gone and that it was time for both of them to find someone else to love. But she'd be lying if she did because in spite of it all… she still loved him. And what scared her most was how quickly it all came rushing back to the surface after being around him for only a few days.

She wasn't sure if that meant she was a glutton for punishment or if maybe their love was stronger than she had ever believed.

Sighing, she set the sketchpad aside and dug inside her drawers for a blank sheet of stationary. Then without thinking anything through, she began to write out her jumble of thoughts, hoping he'd know how to sort them out. If not… then she would have her answer. She'd be right to keep him at a distance. And if not… well, Brooke wasn't ready to think of what it would all mean.

_Lucas,_

_I know that quoting literature and songs is more of your thing than mine. By the way, I really liked that Wreckers song you told me about. It was beautiful and sad. Maybe even sadder because it's the way you see me… the way I __saw__ myself. Stand still, look pretty. I guess that was always my role, huh? But I __suppose__ that's not really the point__ right now__. I heard a song today, an older one. It's kind of dark, at least the lyrics are, but when I heard them they grabbed a hold of me and I knew I had to share them. You'd probably appreciate it more than anyone since you hear something in words that most people never even notice. So here they are. It's just a verse but it's the one that stuck with me. _

_How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind_

_Hold memory close at hand,_

_Help me understand the years._

_How I wish I could choose between heaven and hell_

_How I wish I could save my soul_

_I'm so cold from fear._

_I'm so tired of telling you how hurt I was before, Luke. Especially since there's nothing either of us could say that would ever change or erase our past. It is what it is. And I know I walked away from you on the court that night you told me how you felt. It wasn't because I was angry or because I didn't believe you… I just didn't know what to say. I always felt like I lost you long before we broke up. Maybe I never even really had you to begin with. I don't know. _

_I'm afraid, Lucas. I'm so scared __that the memory you have of me is far greater than what I really am today. I'm scared that it's all an illusion. Me… you… the love you say you still feel. _

_You know, I once asked Peyton why she never said anything to you about her feelings and she told me it was because I hadn't moved on yet. So she said that until I could, she wouldn't __try __with you. That was the night of the sports __banquet__. I never felt guiltier because as angry as I was with her, I was also a liar. Because even though I hadn't moved on from you, I did have a fling with someone else__ after we broke up_

_It was meant to be a way of taking my mind off of you since you obviously had Peyton to keep you busy. But it didn't work. They guy cheated on me and in the end… all I felt was __even __worse. __Even though he didn't mean anything to me, it still made me wonder if it had been my fault. If there was something wrong with me that just made the guy I dated run towards the nearest blonde. _

_But I didn't have an answer. _

_So I decided to be the bigger person __that night __and I told you that my feelings changed. _

_We stood outside Rachel's door and I told you it was over for me. When you said that y__o__u agreed…__ the__ remaining pieces of my heart broke into even small fra__gments. It took so long to put__ it back together and eventually I had no choice but to finally move on for good. I had to. You were with Peyton… we were over. _

_That's when I met Chase. _

_For a while I even thought that I was in love with him but since then I've realized that I was more in love with the idea of him. He's was this person who knew what I felt because he'd also been hurt by someone he once loved. And he was sweet… so incredibly sweet. The only problem was that the idea I was so in love with… was the idea of you that I saw in him. How twisted is that?_

_I've never stopped loving you, Lucas. I wish I could claim differently but then I'd just be lying to you and to myself. So I'll say it now… I do love you. I'm in love with you. But I'm also terrified of you because you're the one person who has the power to tear me apart completely. And if you did… I'm not sure I could recover from it. Not a third time._

_So I'll give you the same advice that I was recently given. _

_If you're going to love me… then love me. And if you can't do it with__out__ hurting me in the process… then please let go. _

_-Brooke-_

The next morning, before she lost her nerve, she stuffed the letter inside an envelope and sealed it. On her way to work, Brooke held her breath and dropped it in the nearest mailbox.

It was in fate's hands now.


	17. Masks We Wear

**A/N: **_Hi everyone! Sorry for the hold up, I've been out of town the last few days. But I want to say thanks to everyone for all your great reviews. Truthfully, the further along in the story I get, the more nervous I am when posting new chapters. There's a lot I want to write but I'm never sure if it's coming across the right way so thank you all very much for your wonderful words!!! And I hope you continue to enjoy._

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**Chapter 17 - Masks We Wear**

"Peyton…" Lucas sighed tiredly as he opened his front door and found the blonde standing on the other side. "Look, this really isn't a good time. I have a stack of papers to grade and some game footage to go through by Monday morning," he informed as the microwave bell chimed insistently. "And dinner to eat," he added needlessly.

She answered his sigh with another one, realizing that this visit wouldn't be any different than any of the previous ones unless she changed it herself.

"Look, I get it, Lucas. I really do," Peyton stated in that soft voice she used when she was trying to get her way. Lucas had never noticed it when they were trying to be friends, but after they began dating… he heard the voice more and more. Usually when something was upsetting her and she needed comfort. Or when she wanted him to agree about something he was opposed on. "You don't want me anymore, but that isn't what this is about," she declared when he merely stood, unmoved. "I'm trying to make things right with you. I want our friendship back, I want…" she trailed off uncertainly. "Forgiveness."

Naturally he was leery. Lucas learned the hard way that Peyton didn't always mean what she said. Nor did she always say what she meant. It became a balancing act, learning what to believe and what not to. And after two years, he knew he didn't want to get sucked back in.

"Please," she added and in that instant, he realized that she wouldn't go away until he finally gave her the opportunity to speak her peace.

Shaking his head, Lucas held the door wider in a silent invitation.

Leaving her to stand in his living room, he walked towards the microwave and reached inside for the plastic container of leftovers. "Smells like Karen's famous lasagna," Peyton opined as she tucked her hands inside her jacket pockets. Rocking back and forth on her heels, the walls held her interest.

Once upon a time, her art work would have been hanging inside his home. Or at least it had been when he was going to school and living in some small off campus apartment. Back then it was sketches and paintings. Even a mural just like the one of the Rivercourt she had done for his high school bedroom. But now there was nothing on his walls that she recognized. Not even an old picture or poster from his room back at Karen's house.

She could only guess the drawings held up by magnets on his refrigerator were courtesy of Lily or James.

The child-like colors out and abstract lines screamed four year old. They also provided the main source of color in the room. "I don't think there's a single thing here I would remember," she murmured distractedly while Lucas finished spooning a large portion of the lasagna onto his plate. He glanced up as she added, "Not even your couch."

"That's because I just bought it a year ago," Lucas replied. With his palms flat on the counter, he leaned forward a little and said, "You can look… but you won't find anything of yours in here. None of that stuff even exists anymore." She wasn't sure if that meant he'd thrown it away or simply set it aside somewhere it couldn't be seen.

"Oh." Peyton could pretend that it didn't hurt to hear but he would have seen through the lie. Instead she simply nodded and averted her eyes to the framed photograph of Lily and James. "Your sister is really beautiful," she complimented but it garnered no response from her ex-boyfriend and she began to feel frustrated. "Lucas… I'm trying here. Can't you at least throw me a bone or something?"

But the words were a mistake and she knew it instantly.

Lucas laughed humorlessly and the sound caused a chill to run up Peyton's spine. She wrapped her arms around herself, convinced she wasn't warm enough. "You lied to me, Peyton. About one of the biggest things a person can lie about," Lucas reminded as he shook his head, unable to stop his mind from pulling up memory after painful memory. "Why _should_ I throw you a bone?"

Eyes narrowed, she returned his question with one of her own. "Then why did you invite me in, if you had no intention of talking?"

"Maybe because I made the mistake of thinking you were actually sorry," Lucas bit back. "Trust me… I'll only make that mistake once," he declared in a hard voice that left little the imagination about how he felt.

"I _am_ sorry," Peyton attempted but Lucas had run out of patience. And the blank expression in his eyes had Peyton reeling, angered by his lack of emotion. "Brooke forgave us!" she yelled suddenly. "Haley forgave Nathan for her accident. He forgave her after the tour and Chris Keller. They both forgave Deb." Then in a much softer voice she added, "_You_ forgave Brooke after Chris Keller too." But the words didn't nothing more than fan the flames of his anger.

_Brooke! I'm sorry. __What you did with Chris… it's okay._

"There is _no_ comparison between what you did and what happened with Brooke."

Then it was Peyton's turn to laugh. One that was boisterous and filled with nothing but self-deprecation. "Of course you'd say that. You're still in love with her," the blonde declared unremorsefully. "But the fact of the matter is that she still slept with someone else. She welcomed some other guy between her legs and you still forgave her." The words were unmerciful and aimed to hurt. Yet they were borne of sadness and frustration. A desire to make him feel as bad inside as she did because maybe then he'd see how truly remorseful she felt about her own actions.

"We weren't together when she slept with Chris," he said in a hard, clipped tone. "And Brooke didn't get pregnant. _Those_ are the differences."

"Luke…" she attempted but found she had no words to contradict his.

"Did you ever even tell him?"

It was odd that he wondered such a thing, Peyton couldn't help but think. "No," she shook her head. "There would have been no point after what happened." But what she really meant was that she'd been unable to bring pain to one more person after all she'd caused herself and Lucas. "He wouldn't have wanted to know anyway," Peyton added, unable to stop now that he'd gotten her started. "He wasn't like you, Lucas. He wasn't kind or… special. He just… well, I guess he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"So was I," he muttered.

Eyes closed, the first tears began to spill. Fat drops of water that rolled down her cheeks and landed soundlessly on the gray carpet. "Do you really think that, Lucas?" she whispered in a voice that had once moved him. An expression adorned her face and in the past he would have gone to her. Would have wrapped his arms around her body and allowed her to cry against his shoulder. Peyton half expected he'd still do it but his shoes remained planted on the ground and she knew her chance had long since passed. "How can you? Honestly? After everything we went through and gave up to be together," she questioned when she realized his silence would be her only answer. "It's been two years already, Lucas. Will you _ever_ forgive me?"

"Sure," Lucas agreed easily. "When you're actually sorry for what you did instead of just because you got caught."

"I _am_ sorry for what I did," Peyton argued.

"Keep telling yourself that, Peyton. You might actually start to mean it."

----------

"Wait… what?" Haley questioned as she shook her head, trying to process all the new information she'd been given. "You've been writing her letters this whole time?" she asked, remembering the box she once found in the room she shared with Brooke. Only those letters had been addressed to Lucas, not the other way around.

_I wasn't snooping through your things. I bumped into them when I was trying to maximize on the two feet of storage space that you so generously offered to me._

"It was a habit I never convinced myself to break," he explained over sandwiches in his office two days later.

Like the other teachers in the school, he dressed for the day in mismatched clothes. A Halloween tradition that had been adopted a few years before and one that got a lot of laughs from the students. Lucas, unsure of what to wear, had allowed his younger sister to pick the clothes for him after returning from her dance recital. It was how he ended up in a pair of blue wind pants accompanied by a red button down shirt and orange striped tie.

"Why didn't you ever say anything," Haley wondered, trying not to feel hurt by the revelation.

Shrugging, Lucas glanced at his best friend. Her mismatched outfit of plaid and polka dots was a sight but he didn't feel like laughing. Not while his stomach was tied up in knots as he relayed the recent turn of events. "It was just too personal, I guess," he attempted to explain though it didn't sound quite right to his own ears. "I had already lost her and the letters were this… I don't know, remaining tie to her, I guess. They were filled with words that only the two of us could ever know and I wasn't willing to let anyone else be a part of that."

Except one person had found out and demanded an answer. When he couldn't give her one, she drew her own conclusions and never let him forget it.

"I guess I can see that," Haley conceded as her fingers worked to quickly re-braid a loose pigtail. "So what are you going to do now?"

"Actually… I'm gonna need your help with that."

----------

_The hour was late, or early considering your definition. She had a big meeting in the morning. It was to be her first day interning at Donna Karan. An honor she was awarded after winning a Rogue Vogue competition. Yet instead of sleeping, resting for the big day she had ahead of her, Brooke Davis was kneeling beside the toilet in her bathroom. "It's okay," she soothed, holding a long mane of hair back as her friend emptied her stomach in the porcelain bowl. "I'm here," she murmured as the girl slumped against her, exhausted. _

_"I can't do this. It's too hard." _

_"Solaris, yes you can," Brooke d__eclared, her voice suddenly filled with unrelenting sternness__. "I know you can. You just need to get through the next couple of days and you'll be fine," she assured, all the while silently hoping Solaris would stay strong while Brooke was at work. __ That she wouldn't give into temptation__like she had been since age fifteen. __"Once it all gets out of your system, you'll feel so much better." _

_Or so she guessed based on the internet site she read earlier that evening. "I think I'm gonna die," Solaris whispered as she clutched her stomach and cried. _

_"That's not going to happen. I promise you," Brooke stated in no uncertain terms. _

_Blindly, she reached up for the wet rag __she left resting on the sink. And w__ith a gentle hand, she patted her friend's feverish skin__ with the cool terry cloth__ "You'll be okay. I'm here," she continued to say in a soft voice. Even after Solaris had fallen asleep on the cool tile with her head in Brooke's lap, she continued to murmur words of encouragement. Because as much as she was saying them to Solaris, she was __saying them to herself. She__ had to be okay, Brooke would make sure of it. _

Yards of red satin and silk were fitted around Brooke in a beautiful strapless ball gown. A mask comprised of crimson and gold tipped feathers hid her face from view, allowing only a glimpse of sparkling hazel eyes. Her heels clicked against the marble floor as she walked up to a large set of double doors, hiding the party within. "Miss…" a tuxedo clad doorman greeted as he took her invitation. His companion was ready, waiting to pull the brass door handles to let her inside the festively decorated ballroom.

"Thank you."

Music greeted her ears. Couples danced in the center room, their identities a mystery thanks to the masks they all wore. Gowns as rich and beautiful as her own were donned by all the women. Ladies who held flutes of champagne in their hands and chatted with various men in black masks.

It was the single consolation.

Hidden faces made it difficult to be singled out for conversation.

"Thank you," Brooke said to a waiter that handed her a goblet of pale gold liquor. Eyes scanning, she searched for a hint of purple in the crowd. A deep, rich shade that was woven into a halter style gown for Solaris. Though after her first pass around the room, Brooke decided that her roommate was probably running late. Or her date had been.

After deciding to go to the ball together to provide a viable excuse to leave in the event of sheer boredom, Solaris had changed her plans at the last minute. A new guy, she said. Handsome and sweet. Someone she'd be a fool not to bring. So naturally Brooke smiled and said she understood. Just because her own love life was a mess didn't mean she would begrudge her roommate a night of enchantment.

"Would you like to dance?" a dark haired male asked. His eyes were green and friendly. Brooke recognized them and his voice almost instantly.

"Since when do you prefer to dance with women?" she retorted but accepted his outstretched hand none the less. "You look great in that tux, by the way," she added. Only a few inches taller than herself, it was easy to talk as the band switched to a slower beat. Hands holding her a respectable distance away from his body, he began to move smoothly.

"Since I'm back on the market," Edwin Parker stated. With a keen eye for fashion and all the right connections, it was no wonder that he became Brooke's biggest competitor. Yet it was also was why most were surprised to learn the two became friends almost instantly after meeting. Next to Solaris, he was her oldest friend in New York. "Sean and I broke up." Said casually, it was almost impossible to hear the sadness in his voice. But a history of heartache to call her own, Brooke picked up on his melancholy and hugged him close.

"I'm sorry to hear it."

"Easy come, easy go, I suppose," he shrugged.

Because she refused to make some kind of comment that would minimize what he felt, Brooke simply nodded. "So now that I have you while you're feeling chatty… wanna talk to me about your new spring line," she teased and smiled when she heard his deep laugh in her ear.

"Nice try, kitten but no cigar," Edwin informed and danced another two songs before declaring thirst. He disappeared soon after, presumably lost in the crowd of party goers. Hundreds of them.

Everyone loved a good party and a masquerade ball on Halloween night was one of the oldest traditions Brooke knew.

The event was something thrown together by society's most notorious to give everyone a reason to dress up and get drunk. The masks made it okay to talk and flirt with someone who wasn't their own. An anonymity, however brief it was, that allowed someone the chance to be something they weren't.

Brooke had enjoyed the party in the past. It was always fun for her to see the beautiful ball gowns and spot the ones that bore her label inside the seams. She normally mingled with the other guests and drank a few glasses of champagne. Occasionally she'd dance with a bachelor or two. But that night, despite the beautiful setting of candlelight and soft music, Brooke was hardly feeling festive.

Then she felt two warm hands against her waist, pulling her back against a broad chest. His breath a whisper against her skin as he leaned forward and murmured in her ear.

"Dance with me, pretty girl."


	18. Hold You in My Arms

**A/N: **_ Just a quick note to say thanks as always!!! To answer the Solaris flashback question, you should probably get your answer in this chapter but if you don't, I'll explain it in the next update. This chapter was meant as a continuation of the last so some things were kind of left up in the air. I hope you continue to enjoy. Really. And thanks again for your great words everyone and continued interest.  
_

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**Chapter 18 - Hold You in My Arms**_  
_

_"Didn't you miss me while you were away?" Vulnerability, fear… it was all there on display for him to see. She hid nothing and said everything with a single glance. _

_"Every day," he promised. "I was just… angry and upset about Keith and I just needed to be alone but that doesn't mean that I didn't miss you, Brooke." In that moment, he realized that in the midst of trying to get his life back on track, he managed to alienate the one person who stood by him through the __toughes__t __parts he experienced__. The girl who lov__ed him even when he made it hard__ to be loved. "Because I did." _

Brooke remembered another time they danced. She wore red then too.

Standing tall and handsome in a tux, Lucas still made her shiver as his blue eyes pierced her hazel ones. Hands warm and gentle touched her skin, slowly gliding down until he could hold onto her waist and pull her close. Just like before, her hands rested against his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath them.

But there was something different this time.

Now there were no tears in her eyes to dry or a sadness to overcome. And the only emotion she felt wasn't loneliness… it was hope.

_When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears_

_It was easy to see that you'd been crying_

She didn't ask what he was doing in New York. Couldn't get her mouth to form the words and feared that her voice would be no louder than a whisper if she managed the question. Instead she chose to hold his gaze and found herself falling deep inside the beautiful depths. Just as she had countless times before.

Brooke loved his eyes but couldn't remember a moment when she ever told him so.

Strong, solid and wonderfully male, his body held her up as she leaned in close. His familiar scent enveloped her and it was like going home again.

_I could hold you in my arms_

_I could hold you forever_

_I could hold you in my arms_

_I could hold you in my arms forever_

In the distance, Solaris stood with Edwin and watched while a smile tugged up the corners of her lips. "You did good," he said, knowing as well as Solaris did that Brooke had never gotten over her first love. It was why she distanced herself from the possibility of falling again with someone else. Why she closed herself off emotionally except to the people she could call her friends.

"I owe her my life," the young woman stated, thinking of the hours Brooke spent by her side. Long days and nights spent trying to get her clean. Helping when the temptation was strong and the craving was even stronger. Yet Brooke never gave up. And one morning Solaris woke without first thinking of her dealer or the little white powder she had once been so attached to. "Helping Lucas set this up for her was the least I could do."

Edwin nodded but had to ask. He wouldn't have been much of a friend if he didn't. "Is he really the one meant to have her?"

Glancing at the pair, it was impossible to miss their undeniable chemistry.

From the way he held her with careful reverence and leaned down towards her…. to the way Brooke swayed in his arms as though there was no other place she'd rather be. Their eyes never saw anything or anyone but each other. "Yeah…" Solaris answered, almost wistfully. She was envious but happy at the same time. The girl who deserved happiness was finally going to have it. And she couldn't think of anyone who deserved it more. "I think he really is."

_When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions_

_It's my worried mind that you quiet_

_Place your hands on my face_

_Close my eyes and say_

"Is this a dream?" she whispered, eyes fluttering closed when he pressed a soft kiss against her lips.

The feathers on her mask tickled his skin and he remembered another feather she once wore. Another costume… another dance.

Gently he lifted the mask away so that it no longer hid her beautiful face from his eyes. "It's real to me," he murmured and leaned his brow against hers. "You said that if I was going to love you, then I should love you. Well I'm here now. Holding you… loving you because you're more real to me than anything else I know. And I'm so sorry it took me so long to get to this point but I need you." It felt as if he had waited years to say the words. Maybe he had. "I need you in my life, Brooke. I need you to love me back. I just… I need _you_."

She couldn't deny how good it felt to hear the heartfelt declaration. To see how much he meant the words reflected in his eyes. But there was also one other thing she couldn't deny, no matter how many times she tried to wish it away. "I'm scared, Luke. I'm so afraid of losing myself in you again." The admittance cost her but it had to be said. "I'm scared this'll hurt."

It was honest and true. Lucas understood that he gave her plenty of reasons to doubt him in the past. It was why he wouldn't make the same assurances. Because he couldn't predict the future… he couldn't control it, at least not completely. So he didn't pretend that he could. He only said what he knew in his heart to be true.

_Love is a poor man's food_

_Don't prophesize_

"I can't promise that you won't ever feel hurt or that I won't ever make a mistake. No matter how much I want to make that promise," Lucas whispered and cradled her cheek in his palm as a tear slipped from the corner of her eye. "But I will promise you that I won't ever break your heart again. And if you let me in… I promise that no one or nothing else will ever come between us."

She wanted to believe him. Oh, how she wanted to believe his words. To believe that this time around she could finally just let go without worrying and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or for the next crisis he had to run and avert for someone else. To believe that the words she once said to him were as true for them as they had been for other couples in the past.

_People that are meant to be together always find their way in the end. _

"Please don't make promises you can't keep." Not when I'm so tempted to believe them, she silently added.

"Trust me when I say that I have every intention of keeping them," Lucas gently pleaded. Then his kiss was on her lips again before she could respond. "And if you're going to trust me, you have to trust me completely. We need a clean slate or this will never work. No matter how much we want it to." He kissed her again and then again until her mind felt cloudy. She was falling again. So deeply… so completely and for a moment she felt everything else disappear. "I'm so in love with you, Brooke," he whispered against her lips.

_Don't let your eyes refuse to see_

_Don't let your ears refuse to hear_

_Or you ain't never going to shake this sense of sadness _

It was too hard to stand in his embrace and not given in. To feel his hands against her skin and his lips softly brushing against hers. To match the frantic beat of his heart with her own. But most of all she was tired of hiding from the only man who had ever gotten so far beneath her skin that at times she wondered where he ended and she began.

"Then don't let go," she whispered.

_I could hold you forever_

----------

_His heart was sore but not broken. He drove around the small town, ignoring darkened storefronts and empty parking lots. There was no destination in mind because the one person he wanted to see had walked away. Gone with the wind just as quickly as she arrived a day before. Not that he blamed her. _

_So he drove until he somehow made it back home. _

_The porch light still burned brightly, illuminating __the two wicker chairs__ he and his mother used to sit and talk on. It seemed only fitting that she was there now, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and a baby monitor by her side. __"I'd offer you a penny for your thoughts but something tells me it wouldn't be enough," Karen said as Lucas slowly walked up the front steps. "__W__hat's wrong?"_

_He waited until he was seated beside her before opening his mouth to admit, "I just ended things with Peyton." _

_Blinking back surprise, Karen merely stared at her son, waiting for him to continue. When he didn't, she couldn't help but ask, "Are you okay? Should I be sorry or…" she trailed off uncertainly. The right answer seemed just beyond her grasp. Though Karen believed Lucas had loved his girlfriend, __she had also begun to see just how complicated their relationship was. An instance where she had to wonder if love was truly enough. _

_"I'm not," Lucas declared solemnly. "You know if you would have asked me to describe her a few years ago, I would have said she was pure and innocent… undeserving of all the hardships she kept having to face," he said though he couldn't deny still feeling that way in regards to all her heartache. "Last night I found out that she was the reason Brooke decided to break up with me after Nathan and Haley's wedding.__" _

_Reliving it all in his mind felt like a bad dream Lucas couldn't wake up from._

_"__Peyton kept this huge secret from me and Brooke protected her, even though she was heartbroken at the time," he mused, still marveling at the absurdity of it all. _

_"How'd that come up?" Karen gently queried. _

_"We were arguing," Lucas stated, remembering vividly what had come next. "It was just a stupid couples argument. But I raised my voice and she told me to be quiet or I'd wake Jenny. She meant Lily but she said Jenny." A simple slip of the tongue had set everything else in motion. It all unraveled from that one point until there seemed to be nothing left. "She asked Jake to marry her but he sent her back here when she muttered something about loving me in her sleep. But she never told me that and the night she came back… she told Brooke __about her feelings." _

_Even two years later he felt stupid as he remembered her request to stay away from Peyton that morning before the wedding. How he had laughed and basically told her she was being silly for uttering such a request. The heartbroken expression on her face when she learned he and Peyton had kissed once more. The tears in her eyes as she cried and begged him to need her. The melancholy that surrounded them like the spring's heat as they danced one last time. When their lips touched in a final kiss. _

_"Why do I keep messing up so badly with these two girls?" _

_To Karen, there was no simple answer for his question. "Maybe because you've always loved them both," she guessed. "But never understood that __the love they each had for you would never be the__ same." _

_"What do you mean?" Lucas asked as he sat up a little straighter._

_"You expected a love like Peyton's. The quiet, comfortable feeling that plenty of couples fail to achieve even after years together," Karen explained and couldn't resist brushing the hair o__f__f his forehead as she'd done so many times before. Back when he was a kid and life for him was much simpler. "You didn't expect Brooke. The firecrackers, the storms… the temperamental waters. So when she came into your life, you had no idea what to do with her. Sometimes I think you still don't," she mused but smiled gently to soften her words. "So you picked Peyton because you understood her. She made sense to you when Brooke didn't." _

_"So you think I only chose to be with Peyton because she was the safe choice?"_

_"Only you can answer that," Karen murmured quietly. _

_Nodding, Lucas leaned back against the old cushions and stared up at the velvety black sky. He didn't say anything at first, content to mull over his mother's words__ while counting the countless diamond-like stars above__. And because she understood that her son needed it, Karen continued to sit beside him as she waited for him to make his own realizations. She didn't have to wait for long_

_"She was always in the back of my mind," Lucas stated suddenly. "Brooke, I mean. __When I was with Peyton… since I've been away at school. She's there with me. I carry her around in my mind and I've gotten so used to it that sometimes I don't even realize it," he admitted though he no longer felt guilty because of it. Not like he had while he was with Peyton because her best friend was occupying a spot that she couldn't touch. "I used to think Brooke was the one who was scared. Maybe it was me the whole time." _

_"Maybe…" _

Rocking back and forth on his heels, Lucas stood behind Brooke and watched her fumble with the lock and key. She couldn't make her hands stop shaking. Couldn't curb the tumultuous rollercoaster her emotions had been on since he first appeared with a whisper against her skin. "Brooke," he murmured and placed his hands over hers, steadying her tremble with the warmth of his palms. "It's just me," he said. "You _know_ me."

Silently nodding, Brooke turned the key until she heard the final click. Pushing open the door, she waited for him to release his hold before she stepped inside.

"I don't want to move too fast," she said once the door had closed behind him.

Keys were discarded on the coffee table. Jackets were slung across the chairs. She stood in the center of the room with her arms wrapped tightly around herself, looking so vulnerable that Lucas couldn't help but pull her close. A hand buried itself in her lustrous dark waves as he nuzzled the delicate crook of her neck.

"We won't," Lucas promised, a ghost of a sound against her skin. "It's just been so long since you let me hold you. I can't stop. I don't _want_ to stop."

Brooke felt her eyes water and swim out of focus as the tears began to cloud her vision. So she closed them and for a moment, allowed herself to relax in his embrace. "It feels like it's happening so fast," she murmured but fisted his shirt in her hands as she held on just as tightly.

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

She smiled, recognizing the familiar and beautiful words. "That's what Harry said to Sally at the New Year's party," Brooke stated while Lucas chuckled deeply.

"I guess all those girly movies you made me watch were good for something," Lucas smiled, glad that the ice had been broken. "Besides, if you're going to borrow words from someone, it might as well be Billy Crystal," he reasoned after lifting his head from its comfortable resting spot. From there he looked down at the beautiful woman whose eyes had narrowed.

"Yeah, and why's that?" Brooke questioned, challenging.

"Because…" he said and gently trailed his fingers down her cheek. "Because after he said it, he got the girl."

She shivered at his touch and wondered how it was still possible to feel like it was the first time. "Do you believe in happy endings, Lucas?"

"No," he shook his head. "True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love doesn't end." His eyes, twin pools of sapphire, stared into her fiery hazel depths unblinking. He heard her murmur something about it being his night for quotes but the words only grazed his ears. It was her lips that garnered his attention. Ruby red, glossed and plump as she pulled the bottom between her teeth nervously. "I want to move fast, so you'll have to tell me when I need to slow down." Leaning close, he paused a fraction away from her lips so that they shared the same breath. "I want to kiss you," Lucas whispered, waiting.

But she didn't respond.

Brooke closed the distance between them and the fire ignited instantaneously. Raw, hungry, passionate… it overflowed until they both felt like they were drowning in it.

Unlike the kisses shared at the ball, these were filled with a longing that had previously been denied.

She moaned, enjoying the feel of his lips and body pressed against hers. But she wasn't close enough for Lucas. Hands splayed across her back, he pulled her even closer until no sliver of light could be found between them. Too much and not enough all at once. "Tell me to stop," he whispered between kisses before trailing his lips down her smooth skin. "Or I won't."

Brooke wasn't sure if it was a warning or a threat.

Breathing deeply, her chest heaved while she struggled to calm her racing heart. "Wait," she said, reluctant and uncertain. It took every ounce of strength Lucas had in order to obey. But he did and reluctantly loosened his grip after placing one last lingering kiss against her shoulder. "Questions," Brooke muttered. "So many questions."

"Ask me anything."


	19. How Do You Fall In Love

**A/N: **_Your response to the last chapter absolutely amazed and flattered me all at once!!! A very big thanks for your wonderful reviews. To address the comment made about which line I should have ended the last chapter with, I have to agree with you. I went back and forth on that one for a while but... I'm glad you liked it anyway! Hope everyone continues to enjoy this one... hope you aren't disappointed and thanks again!  
_

* * *

**Chapter 19 - How Do You Fall In Love**_  
_

_"The sun's already coming up and my flight's in a couple of hours," Brooke said in a voice filled with fatigue. "You should go." _

_Lucas stared at her watery hazel eyes, red rimmed with unshed tears and a night spent without sleep. She seemed fragile and halfway broken. So unlike the Brooke Davi__s he first fell in love with. And as that thought flitted across his mind, __that was when it hit him. He had done this to her. He pushed and prodded until she had finally broken. But she never assigned blame. Never accused him. Instead she stood with her stubborn chin jutted out, waiting for him to walk out the door once last time._

_"Is it crazy that I already miss you? Even though you're only an arm's length away." _

_"It might as well be a mile," Brooke murmured as she crossed her arms over her chest like a protective shield in front of her heart. _

_"I never meant to hurt you, Brooke. And I'm sorry because it seems like that's all I ever end up doing," Lucas apologized, wondering if she would have been better off if he just stayed away. If instead he had just gotten his answers from Peyton instead of dredging up the past__ only__ hours before Brooke was set to fly out of town._

_"No, Luke that's…" she trailed off as her eyes momentarily softened. "It's not all you do. And to be fair, I admit that I didn't always make things easy on us either," Brooke stated, looking up at him remorsefully. "__I know this is stupid and… and, well nothing good could ever come from it. __B__ut b__efore you go… would you just answer one question?" _

_"Sure." _

_His easy acceptance made it even harder to ask. _

_"Have you ever wondered whether we would have eventually gotten together if Peyton hadn't put the brakes on things that night at Nathan's house?" Brooke asked, considering the night that came after. The hours they spent together talking while Peyton slept off the effects of a date rape drug. "I mean… she wouldn't have gone to the __college party with me. You and I__ wouldn't have talked so you would have never asked me to read that book. But do you think at some point in time… we would have found each other?" _

_Brooke wasn't sure why his answer mattered. It wouldn't change anything one way or the other. But she still found herself curious, wanting to know how he'd respond. _

_Maybe because she needed to hear him say it hadn't all been for nothing._

_"Yes."_

_"But why?"__ Half anxious, half afraid of his answer. _

People that are meant to be together always find their way in the end.

_He could have said anything or nothing at all. __In two years, day by day, month by month… puzzle pieces began to fall into place until he could see more and more of his life's picture. And wi__th each __new imag__e, he began to realize something that hardly made sense and sounded completely right at the same time._

_"Because I think I was always meant to find you," Lucas said with a faraway expression covering his features. "Only the time somehow got screwed up and you walked into my life before I understood how important you were. And after I messed up… I didn't know how to fix what I __had broken," he admitted with raw honest__y__. "I guess I just hoped that one day our timing would finally been in synch. You'd walk back into my life and I'd finally be able to tell you that I understood. That my head had finally caught up with my heart." _

_"And now it's too late," she murmured. _

She woke up with the fog of dreams still clouding her mind and a strong arm curled around her waist. For a moment, Brooke felt a sense of panic until the night's events slowly came back to her. "Morning pretty girl," Lucas greeted quietly and she turned on her side to face him.

Brooke couldn't find a single trace of sleep in his eyes or in his expression. "How long have you been awake?"

"About a half hour."

Kinking her brow, she asked, "Were you watching me?"

"A little," he admitted, returning her smile with one of his own. "It's been a long time since you and I slept next to each other, both fully clothed," Lucas couldn't help reminding, grinning as he propped himself up on his elbow. Eyes staring into hers with amusement, he watched Brooke's features transform into a sarcastic expression. "Not that I didn't enjoy it," he carefully added. "You fell asleep against my heart and inside my arms. How could I have not enjoyed it?"

This time her smile was bittersweet and Lucas knew something was wrong. "I dreamt about you last night. About us… that night in Tree Hill when you came to my hotel room to talk."

"I've been thinking a lot about that night too," he admitted.

"Can you believe we spent ten hours in that hotel room talking?" Brooke asked, marveling even two years later that there had been enough unsaid words to keep them up until dawn. "Or that there were probably more tears and yelling in that one night than in our entire relationship?" To say it was an emotional rollercoaster would have been a strong understatement. So many truths had been revealed and both realized plenty of old wounds still hadn't completely healed.

"It's not going to be like that again, Brooke. Not this time," Lucas said and gently trailed his fingers along the side of her face. "I love you, pretty girl. And I won't let anything get in the way of that. I promise."

She nodded, attempting a smile. "Well as much as I'd love to stay in bed for the rest of the morning, I have a few meetings I couldn't get out of," Brooke explained, remorsefully. "Your partner in crime should be in her room, though. Maybe she can take you out for breakfast or show you around the city," she added ruefully.

"Sounds like a good idea," Lucas agreed, laughing at her choice of words. "When we came up here to see Haley junior year, she and I didn't really explore the city or anything. It was more along the lines of walking around trying to convince her to come home," he reminded, thinking how long ago it all seemed. "Brooke, before you get up, there's something I need you to know," Lucas added as memory after memory flooded his mind.

"Luke, what is it?" she asked, noting the seriousness that now covered his handsome features. He had gone from sixty to zero in a matter of seconds and Brooke didn't understand why.

"There's a lot I want to make up for and…"

"No," Brooke shook her head and placed her hand over his mouth before he could speak another word. "You said it best last night, Luke. Clean slate. If we're going to make it, then we have to start over. No going back and picking on past mistakes." Her lips brushed gently against his before she reminded. "You once told me about a conversation you had with your mom about Keith. How if you always look for reasons not to be with someone… you'll always find them. Well, I don't want to look."

Eyes narrowed playfully, he leaned over until she was flat on her back with his body pressing hers against the mattress. "Are you sure you can't stay in bed all day?"

Brooked laughed happily and marveled that for the first time in a long time, she _was_ actually happy. "Afraid not. But you said you're here for the next couple of days, right? Until Thursday morning?"

"Right," he agreed. "Then I have to be back in Tree Hill to relieve Skillz and get the team ready for Friday's game."

While Haley agreed to take over his two English classes during his time in New York, Skillz had agreed to look after the team. His afternoon schedule was flexible enough and allowed for time to drive back and forth to Tree Hill for practice. The only problem was that Lucas would definitely have to be back to go over new plays for their upcoming game. It also meant having to leave Brooke after only two and a half days.

"Then I'll do my best to shift some things around in my schedule," Brooke informed and kinked her brow once more. Lucas couldn't help but smile when he saw the endearing gesture. "Otherwise we'll never end up seeing each other. And it's not like you'd want to spend time around the fashion house while…" she said, trailing off suspiciously when she saw the slight twinkle in his eyes. "Okay, what's that look all about."

"Who says I wouldn't want to spend time there with you?" he asked. "I think I'd be great to see where you work. According to Vogue, you're…"

"Wait," Brooke interrupted, mystified. "You read Vogue?"

"I Googled you," Lucas shrugged simply.

"Okay, you get cool points for actually admitting that out loud," Brooke declared and couldn't resist pulling him close for another kiss. When he nuzzled her nose with his, just like he always did when they were together, she felt her heart beat a little faster. "It feels so good to have you here with me," she admitted and held him close when he began to shift away.

"I'm too heavy," he protested. "I don't want to crush you."

"You won't," Brooke assured and continued to hold him tightly. He relaxed but his shoulders were still a little stiff and she realized his mind was somewhere else again.

"You know, when I was a teenager I always believed that the best parts of me came from my mom," Lucas admitted with a faraway look in his eyes. Resting his forearms on the bed, he held his weight while Brooke stared up at him, curious. "I still think that, but… I also know that I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for you. Because whether or not you ever knew it… or I ever said it out loud to anyone… you sit on my shoulder and whisper in my ear throughout the hardest decisions I make." His eyes watered and her hair caught the first tear that fell. "I remember venting to you about Dan and worrying out loud to you about my mom and Keith. Talking about missing Haley while she was on tour… and you sitting there with me for hours after Nate crashed that race car. After Keith was killed."

He relived them all. His life's toughest moments while he voiced a realization he'd never uttered out loud.

"It's easy to stand beside someone when their dreams come true. To join in the happiness they already feel," he mused, thinking of the championship game he played in. The winning shot he made and the girl Brooke nudged him towards as they stood with confetti raining down around them. "But the person who truly loves you is the one beside you, who helps you stand when life does nothing but push and pull you in every direction as it tries to knock you down. The one who can sit in silence because they understand that sometimes there are no words. The one who sees you and thinks only of you even when you give them every reason to look away. To walk away."

He leaned his brow against hers and closed his eyes while water escaped from the tightly shut corners. Brooke could feel him trembling in her arms and held him closer while her heart matched the frantic beats of his own.

"They all expected me to be perfect. To never make mistakes," he whispered. "The hero, the boy with all the answers… the stone wall that never crumbled under the weight of it all. But not you," Lucas said as his lashes slowly rose, revealing his blue eyed gaze to Brooke's hazel depths. "You just wanted me. I just want you."

Trying to hold back her own tears, Brooke nodded solemnly. "I know," she said. "I didn't then, but I know it now. I promise."

"Promise," he murmured and placed his lips on hers, willingly drowning in every emotion her kisses made him feel.

----------

When Haley stepped inside the beach house, she felt her heart clench painfully at the sight she walked in on. Sitting on one couch was Nathan with James, a book spread across both their laps. Together they read Dr. Seuss while the nanny lingered around them, picking up toys and laughing at random sentences. Low slung jeans rested on her hips and a cropped t-shirt revealed several inches of her smooth skin.

Self consciously, Haley glanced down at her own attire. A skirt that skimmed beneath her knees and a cardigan to cover the long sleeved shirt beneath it.

"Hey, Hales," Peyton greeted as she walked out of the kitchen and found her friend standing in the foyer.

"Hey," she returned and wondered if it was silly that she felt relieved to find Peyton there as well. Haley knew she trusted Nathan but she also wasn't blind. It was obvious that Carrie was attracted to her husband, even if she was never too obvious or flirtatious about it. "Are you staying for dinner?" she asked the blonde while Nathan and her son both looked in her direction, each now aware that she was home.

"I just had a sandwich, thanks," Peyton stated and glanced between her friend and the curious looking nanny. She recognized the expression on the other woman's face and had to stop herself from narrowing her eyes. "Come on, Carrie… I'll walk you out," she added instead, eyes darting pointedly at the front door.

Though Haley could say plenty of unfavorable things about Peyton in regards to Brooke and Lucas, one thing the blonde had always done was look out for Nathan. Haley understood that in that instance, her old friend was doing just that.

"Hey, sweetie," she greeted and smiled when James ran towards her for a hug. "How was your day?"

"I guess I'll be going now," Carrie intervened as she glanced between the room's occupants. "Goodnight Mr. Scott. I'll see you tomorrow, James." Smiling a wide grin, she tossed her long strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder and sauntered out of the room. Hips swaying back and forth, she walked passed Haley before stopping, almost as an afterthought. "Goodnight Mrs. Scott," she added and quirked her brow at Peyton when no one else was looking.

A sarcastic gesture that had the blonde rolling her unamused green eyes.

"Night Carrie," they all returned politely.

"We'll see you tomorrow, Peyton."

"Nate, don't forget we're going to therapy an hour earlier tomorrow," Peyton quickly reminded and waited for his acknowledging nod before glancing at Haley. "Night, Hales. See you tomorrow."

While Nathan understood that his arrangement with Peyton wasn't a permanent one, he was enjoying it while it lasted. He could admit to being closer to Lucas than ever but in the back of his mind there would always be a slight hesitation before he revealed certain personal secrets. Something that stemmed from the knowledge that his brother was also Haley's best friend. Whereas Peyton just listened, understanding better than anyone what it felt like to make horrible mistakes that couldn't be taken back. Or so it seemed to Nathan when they talked.

"Thanks, Peyton," he said and waited until the door had closed behind both women before glancing up at his wife. She was undoubtedly tired and seemed a little sad. While she smiled at their son, Nathan saw an uneasiness about her that he didn't quite understand. "Long day?" he queried innocently enough.

"Too long," Haley agreed and barely glanced at her husband before returning all her attention to their four year old. "How would you like to see Lily tonight?" she asked, thinking that she'd much rather drive a few mile to the café for takeout than slave in the kitchen for an hour or more trying to cook dinner. Especially not with all the papers she had to grade and the few hours of sleep she was still running on.

"Can we have hot chocolate too? Please?" he asked, negotiating the same way he'd seen Lily talk to his uncle Luke.

"Only if you wash your hands and get your coat from upstairs," Haley responded and felt a small smile tug up the corners of her lips as James ran out of the room without a backwards glance. "Do you want the usual, or…" she trailed off, noticing that Nathan had been staring.

"Sounds fine," he agreed easily. Guilt in spades, he opened his mouth to say something else. To apologize maybe. Something to let her know that he appreciated all she did while he was laid up with a bum knee. But for reasons unknown to him, Nathan couldn't find the right words. He didn't know how to say he was sorry and couldn't remember the last time he _had_. "I um… I can go with you. If you want." The offer sounded feeble even to his own ears. Haley obviously heard the uncertainty and frowned before she could catch herself.

"Thanks, but… we'll just be a few minutes."

Sadly, Haley wondered when they forgot how to be married and began just co-existing.


End file.
